Keeping Your Character
by Insanity-Red
Summary: When a girl from our world takes advantage of a quirk in the reincarnation system, guess whose body she ends up in? See what changes when the stupid cow isn't so stupid - nor a cow. What else will change when she retains knowledge from her previous life?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So… here, for you all, is a story that has been niggling away at the back of my brain for quite some time. I hope you enjoy it, and review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

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Keeping Your Character - Chapter One

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Before I tell you my story - or rather, to lead into the events of my story - I want to ask you all one question.

Have you ever been born with full self-awareness? No? Didn't think so.

Let me tell you, it's freaking weird. Especially when you know that the weird giants crowding around you after the muck and gunk has been wiped off are not your real family.

I'm sure you're thinking something along the lines of, 'How was this chick aware of her own birth?' or 'How can anyone be born to someone that's not their family?' or if your mental dialogue is particularly articulate, 'Huh…?'

Well, I'll tell you, obviously, or I wouldn't have a story.

Oddly enough, the series of events that makes up this story doesn't start with my birth - or at least not the one I just mentioned. In fact, it starts with my death.

Weird way to start a story, huh?

Anyway, since I'm the main character, you'd think that perhaps I'd die in an awesomely badass way, right? Maybe with gunfire, explosion and an epic car chase? Or a fight to the death with my childhood friend who turned out to be my arch nemesis? Wrong. It was just one of those split-second things, that could happen anytime, anyplace, and would just be another statistic on the evening news.

I was walking home from my minimum wage job at the local grocery store - keep in mind the fact that I'm only fifteen, so I don't have a driver's license yet. So, there I was, walking along, minding all the usual pedestrian guidelines. I looked both ways before crossing the street and -

WHAM

- I was hit by a drunk diver. At four o' clock in the afternoon, in the middle of the little podunk town I grew up in where the most exciting thing to happen was a couple of squirrels chasing each other around a tree trunk.

Who drinks that much that early in the day anyway? Especially on a weekday?

In fact, why drink at all? My mom says alcohol is an acquired taste, but who would want to acquire it in the first place when all it does is impair your judgment until you start acting like a complete buffoon?

Not to mention the taste of some of it. The one time I tried any kind of alcoholic drink was at a communion service in church. That little, tiny plastic cup of 'wine' tasted like someone had eaten a bunch of grapes, vomited them up, and then proceeded to put them through an old winepress where the method of crushing was filthy, bare feet.

I suppose it's just one of the things I'll never get.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic - where did I leave off? Oh yeah. I'll try not to wander away from the storyline this time.

WHAM - hit by some moron DUI.

Now that I think of it, it was more like a CRUNCHSNAPTHUD, with a loud screech thrown in just for kicks.

Either way, it hurt like hel- erm heck. Swearing is bad - even if some deformed son of a diseased monkey seemed to have shattered all of my bones into such minuscule pieces I can just imagine them shredding my internal organs.

If I were still alive, I'd sue the jerkwad and his mother.

So after my quick, anticlimactic-for-a-protagonist death, I suddenly found myself in a long line of people.

I looked around, and found that about half the people in line looked like old farts about to keel over, and the rest looked sickly, or had some kind of grievous injury. Even as I examined the line behind me, I saw a couple dozen people pop up as I watched. There was just empty space one second, and the next they were there. There was even an entire group that showed up at exactly the same time, all with horrendous burn scars and a few carrying bits of themselves that seemed to have been blown off.

The one thing that all these people had in common, however, was that they were all deathly silent, complacently moving forward with the line with no regard as to the condition their bodies were in. One soldier was even pulling himself along with his arms, his severed legs strapped to his back. My mind rebelled sleepily at the observation, but I couldn't actually bring myself to the conclusion that anything was out of order.

Looking ahead of the line, I could see the people at the head of the line stepping inside a giant building. Actually, it looked more like some sort of machine than a building, and it had the word 'CLEANSER' written all over it in big, bold letters, over and over again in any kind of language I could think of, and some that I couldn't.

As I moved up the line myself, somehow moving despite the fatal injuries, and more and more people disappeared into the Cleanser, I could hear one thing through the absolute silence.

It was a monotone voice, almost robotic, a tone that I could recognize immediately after having used it myself many a slow day of cashier work. It was the voice of someone utterly bored of their assigned task, who still had to talk to people.

I craned my neck to see the speaker, because they were something out of the ordinary in this long line of silent people. As the line inched forward, my ears managed to distinguish the actual words the droning voice was saying. The speaker turned out to be an actual speaker - the electronic kind, though I'm not sure that it was running on electricity. It was black, about the size of my head, and because there was absolutely nothing for it to be attached to, it was floating in midair, a couple dozen yards away from the Cleanser.

"-take your assigned world and body. You will then proceed to go through the Cleanser, so that none of your previous memories or experiences will that the reincarnation process. I wish you luck in your new existence, despite the fact that you soon won't remember me doing so." Then the voice paused, and there was a loud beep, before the message presumably started over from the beginning. "Welcome all ye Newly Deceased. Please stay in the lint and be sure not to drop any detached body parts you may have. Once your get to this point in the line, please take your assigned world and body-"

I didn't bother to listen after that, as the message repeated itself. Apparently, I was expected to go through some soul-recycler. Isn't that grand?

My mind whirled dizzily, almost hysterically as I finally snapped out of the strange apathy that had descended on me since the car crash. Along with my new awareness that something was _wrong_, my brain also started to receive pain signals from the fatal injuries I had acquired, though I thankfully didn't start leaking blood everywhere. My neck was killing me though, har dee har har.

I didn't want to lose my memories. Your experiences make you who you are as a person, right? I wouldn't want to lose my own antisocial, somewhat awkward personality only to become some - I don't know - some prissy valley girl in my new life!

However, I couldn't exactly think of anything I could do to potentially prevent that.

My near-hyperventilation was interrupted by a blinding light coming from my torso area. My eyes squinted shut on reflex, but when the light died down, I immediately looked down to see the firefly on crack that seemed to have perched on my chest.

There, lying against my blood-soaked sweater was a small, golden medallion, attached to a chain that had mysteriously appeared around my neck. I curiously picked up the medallion, lifting it to eyes level with finger that had been bent into unnatural positions.

I squinted slightly, somehow being able to read clearly without fully intact glasses lenses.

It read: 'WORLD: Katekyo Hitman Reborn - as written by Akira Amano. BODY: Lambo Bovino.'

My first thoughts of course were, 'I can't tell if being reborn - no pun intended - as Lambo is worse then being reincarnated as some ditzy valley girl or not.'

I mentally cried at the thought of being a snot-covered cow-child with an afro. A male one at that.

My feet unconsciously moved me forward in the line toward the ominous Cleanser, and what felt like would be my second death in the space of however long I'd been dead. Except this time, I'd be losing more than my physical body - which honestly wasn't all that great anyway what with the bad vision, pimply, pasty skin and the chubbiness.

This time, I was losing my sense of self - everything that made me 'Me' - including the memories of my parents and the rest of my family, who were probably just realizing something had happened to me depending on if time ran differently in this place.

And to put the metaphorical icing on this metaphorical cake of desolation, my newly-cleansed soul would be shunted into a body that would grow into an incompetent crybaby with an arrogance problem. The Butt-Monkey of the KHR Universe - other than Tsuna, of course.

So with heavy reluctance, and much mental hyperventilating, I stepped into the Cleanse, which at a closer inspection somewhat resembled a carwash on the outside. As soon as I stepped past the heavy curtains however, all I could see was a dark room, only partially illuminated by the gigantic blue screen on one of the walls.

In the center of the dim room was a seat reminiscent of an old barbershop chair. It was occupied by the old lady that had been directly in front of me the entire time. Even as I watched, an odd device descended from where it hung, suspended directly above the chair, a bulb attached to it that bathed the chair below in light. The part of the device that resembled a plunger fastened around the grandma's gray, wispy curls, and a noise not unlike a vacuum cleaner sounded throughout the dim room. It was a horrible shock after the silence of the line.

The lighting of the room changed, and my eyes darted to the screen on the wall. Instead of a blank blue expanse, it now displayed what looked like a battery that was slowly being filled in with color. I looked back to the old lady in the chair, only to cringe back in alarm as I saw her form get blurrier and blurrier as the vacuum sound continued.

She faded away quickly, until all that was left was a vaguely human-shaped outline with a still clearly-defined medallion hanging from its neck. A loud 'ding', like the noise a microwave makes when it's done, sounded out with morbid cheeriness as the vacuum noise stopped.

The device retracted back toward its position between ceiling and floor, and the screen displayed a full battery. The blurry form that was all that remained of the old lady's soul lifted itself from the chair, before walking, or floating, to the opposite end of the room and moving through the doorway, vanishing in a flash of light from its medallion as it passed the threshold.

My feet felt like lead - or some other ridiculously heavy material - as I stared numbly at the chair. Can you blame me for not wanting to go near that thing?

Apparently, I was taking too long for whatever ran the reincarnation system, because the plunger-like part of the device suddenly separated from the rest of the thing and extended toward me on a long, tentacle-like cord. It was like something out of a bad horror/sci-fi movie, but it was still genuinely terrifying to experience.

My car-crash-mangled hands automatically reached up to clutch at the edges of the plunger, trying to prevent it from closing around my head. I felt something akin to an adrenaline rush, which helped me ignore the pain of my injuries and hold off the plunger. My teeth clenched with effort as the plunger continued to gain pressure.

Eventually however, my smashed arms had to give out under the extreme force. The plunger clamped down around my blood-caked head, and my broken fingers scrabbled uselessly and painfully against the edges. This time though, all my struggling did was make the plunger grip even harder in an effort to subdue me.

My eyes clenched shut in what I'm not ashamed to admit was sheer terror. Whether or not it was to hold back tears as well, I can't remember. My ears strained in the silence, anxiously awaiting the awful sound of a vacuum cleaner that would accompany the loss of everything that made me an individual.

Instead, my overly tense body jumped like a scared rabbit as a I heard a hiss, and a muffled explosion, swiftly followed by the plunger releasing its death grip on my cranium. I immediately jolted away from the device, allowing it to flop pathetically to the floor, wondering what the heck had just happened.

There was a loud beep, like the sound just before an announcement is made over an intercom, coming from some unseen speaker in the shadowy room.

"Maintenance needed for the Cleanser. I repeat, Maintenance needed for the Cleanser. Current cleansing process has been aborted. Please fix the machine before there is a backup in the Newly Deceased line." a robotic voice announced.

Contraptions like an individuality-sucking reincarnation machine needed maintenance? Apparently.

Before I could either think on the irony of that, or even contemplate my luck, brilliant orbs of light suddenly descended from the black ceiling. They dropped like rocks, before some unknown power allowed them to slow to a hover about three feet from the floor. Once their flight was stabilized, the converged on the broken device like flies to honey.

They were either estimating the damage, or actually fixing the Cleanser - I didn't stick around long enough to find out. If there was going to be an unlikely happenstance that allowed me to escape a permanent session of Brain-Bleaching, I was definitely going to take advantage of it.

So I took the only way out - through the doorway on the other side of the room that the 'cleansed' souls left through. I sprinted as fast as I could with my broken body over to it, forcing myself not to pause and stare into the black nothingness that was beyond - including no floor. I stepped through the exit, and was whisked away as the medallion around my neck flared like a miniature sun.

I couldn't help but feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole as I fell into the ether of what was presumably the KHR Universe. It was like going on a rollercoaster, except I couldn't exactly feel my body, and I was moving sideways instead of up or down.

Then, I knew no more - for a while. Next thing I knew, I was getting bodily fluids wiped off of me at a hospital by some dude in scrubs before I was handed over to some strange lady who promptly started to coo at me. The lady was on a bed, presumably in a hospital, and there were tons of strange people filing into the room with teddy bears and other crap.

I squinted up at the woman who was definitely way to close to my face, still shuddering slightly from having blood and uterus fluid wiped off me. Way too freaky. The only consolation I got was that at least I wasn't aware inside the womb. Then again, I was probably going to have to get used to squicky stuff like that seeing as I had just been thrust into a manga world centered around the mafia.

'Speaking of freaky…' I wiggled my legs together, making sure there wasn't something between them that shouldn't be. I almost heaved a distinctly un-babyish sigh of relief when I found that I had somehow retained my original gender. Though now that I thought of it, I would never know if my soul had originally been another gender, or even how many times it could have gone through the reincarnation process.

If that wasn't a major mind fuck, I don't know what is.

I heard the dude in scrubs saying something to the man who had been lingering closely to the bed - maybe my 'father'? The only thing was, I couldn't understand it.

They were speaking Italian, of course.

I scowled grumpily as I listened to them. I had better learn the language fast - along with Japanese, darn it! If Lambo in canon could be bilingual, despite being a complete idiot, I sure as heck could be trilingual at least!

Apparently, however, my disgruntled face was taken as something else, and my 'mother' promptly attempted to breast feed me. It was way closer to another chick's boobs then I'd ever wanted to be. Unfortunately, I did learn something from the reproduction chapter of my Biology textbook, and I knew breast milk would keep me from getting infections or diseases. It was going to take at least around a year until I could actually just drink normal milk. Having the knowledge and experience of a fifteen-year-old didn't keep me from having the immune system of a newborn.

It did make me wonder though, how my brain could be developed enough to actually hold all my knowledge and experience when I had just been born into a little, tiny, baby body.

I'm just going to chalk that one up to supernatural something-or-other.

Plus, my stomach was somewhat empty - and it also attempted to dry heave once or twice when my brain informed me that babies drank uterus fluid sometimes so that they could practice swallowing.

Then of course, my mind following that train of thought and informed me that my motor functions were going to have to develop all over again, and I literally wouldn't be able to wipe my own ass for a while.

I was just going to have to be an 'early-developer'.

Still, this was going to be a very long, very demeaning 'childhood'.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Whoah. I actually updated one of my stories! Rejoice, fair readers! Huzzah! - which sounds so weird in my mind that I just had to type it. The inspiration fairy has once against graced my door. Or couch, rather.

Disclaimer: See the first chapter, please.

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Keeping Your Character - Chapter Two

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I awoke with a jaw-cracking yawn, my eyes watering as I did so. It took a moment of retarded staring at the dumb sheep painted on the walls of my bedroom before my brain decided to jump start itself. As soon as it did, however, I instinctively rolled myself out of bed, bracing my arms on the grass-green carpet, and immediately started to do push-ups.

Despite my formerly lazy-as-heck character, I have somehow managed to channel my inner workaholic over the past five years. I don't know if it was the natural energy possessed by all little kids coming to life or what, but it was oddly more satisfying to go to bed after a long days work as opposed to going to bed satisfied by managing to weasel my way out of anything too strenuous or boring.

Of course, it also probably had something to do with the fact that I am now involved in the mafia, whether I like it or not thanks to the family I was born into for my second chance at life. Skills and abilities I had previously put off learning, I am proud to say I am learning at a wonderful rate - all because they are necessary for self-preservation.

People say that being selfish is part of human nature, and that all homo sapiens have the instinct for self-preservation. In fiction, it's mostly the villains that put emphasis on that particular trait, what with their quests for immortality and whatnot - but the heroes usually put their lives on the line without a second thought, and stupidly never consider what happens if they die, or even the turmoil they're putting the loved ones they left behind through.

Since I am now in a fictional work myself, I suppose I'm leaning more toward villain on the self-preservation spectrum. Then again, the fictional work that I happen to be in has the actual heroes being part of the frickin' mafia, so I suppose I could still qualify for a 'good-guy' badge or something.

I suppose, as opposed to some villains - or any characters in general, I can actually rationalize having an aversion to dying. Because I have, you know? Died, that is. The looming threat of having any personality or individuality I may have being sucked out of me upon kicking the bucket is definitely inspiration to get my butt into gear. And even though there is a chance of death in the KHR Universe not leading to the Cleanser, there's also the chance of it instead leading to a Hell with six levels of torment - as mentioned by Mukuro.

Considering the facts that I'm probably going to end up doing some pretty nasty things with my future profession, and that I'd rather kill than be killed - I'd probably end up going to said hell if that is, in fact where bad people in this universe go when they start pushing up daisies.

So, dying is a big no-no as far as I'm concerned. And I am, as previously stated, very concerned.

So, with death not being a feasible option for my future, I have taken to training with a single-minded determination (though I actually end up double-minded more than not because I blank out when I train and my thoughts spiral outward on random tangents) I didn't even know I had. Training has been physical as well as mental, though it thankfully seems that biologically having the body of a small child allows me to have the ultra-absorbent learning factor of a small child. When combined with what I feel is a substantial amount of common sense, this results in me learning Italian and Japanese in the span of a couple years. I am officially trilingual (and also learning Russian and Mandarin, because there are prominent mafia families in the countries that speak those languages), and the strongest five-year-old I have ever heard of - because Reborn isn't an actual five-year-old, you know.

One of the awesomest things about all this work, is that I will never again have to watch dubbed anime. And I can also do all sorts of nifty tricks like jump higher than my actual height, and climb ridiculously flat buildings, and even punch a dent in a brick wall. You gotta love the laws of anime physics - as in none whatsoever.

So, once finishing my morning workout - consisting of three hundred push-ups, crunches and jumping jacks each, as well as some yoga stretches I learned by observing an 'aunt's' yoga class - I am now ready to wipe the sweat off with a soothing warm shower. Which is another kind weird thing that has changed upon coming here - I used to hate taking showers, because I saw it as a waste of time. Now I actually enjoy the small bit of relaxation I am afforded by shower time.

Meh. Then again, it's probably also because I am now actually able to bath myself on my own without my nanny watching to make sure I don't drown. I must say, my sense of modesty has definitely taken major hits by being in the body of a toddler.

Into the bathroom it is. I enjoy walking across the nice plush carpet that coats the floor of my bedroom. It's actually long, and as mentioned before, grass-green. It's supposed to fit with the theme of my room being a sheep pasture. Apparently upon having a female child, my so-called 'parents' decided to tell the nanny responsible for most of my upbringing to get me lamb-themed stuff instead of cow. Now there are fuzzy white cotton balls with limbs adorning almost every facet of my living space.

I do like my rubber sheep that I have instead of a ducky, though. Its limbs go all splayed out when you squeeze it.

The puffy, cloud-shaped stuff put in where no sheep paraphernalia could be found is a bit weird though. Every time I see it, I think Cloud à Cloud Guardian à Hibari. And the thought of having Hibari in my bathroom is kind of creepy - contrary to the opinion of many a fan girl. And when it isn't Hibari, it's Skull, or Gola Mosca, who/which are both even creepier.

Anywhoo, after a nice, calming shower, I wrapped a tiny, white, fluffy towel (with a plush sheep-head sewn on) around my chibi-proportioned body and climbed my sheep-shaped stepladder thingy to brush my teeth with my toothbrush that had a picture of a sheep on it.

Upon looking into the mirror over the sink (with a sheep-engraved border) I couldn't help but stop and stare at what I saw. It was still odd to see someone so different when looking at my own reflection.

Then again, I was probably more comfortable in this body than I ever was in my old one. I had more confidence, for one thing, and I wasn't afraid to act in a weird manner for people to see. It was probably because eccentricity is more allowed in an anime, or at least more blissfully ignored. Or it could be because I'm currently only in the body of a five year old, and am allowed to act silly because I'm young. It could even be because I find this new body more attractive than my old one - because who's seen an ugly anime character unless they were purposefully created to be ugly? But whatever.

My face was still round, but with baby fat instead of just being naturally shaped that way - I would eventually grow into a thinner, heart-shaped face. My eyes are now a bright green color, with no hint of gray whatsoever, and they take up like half of my face - though instead of the wide-eyed child look, they are still half-lidded with my usual disinterested expression. My skin is still pale, but probably because of my new European descent, as opposed to bleaching by computer screens. Good news is - I don't have any traces of acne anymore - which could either be because of my very young age, or because I am in an anime, and zits are only used as plot devices. The only odd things on my face are those weird number-sign birthmarks that I always thought looked kind of homosexual on canon!Lambo. My hair is just as short and curly as my previous body's hair - though instead of light brown, it's the color of tar - and even frizzier thanks to the static shock that seems to follow me around.

I know what you're thinking now. Static shock means electricity. Electricity plus future Lightning Guardian equals Dying Will Flames, right? If you are in fact thinking that, you'd actually be right. You may now do a mental happy-dance if you wish.

Funny thing though, the only way to use Dying Will Flames is if you have the resolution to do something as if you were to die, right? Well, I have no intention of dying whatsoever, so upon being threatened by an assassin who had interrupted my foraging for a midnight snack when I was three, I just reached for… something, and got green lightning.

Just so you know, electrocuting someone to death results in loss of bowel-control on the victim's part. I so did not hang around long enough to be the on to clean that up.

Yet another thing I added to my training schedule for the past two years. Not bowel clean-up, of course, but controlling my Lightning Flames.

With a small shake to get my thoughts back on track - getting off-track happens more than you may think - I promptly spat out my toothpaste, grinned a shiny-white-Yamamoto-style-grin to examine my charming Mafioso smile, and walked back into my room to get dressed for the day.

Upon seeing my sheep-pasture-mural-covered closet, I could help but let a smug smirk of satisfaction cover my face. Odd thing to grin at, I'm sure it must seem, but for you to understand why I did so, I must explain something about the family I was born into.

The Bovino Family is, first and foremost, a mafia Famiglia - yeah, Italian. As such, in order to teach their children life-skills that they will need for their future professions, all the kids are encouraged to steal whatever they want from each other (and if none of their numerous cousins seems to have exactly what they want, they are just as encouraged to try and extort it out of the nearest adult, or steal it from wherever sells the thing) This, the adults say, is supposed to teach us how to thieve properly, as well as how to set traps to protect our own things.

As much as the Bovinos seem to suck with parental skills, I have to admit, I am now proficient with lock-picking, trap-laying, sneaking, lying, and all sorts of other things.

Therefore, it is extremely smugness-inspiring to see my closet, because it is full of all the clothes I have ever received from the adults, as well as numerous articles that are a couple sizes too big for me, but kept as trophies from my less competent cousins. I'd say I kept them to remind myself that I am improving more with each passing day, but instead, I'm pretty sure it's because it's fun to taunt my more odious relations by occasionally wearing them over my normal clothes.

Plus, over-sized clothes are just comfy.

After dressing myself - another thing I am glad to be able to do on my own without 'Nanny Horrible' hanging around - in a simple t-shirt and jeans combo, I proceeded to make my way out the door and into the hallway, careful to not upset the traps I set to keep out my kleptomaniac cousins.

My unsocked and unshoed feet padded silently down the marble hallway. It's actually more simple to find my way around the Bovino HQ mansion than you'd think. You just follow the melodious echo of adolescents yelling and screaming at each other among other various noises.

In such a way, it was a simple matter of following my ears to the kitchen/dining room hybrid where all Bovinos under the age of eighteen were fed and watered.

I habitually braced myself before entering the room, and as soon as I did, I was immediately forced to duck a flying glob of eggs that was on a direct flight path toward my forehead. As the eggs gloppily slid down the hallway wall behind me, my eyes instantly zoomed in on where the eggs originated from. I couldn't help but roll my eyes upon the discovery that they came from one particularly obnoxious cousin who I recently trashed in a training simulation.

With a quick mental note to take revenge, I slunk into the room, snatcher a clean plate from a cupboard near the kitchen part of the room, and then proceeded to take what I wanted to eat from the plates of my cousins - because the steal-and-protect rules carried over to mealtimes as well. Successfully eating all that was on your plate at the beginning of whatever meal is a victory in this place.

Anyway, I snatched some sausage, stabbed a cheese omelet, and grabbed a couple slices of bread. After piling them all on my plate, I proceeded to violently mash it all into an odd-looking, yellowish, gloopy mess. This has the double-effect of indulging my inner child, and also making my food seem unappetizing to my gluttonous piggy cousins. I also spat on it, so if one of them did decide to steal my meal, I would have a form of insta-revenge.

Sad thing is - it'll still taste better than all the breast-milk and baby food that got shoved down my throat during the early days of this second existence.

I curled my arm around my plate, shoveled the mush in with my other hand, and upon finishing, tossed said plate like a Frisbee toward the cousin that had aimed egg-glob toward me earlier. He got hit on the neck - which is what I was aiming for - and was rendered forcibly mute. I'm sad to say that it was only temporary - well, that and it didn't make much of a difference considering just how many other cousins were still loudly bickering. There are like, twenty of them.

Anyway, I've got to say, it is so satisfying to be able to act on your violent urges without being lectured about how inappropriate it is. That's probably another thing that I have to thank being in an anime for.

So, after washing down my breakfast by swilling down with a specially-made-for-me cup of Earl Grey Tea I bribed a cousin into making for me (which I didn't bother to backwash into because even those idiots know not to mess with my Earl Grey), I made my escape from the chaotic food room and skipped off toward the Weapons Testing Facility. In case you didn't know, the Bovino Family, though not particularly powerful in the mafia world, are well know for their revolutionary weapons arsenal.

Since I have the privilege of being a Bovino for my second life, I get to test said revolutionary weapons when they are only prototypes - because that's what we Bovino children do for training simulations. Test out potentially lethal weapons on each other.

Of course, we are all forced to wear these special suits that partially negate kinetic energy, and the weapons themselves are nerfed. It's still pretty awesome to be able to blow up your annoying cousins, even if the explosions are just paint capsules. Violence was sadly not socially acceptable in my past world.

As another plus, we are taught to handle all sorts of different weapons, and learning how to efficiently shoot guns and other such pieces of artillery Is extremely beneficial toward my whole 'not-dying' goal.

And, another thing going toward my 'not-dying' goal, there's also that unexpected surprise I got when I had just physically turned two years old. Thankfully it was a 'YES! That's awesome!' type of surprise, as opposed to a 'NOOOO! This sucks!' type of surprise.

It seems that I have a bit more time to get myself up to a satisfactory combat standard than I had first thought.

As it turns out, there was a reason that the Cleanser leaves you a completely blank slate after its done - besides the having knowledge from past lives - which is evidenced by the fact that I am still a chick instead of being shunted into a male body. I clearly remember that the medallion hung around my neck had said the world of KHR, but more specifically 'as written by Akira Amano'. Hopefully, that means that it is safe to assume, as I have, that I am not in a fanmade universe where Lambo's character is naturally a female. This, of course, means that me still being myself has had an impact on what I knew as canon for the KHR Universe.

Apparently, there were more changes made than just my 'equipment' being the same as it was in my past life.

Once I had started to get an adequate understanding of the most commonly used languages around Bovino HQ, I had started to get an inkling that something was different. Something wrong with the big picture, ya know? The final nail in the coffin of my belief that this world was exactly the same as canon except for 'Lambo' being female was an overheard conversation.

I remember it being during the year I had turned two. It was around August - I remember because my previous life's birthday was that month - and my now biological parents - who were actually the heads of the Bovino Family before they died a couple years ago - were excitedly speaking in Italian about some big event coming up.

They weren't so much excited about said event, as the fact that thy were actually deemed important enough to be invited.

It was when I heard what the event actually was all about that I nearly choked on my own saliva.

The date of the event was October tenth - and if you are really geeky about KHR, you'll already know the significance of that. They talked a bit more, and then finally outright confirmed that the event was a party being thrown by the Vongola Nono in celebration of his youngest son's tenth birthday.

Yeah, major brain freeze occurred - though without the pleasure of ice cream or a slushie to go with the sinus ache.

I mean, come on. The Ninth's youngest son is Xanxus - adopted of course, but no one is supposed to know that. If Xanxus, who is twenty-four by the time he debuts in the story, is only ten (turning ten, on the tenth, of the tenth month, with roman numeral tens in his name… wow) when 'Lambo' is two years old… do the math.

I somehow managed to be born ten years before Lambo was supposed to be.

This, of course, is the reason why I'm still in Italy when I'm five years old, instead of being shipped of to Namimori to 'assassinate Reborn'. Then again, that probably wouldn't happen anyway. Because though the solitude that is the result of neglect on the part of the Bovino adults disagreed with canon!Lambo and resulted in him acting out for attention - it suits me rather well. And since I'm not going out of my way to irritate everyone for attention, my biological grandfather - who is now the boss after my biological parents died - won't be annoyed enough with me to send me off on an impossible suicide mission just to get rid of me.

The best theory as to why my time of birth had changed, is because when I had died, my soul was fifteen years old. Maybe the carry-over had changed the point I entered the timeline so that I would be the same age - fifteen that is - at the time my 'character' would enter the 'storyline'.

On another note - I had to giggle after I figured this out. Not a scheming giggle as I thought up many nefarious things to do with my extra ten years, or even a perverted giggle because I'd be closer to the age of all the eligible and pretty males that make up the majority of this series' cast by the time the story started.

Actually, it wasn't so much a giggle, as a cackle of delight at someone else's expense.

You have to admit, the image of a grumpy, child-Xanxus just barely tolerating the crush of people in the room - and only then because it is his _tenth_ birthday, and because he has a ridiculously expensive platter of meat in front of him as he slouches at a table.

For added effect, you may imagine a cardboard party hat attached to his head.

Xanxus always was one of my favorite characters.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I think this story is great for my inspiration. It's so easy to write. I think it's my favorite. But fear not, I will still write for my other stories... eventually.

Disclaimer: I don't own KHR - that pleasure goes to Akira Amano.

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Three

* * *

So yeah. You know that training exercise I mentioned last chapter? The one hosted regularly for all the younger Bovinos to get their skills up to snuff while simultaneously giving out test runs for all the experimental weaponry?

Well that itself went okay. I got to throw a bomb - well, an altered grenade that only threw out paint instead of fiery doom and shrapnel - at one of my cousins who had, as of late, been trying to get through the traps on my room's door. It probably had something to do with the fact that I had taken to hanging his stolen underpants in the hallways, covered in a questionable brown substance and embroidered with his name, but that was because he had spilled my Earl Grey the week before. Is this what they call a revenge cycle?

Anyway, after the whole training session was over and everyone was dragging themselves to the shower-rooms, things kind of declined - not so much a nice toddle down a pleasantly grassy hill as a headlong leap off the slippery slope followed by a plummet into a fissure deep enough to see hellfire at the bottom.

The events happened like this: after I had put away my protective eye gear - these really cool-looking goggles - and cleaned and set aside the weaponry I had been equipped with, one of my cousins came up to me, looking all nervous and stuff.

I was, of course, immediately suspicious. I've read a few books on body language and psychology over the past few years, and his limbs and body positioning were practically screaming 'OHMIGOD! I did something reallyreally bad. They are going to get me!'

Then I learned from him that he had taken an experimental prototype from the Weapons Research and Development Laboratories.

I was like, 'You're completely nutso, man. Not even the mildly-useful, sociopathic brand of nutso that is needed for mafia dirty-work. The stupid, mentally-deficient nutso.' And I wasn't in any way kidding.

Those scientists in R & D were all geeks, nerds and dweebs that were bullied in high school, and hired by the Bovino Family right out of college. As it happened, they all have an extremely developed revenge complex. If you decided to mess with them, the next weapon from them that you use will blow up in your face, and somehow strip you naked in front of all your nasty relatives - and they will all mysteriously have a camera on them at the time.

They were those kind of characters that you see where even the main badasses of the manga are completely petrified by the threat of their wrath. So of course, I had a mildly healthy respect for them, and refrained from doing anything unauthorized by them when visiting the labs - or at least, I wasn't caught doing anything.

And then he started babbling. Honest to god, how-the-heck-is-his-mouth-even-moving-that-fast babble.

What I managed to decipher from said babble was a bunch of gibberish and the vague explanation that he had done it to impress some girl from another Family - and since he's a Bovino, what better way than with a fancy Bazooka.

Yeah. Bazooka. Bovino. Add those together, you get unrealistic ten-year-time-travel thingamabob.

So then of course, I had to ask, 'Why did you come to me, and why the heck should I even care about the situation you've gotten yourself into?' because affection out of familial bonds is pretty darn lacking with the Bovinos. In this Family, you don't do anything out of the goodness of your heart - another thing that is encouraged by the adults to supposedly prepare you for the mafia world.

His answer would have been ego-inflating, if I hadn't constantly drilled it into myself over the past years to never get an inflated ego, because everyone knows overestimating yourself is the fastest way to get your butt whooped - and if I hadn't been suspicious that he was just buttering me up so I'd end up being the fall guy for his blundering.

He explained that I was probably the most skilled out of all the Bovino kids, and since I didn't get into trouble with the adults and was pretty quiet and unnoticeable, that I would be the perfect one to foist the prototype TYBazooka off on until the lab techies weren't out for his blood and/or utter public humiliation any more.

My answer to that was, of course, 'What do I get out of this?' Equivalent Exchange and all that crap. The Elric brothers would be proud, right?

He offered a favor - whatever I want, to be called in at any time.

I decided to accept the deal. It was no real inconvenience to me at the time, and having control like that over someone was good incentive. It was like a blank check, only with infinitely more uses than mere money could have.

Soon after, I left Bovino HQ, Ten-Year Bazooka in tow, out to explore the surrounding parts of Italy for the day while the R & D lab techs turned over every stone and strip searched every Bovino in pursuit of their missing shiny experiment - and revenge of course.

So, while my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandfather were being worked up into a anxious tizzy - and also being strip-searched - I was out getting green tea gelato at my favorite sweet shop.

It was very, very good. I also had some _crespella_ from a street vendor - which is just the fancy Italian word for crepes. I got them filled with ricotta cheese and some sausage. Yummy.

Of course, after that, things had to get worse. I did say that things declined after the training simulation, didn't I? I'm sure you must be thinking, 'How could your day go bad? You got what amounts to a promise for slavery from one of your cousins, you had wonderful, wonderful gelato, and your stomach is contently full with ricotta and sausage crepes! How can that be bad?'

If you did actually say that, I would call you an optimistic moron who is so far from being Genre Savvy that you think that you're always supposed to turn your back on an enemy, and that bad guys - the ones who are actually good at being evil - have honor.

And if I didn't manage to get all that out of my mouth before I was kidnapped, well, you'd just be so darn shocked and horrified anyway, wouldn't you?

Yes, you did read that correctly. I was kidnapped. Despite my super-ninja skills, which actually are pretty darn super for a five-year-old - physical or otherwise, I was caught by surprise. One second I was enjoying the last bite of my ricotta and sausage crespella, the next, I felt a small prick of pain on my neck, and I was being stuffed into the backseat of a van. There wasn't even enough time to ready myself for an electrical-loss-of-bowel-control attack against them. Just kind of 'wham, bam, in the van'.

I'm just going to get even more paranoid after this. It's going to escalate to Mad-Eye Moody levels. Then again, it actually would be kind of cool to have an x-ray eye, and not even because of the perversion potential. I probably wouldn't go around barking 'Constant Vigilance!' though, because why remind potential enemies to be on their guards? That just makes me sound even more paranoid though…

But, back on the subject - I was kidnapped.

As I fought to keep from blacking out - presumably from whatever they injected me with upon pricking my neck, the last thing I could hear was someone mentioning the successful obtainment of the Bovino's prototype time-travel device, as well as a much-needed test subject.

I wondered if the whole blank check, cousin-slave thing was going to even be worth it. Somehow, I doubted it.

Upon waking from my drug-induced loss of consciousness, I found myself in a faded gray cell of a room, sitting on a threadbare futon. It was clean, from what I could tell from the smell, and there were metal cuffs around my hands that were chained to the wall. After I examined myself, I also found that I had been stripped of my clothing and possessions, along with any weapons that had been hidden within them.

Were the guys who took me pedobears? I mean, who else would kidnap a relatively pretty five-year-old girl and then chain her to the wall naked - and actually have specially made cuffs that were small enough to make me unable to simply slip my tiny wrists out of them?

With a shudder at the very thought, I strained my memory to try and recall all the details of my kidnapping. Injection on the neck, followed by male voices talking about the TYBazooka I'd been carrying and experiments.

My cousin so owed me if I had just been taken because of the TYBazooka that I had been carrying solely at his behest.

At any rate, I couldn't tell if being abducted by mad scientists was worse than being taken by pedobears. While one group would molest me sexually - a traumatic experience for sure, the other would experiment on me, potentially taking away my sanity or humanity - and that was pretty much what I had spent the last five years training to avoid. It would be like the Cleanser all over again, only at the hands of actual people instead of the lovechild of a plunger and a vacuum hose.

What were these people going to do with me?

My question was answered as someone unlocked my cell door and entered the tiny little room. He had the stereotypical look of a mad scientist - white lab coat, glasses that reflected light unrealistically were it not for anime physics, and stringy, greasy hair indicating that he forgot to wash himself in his fervor for experimenting.

Without a word to me, though mumbling continuously under his breath, he shuffled over to me. Snapping on some thin, rubber gloves, he grabbed my chin, tilting my face from side to side. After a moment or two, he seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Subject-L could be of use for infiltration and assassination due to her small build. She also seems to have a highly developed muscular system for a child of five years, which shows an aptitude for combat situations. As a child from the Bovino Family, it only seems fitting that she be a perfect specimen for the Ten-Years-Later Bazooka prototype experiments once we've figured out how the technology of it works. Now she just needs to be sterilized from outside influences and she'll be ready for experimentation." he stated, seemingly to himself, but that was proven wrong when two more people walked into the room.

They were carrying between them a tub filled with water and a couple of scrubbing brushes. I could also see a shaving razor in one of their hands.

I also immediately noticed that while they were wearing gloves, it as of the wimpy, thin plastic kind, and not rubber. As soon as they threw me in the tub, and got their arms covered in water, I discharged the burst of electricity I'd been building up, and gave them a shock they'd remember - well, if they even survived to remember it.

It made me feel kind of like a Pikachu. Especially as I was currently lacking clothes, like any Pokemon.

I winced slightly as the green electricity coursed through the water in the tub as well and shocked me slightly as well - but I certainly didn't have it as bad as the two twitching sporadically on the floor.

Instead of being angered by the dispatching of his comrades, the first man seemed to be excited. "Fascinating," said he, "Subject-L, despite her young age of five years, seems to have some control over her Dying Will Flame - of the Lighting variety - a feat that has not been seen before other than in Xanxus, the Ninth Vongola's youngest son. As an additional matter of interest, while the electricity appears to have caused her a minor amount of pain as it conducted through the water of the decontamination bath, she seems to have some sort of biological resistance to electrical charges."

As two more people were called in to drag away the somewhat smelly bodies of the two I had shocked, I couldn't help but feel that while I may have gotten some petty revenge, I may have made the situation worse for myself. Being something of interest to a mad scientist who was planning to experiment on you probably wasn't good.

Then two other men came in, this time clad in rubber suits, and after injecting me with something that made my thoughts dazed and slow, proceeded shave my head bald, and scrub my skin until it turned a dark pink. Then I forcibly dressed in a thin, bright green uniform, which was, as I numbly overheard, part of a warning system for experiment-subjects who possessed Dying Will Flames, and were therefore more dangerous.

After that, I was moved to another room by the two men that 'decontaminated' me, who also clapped some weird bulky handcuffs around my little wrists. Said cuffs seemed hardly necessary with the mind-dulling drug they had pumped into my system. The new room was completely white on the inside - like an asylum - and was just as sterile-smelling as the last. The label on the outside of the room however, made my heart sink as I barely managed to focus on it and process the words through my drug-induced haze.

It read, 'Dying Will Flame Suppression Cell - Number 07.'

Wonderful. On top of being captured by mad scientists, and apparently having a future of experimentation to look forward to, I was now going to be trapped in a room that if it didn't drive me insane just from the lack of color alone, wouldn't allow me to use my Lightning Flames.

They pushed me inside the cell, also taking the cuffs off - probably because they had been suppressing my Lightning Flames, and since I was now in a room that did just that, they weren't needed anymore. One of the men held me up slightly as the other efficiently re-cuffed my wrists - this time the cuffs were attached to chain embedded in the wall.

I fell limply to the floor - or as limply as the chains would allow, like a marionette whose strings had been cut. The floor was white too, and though my glazed over eyes roamed the tiny place, they took in nothing because I couldn't find enough will-power to even focus through whatever drug they had given me.

After awhile, I couldn't tell you how long, the drug seemed to fade slightly. It was enough for me to realize that the metal cuffs were digging into the tender skin of my wrists, so I managed to force myself into a sitting position. I examined the room, now that my brain could properly managed the information taken in by my eyes, and found that there was a small white cot in the corner, and there was a small window in the door, covered in bars.

Testing the length of my chains - which were long enough to allow me access to the entire cell - I crawled to the door. Though the window was too high for me to look through, I managed to hoist myself up by the rim and peer through the bars.

After a few seconds, I dropped - not because my fingers had not the strength to hold me up, but because of what I had seen in my brief look through the bars.

A scientist had been walking briskly by me cell door, muttering under his breath as he went, but what my eyes had immediately zeroed in on was the bold letters on the back of his clipboard.

My head dropped into my hands as I scooted back against the wall, which only increased my feeling of disquiet as my palms ran over the alien texture of my newly-shaved scalp. I had been captured by the Estraneo Family.

The same Estraneo Family that had developed the Possession Bullet - the same one Mukuro and the Kokuyo Gang had escaped from after they had finally resorted to experimenting on their own children because of a lack of test subjects.

Apparently, being born ten years earlier, and being in Italy, had some cons as well - the Estraneo had yet to be slaughtered by Mukuro after they made the mistake of experimenting on him and his eye. Hopefully I could escape from this place before I was altered beyond recognition or sanity.

I don't want to lose myself.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Wow… If I had gotten this chapter out I little earlier I may have impressed myself. But I didn't, so I didn't. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading the new chapter of Keeping Your Character. It's a very fun story to write, so I'm hoping for inspiration as much as you guys are.

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

Edited: 8/17/2012

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Four

* * *

Time flies when you're having fun - or so the saying goes. Conversely, time digs its heels in like a stubborn donkey (it'd be hooves then) when you're experiencing something unpleasant. (So basically, my theory is that Time, instead of an old man that one would call the honorary title of 'Father', is a winged donkey. Like a Pegasus, only its uglier cousin. With Chronokinesis.)

During my unfortunately extended stay with the Estraneo Family scientists, I'd have to say that the metaphorical Time Donkey had its little back hooves dug in so deeply that they were melted down to nubs because of close proximity with the Earth's core.

Of course, my perception of time was like this only when I wasn't drugged up to the gills and/or unconscious for their little surgical procedures. The rest of the time however, was spent either in my little Dying Will nullification cell, strapped to an electric chair - to see how much electricity I could actually have channeled through my body without negative effects, or in a specially made gladiator-pit-thingy that I was regularly dropped into to see how my combat skills were progressing and how any offensive additions they had added to my biological makeup were working.

Sometimes though, they didn't even bother with drugging me up - either out of extreme sadism, or perhaps it would interfere with their newest operation. It could be either with these people. Either way, it is definitely not nice to feel scalpels slicing through your own skin and bones - it's downright painful and creepy as heck.

Other times, a scientist with a syringe would come into my cell, inject said syringes contents, my vision would go black, and I would wake up an indeterminable amount of time later back inside my cell with some new stitches. I don't think I'd be able to tell you whether I enjoyed not being aware of the procedures or not. I can tell you this: Ignorance is not bliss, it is anxiety - if you're smart, that is.

The electric chair wasn't as bad. The steel of the chair was cold until it heated up - and then it left burns, and the electric current was still horribly excruciating, but with each progressive zap treatment, the pain receded a bit more. And besides the fact that the pain was a bit more bearable, it also worked toward making me strong - albeit in a highly unconventional and inadvisable way - I was well on my way to being completely immune to any sort of pain at all that came with electricity. With the surgeries, on the other hand, I wasn't sure if they were doing something to make their weapon 'Subject L' (my new moniker during my stay with the charming Estraneo Family) stronger, or if they were just cutting me open to see how I worked.

It was the same with their little fight arena. Though I was almost always hauled back to my white little cell with new bruises and cuts after the combat simulations - sometimes even a broken bone or two - I was also gaining fighting experience with each drone I destroyed, or each fellow experiment that I defeated (I tried not to think of what they did with the 'obsolete' experiments after collecting their broken bodies from the arena floor). In addition to that, it was probably the only time I was actually able to move around freely and of my own volition (if you call having to wear a remote controlled choke collar that would be activated if I made a step in the wrong direction 'freely')

Plus, 'adversity is the mother of invention', right? At least, I think that's the saying. I think I learned to produce and manipulate my Lightning Flames far more efficiently than if I had progressed in skill only due to my self-training regime. I also became extremely proficient in a few different weapons of my own choice - one of the only things I was allowed to decide for myself. Of course, I would rather have not had to go through the numerous times strapped to a gurney, but whaddaya gonna do?

Inside my Dying Will Suppression Cell, I thankfully wasn't put into any pain - especially considering most of my time (or the time I could perceive at least) was spent inside the white little room. I was even given pain relievers upon being delivered to the cell, so any injuries that I had before hand were dulled to a quiet throbbing instead of screeching agony.

It was however, utterly boring. Just not a bad as pain. I think I'm actually developing an allergy to pain. Then again, any symptoms I assume could be an allergic reaction could just be from one of their experiments.

I of course, having spent my first life in the age of America where citizens endeavored to be in a state of constant entertainment, found ways to kick that despicable Time Donkey into gear.

One of my little hobbies was having trilingual conversations with I and Myself. I - a very self-centered person - using English, Myself - formal and stuffy - using Japanese, and Me - being, well, me - using Italian. It helped me to keep my language skills sharp, and had the added charm that acting like a lunatic always does. I hope I'm not going to turn into a schizophrenic - but then, the wisdom of Douglas Adams comes shining through: "There is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later." It's a pretty good motto for the experiment subject of a Mafia Family of mad scientists.

When I was injured enough to bleed, I decided to make the most of it. Note to all you readers: Red ink is only pretty up to the point that it starts drying into a nasty brownish color; also, writing out crazy ramblings have the same charm of the lunacy involved with talking to yourself. I figured it also added to the work of whoever passes as a janitor here, because the walls were always squeaky (I checked the sound quality) when I was once again shoved away into my cell.

Another of my tricks to spur on the Time Donkey was tapping out extremely vulgar and derogatory messages about the scientists, their mothers and any animals they may have been in contact with in Morse Code. It was fun while it lasted, but it also resulted in me being restrained even more than just being locked in a cell.

Then again, said extra restraints might've been the result of my convoluted escape attempts. Meh.

Anyway, after a few of said attempts to break myself out of the Estraneo Family's 'care', I was not only locked inside my little white room, I was also suspended in the middle of the room by chains and bound in a straightjacket cocoon. It kind of limited my loony writing on the walls and the Morse Code insults. It also rendered me unable to scratch my nose, or any other part of my body for that matter, which irked me very, very much.

Of course, then I just started talking to Myself and I even more. Katekyo Hitman Reborn Character songs may have also weaseled their way into my repertoire. I could actually manipulate my new vocal chords rather well considering the voice I have is the same as Lambo's in the actual series. That is to say, even though I kind of sounded like a prepubescent boy, I had an acceptable singing voice. Nothing special, but enough to carry out a song in tune - which is more than some people can say. But then, I'm sure most people who sing despite being horrible at staying on key are deluding themselves and wouldn't even realize their inability to say that they could carry a tune.

I did manage to refrain from singing 'Gyouza Gyuudon', thankfully. It wouldn't have been the same without an I-pin anyway.

I actually think that anime characters are unable to get sore throats unless it's a gag for the story, because I was able to sing through like five hundred renditions of 'Kufufu no Fu' before I stopped. Even then, it was only because an irate scientist came in to stuff a gag in my mouth.

I don't think I would have lasted as long without a large collection of annoyingly catchy songs to sing.. Thankfully, I could actually remember all the lyrics - the memories of my past life had a strange clarity to them - and best of all, I now actually understand Japanese, so I can actually understand what I'm saying and it's not just a bunch of Asian gibberish.

I'm not sure if it's the experimentations or the peppy Japanese character songs that are having a greater toll on my dwindling reserves of sanity. But then, I must remember.. "There is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later."

When will my 'later' be, I wonder?

The only thing I know for sure is that I _will_ get out of here.

* * *

'Later' came a little later than I would have hoped. I think. The Time Donkey is as vague as ever when it comes to the actual passage of time.

It started with an alarm of some sorts going off. It echoed through the sparse hallways, and was only slightly muffled be my cell's door. A vague thought bubble floated to the top of my mind: What was the alarm for?

I was understandably curious - or at least as curious as my current state of mind allowed for - because never had something happened within the Estraneo laboratories' walls that warranted an extremely loud and screechy alarm, completely with glowing red lights that flashed in time.

Me, Myself, I and even the Time Donkey waited with our breaths in our throats.

A few minutes later (which could have actually been seconds thanks to the Time Donkey's input) our bated breaths were awards with a complete blackout - the normal white lights sputtered out, the red alarm lights sputtered out and the alarm itself sputtered out. It left only a complete atmosphere of darkness and silence (I'm sure there was some danger and disease somewhere…) that would have been creepy if I hadn't spent an inordinate amount of time being experimented on by crazy mafia scientists. Well, and if I hadn't had the whole 'Cleanser: Vacuum-of-Doom-Thingy' experience.

It was kind of disappointing that my bated breath only resulted in a lack of things that had already been, instead of something new coming into existence, so my only reaction was to blink dumbly for a few seconds.

That was, of course, only until I realized that whatever was powering the lights and alarm was also was made my cell Dying Will Flame-proof. And it had just sputtered out.

Maybe my bated breath is worth something after all. Or was it the Time Donkey's?

Either way, I had just gotten an easy ticket out of here.

With great aplomb (I think so at least, and since I was the only person there, it's only my opinion that matters) green electricity spurted from my straight-jacketed arms, Solidifying into tiny, jagged blades that easily tore through the chains and cloth restricting my body.

I stretched luxuriously, working over every muscle that was stiff from being restrained for so long. Not only did it feel extremely nice - I still felt like going to a masseuse after I escaped, though - but it would help loosen me up if I encountered a battle-situation. After a moment or two, I decided it was enough stretching, and time for blowing something else up.

With the first grin to cross my face in what seemed like ages, a ball of Lightning Flames formed between my outstretched palms. Once the power level was high enough, a bolt of electricity blasted forward, streaking toward the door. It exploded with a highly satisfactory banging noise.

For a second I stared at the empty space where the solid, steel door had been. It seemed almost too good to be true that it was this easy to get out of the cell that I had been languishing in for what felt like years. Plus, I was now thinking it might not have been such a hot idea to make such a loud noise when I was trying to escape. It might have been better to be a bit more discrete… but then again, I wouldn't have been able to blow up that darn door, so I didn't really care.

Shaking off my thoughts, I promptly dashed from my cell before any Estraneo people decided to come check up on 'Subject L'. Hopefully, I was leaving that little white room behind forever.

My first course of action, besides blowing my way out of my cell, was to pick up my weapons from the arena area. I wouldn't want to leave them behind, and they would help in fighting off anyone who would attempt to recapture me.

As quickly as I could without sacrificing stealth, I made my way toward where my mental map positioned the arena, feeling along the wall in the total darkness. I managed to get down several halls without any obstacles, but as I glanced around a new corner, my eyes - thankfully adjusted to the dark now - caught a person in a white lab coat speed-walking through the hallway, shining a small flashlight in front of his feet. I scooted closer to the wall, hiding myself deeper into the shadows, watching, waiting.

The second he got close enough, I leapt at him, my small hands closing around his throat and jerking it to the side. There was a snapping noise that was a little too loud for my comfort, but I had done worse earlier with the cell door. As the man slumped to the floor, I dragged him out of the main walkway trying to make his corpse as invisible as possible.

After a moments thought, I decided against stealing his lab coat. While it might make the other Estraneo personnel enough for me to get the drop on them, I wasn't sure if there were any more escaped and vengeful prisoners wandering the hallways, just looking for a white-coat to slaughter. Instead, I snatched up the fallen flashlight, clicked it off and stored it in my pocket (why did the experiments' scrubs have pockets?), allowing my eyes to adjust to complete darkness once again. This way, no one would see me coming - unless they had super vision or something, and I wouldn't put it past the Estraneo to try and do something like that.

Finally making it to the little weapons arsenal, I quickly located the locker labeled 'Subject L'. It was of course, locked, but that was no problem for me when I had access to my Dying Will Flames. It was a simple matter of generating some Lightning Flames around my hand and Solidifying them to the point that they would cut through the metal of the locker. I squinted slightly as the green electricity glowed from my hand, before slicing the door off its hinges.

I caught the door of the locker before it could clang to the floor and gently set it against the wall, before turning eagerly to my weapons.

First and foremost was my absolute favorite - a customized Meteor Hammer. For you folk uneducated in Asian weaponry, a Meteor Hammer is basically two weights connected by a rope or chain. It is known for its speed, accuracy, flexibility and unpredictability. It also had the advantage of being easily concealable. My Meteor Hammer, on the other hand, has a few different sets of interchangeable weights, and they are connected by a pliable cable. When combined with my Lightning Flames, the cable can also be Solidified into rigidity, making it into a double-headed staff.

I quickly attached a bladed weight to each end of the cable before wrapping it efficiently around my arm, here a quickly jerk of said limb would rapidly deploy a blade into my target. The rest of the weights were attached to a belt for portability, and I quickly slung it around my waist before turning my attention toward my secondary weapon.

While it was not as fun to use as my Meteor Hammer, I was just as proficient with my M4 Carbine. The funny thing is, is that if I were still in my old universe, the carbine would be infinitely more useful. Seeing that I am, however, in an anime, that means that melee combat is much more common because it is more popular with the fans. Anyway, the carbine is great for longer ranged attacks - up to about six hundred meters. Plus, it has a bunch of accessories I can attach if need be: a scope, a night vision device, a laser pointer, a grenade launcher, a bayonet, etc. Of course, I am proficient in the use of other types of guns, but the M4 is my favorite.

The M4 was packed away in its case, along with all of said attachments. Since the Estraneo laboratories were so enclosed, I'd probably be using my Meteor Hammer instead.

My eyes darted around my surroundings one last time before I quietly slunk back into the hallways, moving onto my second objective: find where they are keeping the files on the experiments done to 'Subject L'.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hello Dear Readers. I hope you enjoy the newest installment of Keeping Your Character. It was very fun to write. I feel on a roll considering I just updated Defining Deviation as well. I'm kinda proud of myself.

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Keeping Your Character - Chapter Five

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I managed to make it to the file room without any additional encounters with Estraneo scientists - or any complications whatsoever for that matter. It was kind of making me paranoid - especially since I kept wandering across the occasional white-clad, blood-spattered corpse. It made me think that perhaps the scientists were playing a sick little game with me - trying to get me to think that I was about to escape, only to drag me back to my cell and scribble down observations on how I acted in a 'real' situation that required stealth.

However, upon actually getting close enough to see the file room door with my own eyes, I knew there was someone inside. There was a dim light shining through the cracks of the door. It nearly eased my paranoia because something was finally not going _too_ perfectly to be real. But then it acted up again, because there was someone inside the room. Basically, my only options were to go in blind and take my chances with whatever scientist or escaped test subject was there, or wait - time with which the Estraneo personnel could get their act together and come after me.

I chose to open the door. After all, if it were a scientist, he'd probably be somewhere other than the file room. Since it was more likely I was about to come face to face with a fellow test subject, there was a higher chance that there would either be no conflict, or I'd get out unscathed of a fight. Heck, I might be able to team up with whoever it was for safety in numbers - if they weren't batshit insane by this point from experimentation. Then again, it'd take someone thinking at least semi-rationally for them to go after the file room upon escaping, instead of going on a single-minded mission to slaughter the sadistic scientists.

Anyway, I was getting nowhere with all my thinking in circles, so I mentally readied myself, physically positioning the arm with my Meteor Hammer on it, and gently pushed the door open. Faint light spilled through the opening as it silently crept open, and I slipped through the gap. I made sure to let my eyes adjust to the new lighting, before shutting the door behind me, with an audible 'click'.

The person inside spun around, a gun in his hand pointed at my face, while my own arm was deceptively relaxed, ready to attack in a split second's notice.

Of course, you have no idea how hard that deceptively relaxed position was to maintain when I realized that I recognized the person in front of me. He was so familiar I could even recognize him even when his features were indistinct from being backlit by a not to bright flashlight that was set on a table behind him.

He was dressed in dark blue scrubs that had a few deep purple spots from where they were splattered with a considerable amount of blood, and in his free hand was a beige file, currently being subjected to a death grip by his tense fingers. There was a corpse behind him on the ground, crimson liquid staining the lab coat it was sporting. The real kicker, however, was the fact that he had heterochromatic eyes - blue and red - as well as short blue hair done up in a weird topknot that resembled a pineapple.

Mukuro and I stared at each other warily. This went on long enough for me to grow bored, so I mixed things up by smiling at him, and relaxing my stance slightly; not relaxed enough to be off guard if he suddenly decided to attack, however.

He looked at me with a strange expression, but I realized I probably looked even crazier than he did at the moment, despite his decorative blood spatter. I was not quite bald, heavily bandaged, clothed in green scrubs that were a size or two too big, and had a gun almost bigger than my body strapped to my back and a metal cable with blades on the ends coiled around my arm. I was obviously an escaped lab rat that had undergone many, many experiments judging by the tiny rows of neat stitches on my arms, and the manic glint in my eyes. And I was smiling at him.

I'm not even sure if it was a very nice smile, seeing as I hadn't seen a mirror in… however long I had been with the Estraneo scientists. All that work on my 'charming Mafioso grin' wasted…

The silence stretched to the point of being awkward, even to people with no concept of social skills. I didn't really have any idea how to break it though. I mean, what would I say? 'Hey, nice work on that corpse behind you, I think he was one of the guys that gave me this particular scar…'

I don't think so.

Nevertheless, the silence was dragging, and the Estraneo would end up finding both of us soon if we didn't get a move on.

"Do you know where the L Section is?" I asked out of the blue, making sure to speak in Italian.

Mukuro flinched slightly, but skillfully covered up his startled reaction. His mismatched eyes scrutinized me for another moment or two - a surprisingly piercing expression considering how young he looked. Finally, he seemed to have come to a decision. He lowered his gun, though his wary expression never changed, and nodded toward a cabinet on the right side of the room.

I could feel his gaze still on me as I crossed the room over toward where my file was being kept, but ignored it rather well. But then I found my file, and upon opening it, I no longer had to put any effort into ignoring anything - because the whole world had come to a halt and shrunk inwards to only include myself and the file.

'**Subject L, aged 10. **

**Identification code: L50; Location: inside of left elbow. **

**Dying Will Flames: Extremely strong affinity for Lightning Flames, as well as a weaker affinity for Mist Flames.**

**Training: Subject L has been trained in many forms of physical combat, has gone through all levels of the Estraneo stealth simulations, and was the only subject to survive the 'Battle Royale' experiment. **

**Weapons: Proficient with a Meteor Hammer - varying weight attachments. Also skilled with most kinds of guns (presumably from her past training with her previous Famiglia), but is most adept at using an M4 Carbine and its various attachments.**

**Defects: Subject L would have had developed crossed eyes and weakened vision had we not performed corrective eye surgery. Also, the subject has questionable mental health, having taken to writing on the walls of her cell in blood, and displaying other disturbing behaviors.  
**

**Subject L, previously of the Bovino Famiglia, is first and foremost the test subject for the Ten Year Bazooka project. The original Ten-Year Bazooka works on the premise that the user will switch places with their self ten years into the future. However, we have determined that it is impractical to do so. While the Future Self is almost always much stronger, they are also uninformed as to whatever situation they are thrust into, and though they have a five minute time limit, that is enough time to fail a mission. A misinformed agent on an important mission is unacceptable. **

**Thus, we have managed to modify the technology of the Ten-Year Bazooka to correspond to our wishes. Instead of switching places with their Future Self, the user of the modified Bazooka will instead have their consciousness transferred into a copy of the Future Self's body of their choosing. This ensures that the subject will still know the parameters of their mission, while also having a much stronger body. It also has the added effect of getting rid of the time limit, which was added into the schematics so as not to shatter the timeline beyond repair. Another thing this has made possible, is for the user of the Bazooka to transfer their consciousness into the body of a Past Self of their choosing, which was before impossible - another precaution against fracturing the timeline.**

**Also, as a large, purple Bazooka is noticeable and ungainly, we have managed to condense the technology of the Bazooka into a microchip that we have implanted directly into Subject L's brain through a small incision on the back of her skull. In theory, she now simply has to think of which age she wants to be, and the chip will copy the body of whichever self along the timeline she chooses to look like.**

**Subject L also has prodigious control over her Lightning Flames, as well as an extremely large amount for her age - something we have only witnessed in the son of the Vongola Nono; we believe that this is also connected to her odd resistance to the effects of electric charges. (Immunity to electricity has been tested in intervals, increasing the wattage each time. Her resistance seems to grow stronger the more it is tested, and aside from some pain, Subject L can stand up to 750 megawatts of electricity for extended periods of time. She can withstand 500 megawatts with no side effects whatsoever that we can tell.)**

**Because of Subject L's prodigious talent with combat, and her unique ability to change her age with just a thought, she will be used in the future for various missions for the betterment of the Estraneo Famiglia, including: sabotage, assassination, information gathering and seduction.**

**(On a side note: Subject L has been rendered sterile. As interesting as it would be to see if her talents would be passed onto any children she may have, the possibility of Subject L being impregnated on any seduction mission in unacceptable. It also has the effect of preventing her from ever having a menstrual cycle, which would have reduced her competence for at least four days every month.)**

**Future plans for Subject L are: to put her through training for any seduction missions, and also implant another device in her brain to induce loyalty.**

**This concludes the Estraneo Famiglia report on Subject L'**

I stared blankly at the small black letters on the pages in front of me. I wasn't quite sure what to think or feel, besides the festering rage I was harboring toward the Estraneo Famiglia. The Estraneo Famiglia I had apparently been at the mercy of for the past five years. My brain briefly wondered if canon!Lambo had actually had eye problems later in life, and that was why he always seemed to have one of his eyes shut, or if it was another thing that had carried over from my past life. Then of course, I mentally smacked myself and got my thoughts back on track.

First of all, I had been branded. Like some kind of cow, which I most certainly am not despite the original Lambo's nicknames. Or even worse, like a Jew in a concentration camp.

Second of all, they had implanted a chip. Inside my brain. I suppose I should be glad that they had yet to put in the loyalty chip, and had decided to put in the superpower-inducing brain chip first.

Thirdly, they had rendered me incapable of having kids. I actually wasn't quite sure what to feel on the subject besides extremely miffed and violated. I mean, I had never really wanted to have kids. Sure, I think some kids are cute when they aren't crapping or spitting or yelling, but the whole process freaks me out - especially since I have experienced it from the baby's point of view. And periods were definitely a pain.

I carefully relaxed my deathgrip on the file, before I quietly rolled up my left sleeve and peered at my elbow. As I stared at the ugly black serial number that was stark against my pale skin, I settled my feelings, and went for being righteously homicidal toward the entire Estraneo Famiglia.

Well, except for their own kids they had victimized. 'Cause Mukuro is just to entertaining and pineappley to hate unconditionally like that. And Ken and Chikusa are just plain funny.

Speaking of the future Kokuyo Gang members…

I looked up from my file, only to find Mukuro in a predicament similar to my own. He had his own sleeve rolled up, and was staring at his own little set of ugly black numbers with unadulterated rage displayed on his face. His face looked even more chilling than it normally would because he was backlit by the flashlight that lit the room. It was in that moment that I realized how people (Tsuna) could be terrified of him. I myself probably would have been at least a little bit unsettled if I hadn't read creepy fan fiction about him.

You just can't be scared of a guy if you've vividly imagined him in hooker boots. Especially if you've actually seen a fan-drawn picture of it.

I decided to break him out of his anger-induced trance with a perfectly honest question.

"Hey, judging by your scrubs, you've got Mist Flames, right?" I asked, amazed at myself for how absolutely bored my voice sounded considering I had just read in extensive detail how a bunch of mad scientists had violated my rights as a human being.

Mukuro's head snapped up, and his eyes held a incendiary rage before they calmed at the fact that _I_ wasn't the one who had done anything to him, and was, in fact, a fellow victim.

His mismatched eyes spasmed as he smiled - it looked very unused. Now this one I knew for sure wasn't a very nice smile. But then again, if my own smile was as creepy as the one Mukuro achieved, I wouldn't complain about losing my 'charming Mafioso grin' - the trade-off would be worth it. Maybe it was just an automatic result for anyone who had been experimented on by the Estraneo Family.

"Kufufufu, that's right." he chuckled darkly. "Do you have a need for them?"

"Since we're both in the same boat at the moment, I figure, since you're strong enough to have to be labeled by scrubs, we should stick together until we escape. Strength in numbers, right?" I said nonchalantly, absently twirling the slack end of my Meteor Hammer.

His smile dropped as he examined me for a few more moments, his eyes lingering on my left elbow and my weaponry, before his smile made a reappearance. "Yes. That seems like a good idea."

"Great." I said. An arc of green energy erupted from my hand, and the file on 'Subject L' lit ablaze. "You can be illusion man, and I'll be the brute force." I grinned slightly as the ashes floated gently to rest in the slowly spreading pile of blood coming from the scientist's cadaver. "Anything you gotta' get done before we… _blow _this joint?"

Mukuro, who had watched the nonchalant display of power with calculating eyes, nodded. "I wish to see if there are any fellow _experiments_" he grimaced in anger and disgust as he spat out the word, "who would wish to join our little… alliance."

I raised an eyebrow. "Go ahead." I said in a laidback tone, and flapped my hand at the cabinets on the wall. "There's no better place to start looking."

Then my eyes found a computer situated in the corner of the room. "Besides, I want to see if they have any backup files that might come back to bite me in the ass."

As Mukuro stepped quickly around the room, and I moved toward the computer, I called back over my shoulder. "By the way, my name's Lambo. I've been here five years according to my file."

"Mukuro." he uttered in return, already looking intently over a few files in his small hands. "I've been here for three."

"Lucky you." I said sarcastically as I picked up a hard plastic chair off the floor - I supposed it had fallen over in the struggle the dead scientist had made. Or maybe it just fell over when he stood up in surprise to see a little demonic-looking, blue-haired kid spattered in blood closing in on him. I readjusted my Meteor Hammer into a less battle ready position that freed up my hands for typing, gave a mild zap to the computer to get it running, and got to work.

There was silence in the room, the only sounds being the clicking of computer keys, the faint ruffling of papers, and the occasional sound of metal drawers opening and closing. We were both tense, keeping an ear alert for any indication that an Estraneo was nearing the record room, but also keeping our senses subtly trained on the other person in the room.

I mean, who would trust a potentially insane victim of years of experimentation just like that? A stupid person, that's who.

Eventually, I found that there were only a couple computers connected to the Estraneo Family Network, and none of them had information on any 'Subject L', though there was plenty about a few normal mafia activities. Apparently they decided that it was safer to keep their 'sensitive' information (meaning anything that would get the rest of the mafia world screaming for their blood) stored away where it couldn't be hacked - namely, on good, old-fashioned paper.

Still, I fried the computer anyway. One blast of green lightning, and it was toast. Actually, it was literally kind of blackened around the edges.

Then I sat back in my uncomfortable plastic chair and watched Mukuro sift through the numerous files. It was actually kind of cute, because he still had a little baby fat on his cheeks, and he was still short. And he stuck his tongue out sometimes whenever he had to squint in the dull light coming from the sputtering flashlight.

Sighing slightly, I stood from the chair, fishing the flashlight I had stolen from the scientist I had killed out from my pocket. Why do these scrubs even have pockets? It seems weird to put pockets onto the outfits of your lab rats. Whatever.

I clicked on the flashlight and steadily positioned it to shine on the files Mukuro was reading. He looked up in mild surprise, but quickly returned to reading - this time a little faster. To my disappointment, it seemed he only stuck his tongue out when he had to read in insufficient light.

We both froze, however, when we heard footsteps, and anxious murmuring coming from outside the door. I saw Mukuro drop the file and snatch up his gun, even as I immediately snatched the dying flashlight off the table and clicked it off, while simultaneously clicking off the good one in my other hand.

I readied my Meteor Hammer, and reached my free hand out into the darkness, and gently grabbed Mukuro's shoulder. He recoiled slightly, but I shushed him and pulled him toward the corner of the room, where we'd be least likely to be seen.

We stood there, waiting edgily, and watching intently. We saw thin beams of light occasionally shine through the cracks in the door as the footsteps and voices drew closer. I strained my ears, and eventually determined there were about four of them. I whispered the number to Mukuro, and felt him shift as he nodded.

"Shouldn't we wait for security instead of walking around in the dark like this?" a nervous, skittery sort of voice asked.

"Don't be foolish." another voice, self-assured and arrogant. "It's just a blackout."

"But if the power is out, that means some of the subjects may have escaped their cells." a calm, placid female voice pointed out.

"So what?" a snappish voice asked. "We have guns, don't we? Don't tell me you're scared of those dumb little kids."

"On the contrary." the placid voice rebuffed coolly. "Those 'dumb little kids', as you call them, have been put through experiments to alter them into soldiers at the peak of physical strength. And that's not even mentioning the unique procedures some of them have gone through to give them special abilities."

The skittery voice spoke up again. "Did you see that cell door, for Subject L, I think? It was blasted off its hinges and into the opposite side of the hallway. There were scorch marks on it." he said fretfully.

I couldn't help but grin at that, and a small puff of air escaped my nostrils, and we were so close in the dark that I'm pretty sure Mukuro felt my reaction, and knew who 'Subject L' was.

"Hey, that's the file room, right?" the snappy voice asked, and the footsteps abruptly stopped. Multiple lights shone at the door, and Mukuro and I both tensed in anticipation.

"Ah, that's right. Doesn't oh… whats-his-face spend most of his time in there?" the arrogant voice commented carelessly. "I heard he's one of the best fighters in the Estraneo Famiglia."

This time, it was Mukuro who snorted slightly. No doubt the cadaver on the floor hadn't put up as much of a fight as the guy outside seemed to think he would.

"Well don't just stand there." the calm voice ordered. "If we're going to be stumbling around in the dark with potentially dangerous experiments on the loose, we might as well get a good fighter to accompany us."

My body shivered in anticipation and a disturbing smile spread across my face. I could have imagined it, but I think Mukuro had the same reaction.

The door opened.


	6. Chapter 6

(A/N: Behold, dear readers, for I hath updated! It is a miracle! But seriously, this is definitely (not defiantly) my favorite story to write =D I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do, despite your probable frustration at my horrible work ethic.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn in any way, shape or form. It all belongs to Akira Amano.

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Keeping Your Character - Chapter Six

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The door opened - slowly, as if to build up suspense. Four, white-clad figures filtered into the room, their flashlights illuminating the room. Thankfully, they didn't direct the beams toward where Mukuro and I were lurking in the shadows.

Heheh… lurking. It makes us sound like goblins, or stalkers waiting to kidnap someone. Of course, what we had in mind was something a little more bloody than kidnapping. And technically we were going up against a group of kidnappers…

Their movements came to an abrupt halt as the beams of their flashlights reflected back at them from a blood puddle. More specifically, a puddle of blood oozing from beneath the cooling cadaver of the supposed 'strongest fighter of the Estraneo Famiglia'.

An embarrassing 'meep' came from the skittery guy. Kinda like a mouse being trodden on - ooh, Harry Potter reference. Except the skittery guy had a lot less mass than Vernon Dursley. He looked kind of scrawny, actually.

"What the hell!" the snappish one exclaimed. He was probably trying to hide his fear with irritation, but I could tell he was scared crapless. Hopefully not literally. That would smell really bad.

Just then, eerie green light came from strips situated near the floor on the walls. The emergency lights had kicked back on. It illuminated the scientists with a sickly glow - though it could have just been their natural coloring after seeing the corpse.

"Finally." the owner of the arrogant voice from before said. I could hear the slight wavering in his voice. His newly visible face was deliberately fixed in a sneer of contempt, but his eyes flickered nervously around the room - landing most often on the corpse. "They got those damned lights running."

I felt Mukuro's entire frame tense up as the female scientist's sharp eyes examined the room. I deliberately relaxed my body, ready to lash out at a moments notice. Mukuro must not have been put through very much battle conditioning if he was holding himself all stiff like that. The scientists probably just focused on giving him his eye thingy, instead of improving his physical combat capabilities.

The female scientist's eyes came to a stop on our hiding spot. Her eyes widened to epic proportions, enough for me to see the whites around her irises; her nostrils flared like a startled horse's; her mouth opened shakily - presumably to scream.

I registered this all subconsciously, because the moment her eyes filled with the awareness of our position, I launched myself out of the shadows with all the grace of predator after its prey. And my nanny thought my animal motif should be a lamb.

The blade on the end of my Meteor Hammer flashed in the green glow of the room as I flicked it forward. It made itself home in the woman's throat with a wet 'shunk'. She gargled slightly, her face still contorted in alarm. I yanked my weapon from her neck as her corpse collapsed to the floor. A little blood sprayed from the wound before she dropped, so I'm sure I had a lovely smear on my face - thanks to my short height, of course. I resisted the urge to lick away the few drops that splattered across my lips - because while the act was intimidating to any remaining victims, you never know quite what bloodborn pathogens a victim might be carrying. See, I did learn something in Health class - though the textbook probably didn't have this exact scenario in mind.

The screaming and yelling started. It was a mixture of fear and anger - I could hear both whimpers and swearing. It was also loud and grating to my sensitive ears - it made me wonder why some sadists seem to enjoy their victims' screams. The remaining scientists fumbled with inexperience as they tried to pull their guns from the pockets of their labcoats.

In my peripheral vision, I could see rabid looking dogs oozing out of the shadows. My eyes darted toward Mukuro, zeroing in on his red eye - it had changed to '3'. He was chuckling slightly as a dog violently tore into one of the scientists, the other holding him still by a death-grip bite on his leg.

My eyes caught movement behind the illusionist - Arrogant-Voice was there, pointing a gun at the back of his spikey blue head. In a flash, I was standing only a foot or two away from the pineapple-head, elbowing the gun away with my free arm and tossing the scientist over my shoulder and into one of the cabinets. The cabinet dented, and beige files scattered everywhere as they escaped the mangled drawers.

Mukuro looked over his shoulder with alarmed eyes, and I offered him a slightly bloody smirk, before following the flight path of the man I had thrown. The white-coat barely had time to look up, and possibly register the pain from hitting the cabinet, before I was directly in front of him. With another flick of my wrist, I had slit his throat with the bladed end of my Meteor Hammer.

There was a gunshot. I ducked down reflexively, and saw a bullet burrow into the wall in front of me. I snatched my arm back to dislodge my blade from the corpse, simultaneously flipping the nearby table on its side and ducking behind it for cover. My hands sparked green as I channeled a bit of Solidifying power into it - just in case the natural wood wouldn't hold up to a speeding bullet. Hahah. Wood wouldn't.

Shaking my head to get myself back on track - hello, battle going on - I peaked over the sides and saw Mukuro shimmer out of the visible spectrum, a mutilated corpse at his feet, still being masticated by two feral dogs. Good. That meant he wouldn't be shot very easily. Well, he could still be shot just the same, the shooter just wouldn't know where to aim. Hey, I rhymed.

I returned my attentions to the shooter, and saw whom I believed to be the owner of the snappish voice. His face was simultaneously scowling and terrified, though his hands were steady. He also looked kind of sick, but again, I couldn't tell if it was because of the way Mukuro's puppies played with their food, or just because the emergency lights were green.

Either way, it didn't matter, as he'd be dead soon. After all, he was the last little piggy left, and he was stuck in a room with two big, bad wolvies that wanted to kill him. Not eat him though, hopefully (I wasn't sure of Muku-tan's culinary preferences). He didn't look like he'd taste too good, anyway.

The guy was so nervous, he would probably shoot the minute he saw a twitch of movement. So… how to kill him without moving from behind cover?

My brain, honed from thousands of simulation battles, spat out multiple answers, but before I could act on it, I heard a muffled scream. I peaked around the edge of the table and saw thick, bright blue tentacles twining around the scientist, strangling his frame like a giant weed killing a flower. Some of them were in his mouth, explaining the muted effect to the screams, while others throttled the man, constricting around his wrists to make him drop the gun.

Eventually, there was a snapping noise, and the man's head jerked to an unnatural angle, before he dropped to the floor, no longer supported by the tentacles.

I couldn't tell if I was happy or not that I didn't get to implement my idea of blasting the Solidified table into the scientist. Tentacle rape was probably more traumatic though, so its all good.

Mukuro shimmered back into view, standing in the middle of the room and breathing deeply. It was bizarrely still and silent in comparison with the harsh sounds of battle. White-clad bodies were strewn about the room, like puppets with their strings cut, allowed to lie where they fell. There were also files scattered all over the floor.

"I hope you got all the information you needed from those files, 'cause you aren't likely to find them again in this mess." I noted equably, wiping the blood from my Meteor Hammer with a dead scientist's lab coat; he wasn't going to have any use of it anymore anyway. I rose from my crouch, coiling the cable of my weapon around my arm once again.

Mukuro's head lifted from where it head hung, and he looked around the floor, as if noticing for the first time the mess we had made during our little skirmish. The rabid dogs that were still chewing nonchalantly on their prey faded into nonexistence as Mukuro sent them back from whence they came.

He hummed slightly, before nodding, another foreign smile stretching his face. "I did, in fact. There are two fellow… experiments whose abilities I believe may come in handy."

"Goody." I said, straightening from my habitual slouch and walking toward the door. "We'd better get to it then."

I paused next to the scientist he had just killed and crouched next to it, rummaging through his pockets for an ID card. I swiped it once I found it - you never know when you might need higher clearance. On second thoughts, I lifted the edge of his crisp white coat to rub the blood off of my face before it could dry and get all crusty and nasty.

When I was done, I stood and held the door open for the illusionist, bowing in mock-obsequiousness. "After you, Mr. Illusionist."

His smile twitched slightly - whether in amusement or irritation, I couldn't tell, as I'm not too well-versed in reading the emotions of pineapple-headed psychos. He did walk through the door, however.

As we walked cautiously down the halls, a sudden thought occurred to me.

"Hey, do these, uh… alliance candidates have any special equipment or weaponry?" I asked Mukuro. Chikusa had his unreal needle-spewing yoyos, and Ken had… dentures, so we'd probably have to stop along the way to raid the weapons room.

Mukuro's steps came to a halt and his head tilted thoughtfully. "I believe so. One of them has a unique choice in weapons, while the other has some equipment tied into the… procedures done on him."

That sounded like a match - yoyos are certainly unique, and the teeth are definitely tied into Ken's little animal channels.

I simply nodded. "Then we had better stop at the weapons arsenal. They'd probably be more willing to cooperate if we give them their weapons. It'll be something to make them feel more secure, plus it'll show that we give them a little trust by arming them when they could potentially turn on us."

I changed our course, backtracking to where I had previously reacquired my own little toys. I felt the calculating eyes of Mukuro once more upon my back - probably because I didn't exactly seem the type to know and practice psychology. Or maybe he was hungry. I still wasn't sure about his eating habits, after all.

My mind switched tracks as the green glow of the emergency light strips illuminated another white-clad corpse.

"Ya know," I said thoughtfully, "This is kind of like following a trail of bread crumbs, because I distinctly remember passing that corpse on the way to the file room."

That startled a small chuckle out of him. "Does that make us Hansel and Gretel?" he asked playfully.

It was good to see that he's starting to gain that playfully sadistic side instead of just displaying the rage he feels for the Estraneo. That was the Mukuro we all know and love/hate.

"Did you know." I began absently, my mouth seized hostage by another train of thought, "In the original Grimm Brothers' rendition of Hansel and Gretel, their mother was the one that had them abandoned in the forest in the first place?" I asked him. "Their little family was starving from lack of money, and the mother selfishly wanted to save more food for herself, instead of living out their last days together - like the father wanted. He caved into the nagging pretty quickly though."

I watched his face out of the corner of my eye. This probably had more relevance for him, considering his parents are probably the ones who handed him over to the scientists - for the good of the Estraneo Family, or some other inadequate reason. He didn't say a word, and his face was blank as he listened to me recount the fairytale.

"Hansel and Gretel were actually awake to hear their own mother plot it out, because their hunger kept them from sleep. Hansel tiptoed outside and gathered some stones that shone in the moonlight, so they could lay them along the path, and follow them back home once they were abandoned the next day." I continued as we kept walking, "Their mother was a bit dismayed at finding them safely on the doorstep that night, but let them in anyway."

"The mother decided to do the same thing the next day, determined to abandon her children to the wild animals in the forest. Hansel once again tried to sneak out to gather some stones, but the door was locked. The children instead had to rely on the crumb trail they made from the loaf of bread they were given for their daily meal."

I paused in my talking to scratch at my nose. It was nice to actually be able to do that, instead of having my arms restrained by that nasty white coat that made me hug myself.

"Of course, that didn't work too well. Birds ate the crumbs, which leaves little Hansel and Gretel lost in the forest at the mercy of wild animals, just like mumsy wanted." I daintily stepped over another white-clad corpse, carefully avoiding the blood puddle, and subsequently getting liquid between my bare toes. "The witch, however, was more dangerous than any wolf or bear, and she actually knew they were there. They soon stumbled across her house - made out of bread and sugar specifically to lure in lost children. She put on the façade of a kindly old lady, and invited them in for a feast."

"Probably not the kind of feast they were thinking of." Mukuro remarked, a few steps behind me.

I blinked, surprised he was even listening to my babbling. Then I shrugged, maybe he just likes fairytales. I could totally see him reading the Grimm Brothers' works - they were probably all morbid enough to appeal to someone like him.

"Actually," I answered, "She did feed them a feast. Of course, immediately afterward, she locked Hansel up, and set Gretel to doing chores, and cooking meals to fatten up her brother up to the Witch's tastes. Every day, she'd check to see if Hansel was fat enough to eat - thankfully, the Witch had awful eyesight, and so her method of checking was to have the boy stick a finger through the bars of his cage, so she could feel how fat it was. Hansel was obviously in no hurry to be eaten though, so he instead thrust out a bone, causing the Witch to think he was still as skinny as a rake."

Mukuro snorted slightly.

"I know, right?" I agreed with his opinion of the ridiculosity of the Witch's method. "So anyway, she wasn't exactly a patient Witch, and eventually got fed up with Hansel's progress in fattening up. So she decided to eat him then and there, regardless of his weight gain, or lack thereof."

I paused at an intersection in the hallway, trying to remember which way to the weapons room. I quickly remembered, and swiftly got back to my summarization of the fairytale.

"Well apparently even cannibalistic hags have standards for their food, because the Witch couldn't just eat the boy raw. Instead, she got Gretel to fire up the oven. After awhile, he impatience shone through again, and she demanded that Gretel check the oven to see if it was hot enough yet. Of course, checking the oven's temperature involved bending over directly in front of it, so the Witch wanted to take the opportunity to push the girl inside. Gretel was no slouch though, so instead doing as she was told, she feigned ignorance on the subject, and told the Witch she had no idea how to do as she had asked."

I paused slightly in thought. "I wonder if all portrayed villains have some sort of stupidity woven into their character. Although, I suppose it's necessary if the authors want their idiot heroes to win." I pondered.

Mukuro raised an eyebrow, but remained silent as we walked through the green-lit halls. The gods of irony must be rolling on the floor with laughter because of me having this conversation with Mukuro of all people. Of course, he probably doesn't, and won't, see himself as a villain, despite him being the first major antagonist of the manga this entire universe was based on. Then again, I suppose most villains never see themselves as such - just perhaps that other people do.

"Anyway, because the Witch fell for Gretel's little deception, she decided to show the girl how it was done - by demonstrating. Said girl took the chance to turn the tables and shove the Witch into the oven instead. She then proceeded to free her brother from the cell, and they raided a room in the Witch's house that was filled with treasures."

"They eventually found their way home with the help of the unusually sentient local fauna, enough treasure in hand to keep their family sustained for a long, long time." I turned my head slightly and offered my fellow escapee a grin. "Of course, this being a Grimm Brothers' fairytale, everyone gets their comeuppance - even if they don't deserve it sometimes. So by the time the two got home, their mother had died."

Mukuro smirked slightly. "Yet all of this doesn't tell me whether or not we are the metaphorical Hansel and Gretel following the breadcrumb trail of broken bodies."

My head involuntarily tilted to the side as I mused on his question.

"Only if we were in an extremely warped version of the fairytale. We are Hansel and Gretel, yes, but we have infiltrated the Witch's house, and have left a breadcrumb trail that will lead more of her kind straight to us." I paused. "Then we can lock them up or shove them in an oven."

I saw Mukuro raise an eyebrow out of the corner of my eye. Maybe he _was_ a cannibal.

"I think I'd rather eat the house made of candy, though." I said thoughtfully. "They probably wouldn't taste too good - what with all the grease from forgetting to wash themselves."

Mukuro gave off a small chuckle.

There was silence for a moment, the only noise Mukuro's footsteps, as I was walking without sound.

"Ah, here we are. The treasure room, prime for a raid." I grinned slightly as we arrived at the weapons room. Stepping inside, I deliberately ignored Mukuro's raised eyebrow at the 'Subject L' locker missing its door.

"So what're these guys'… designations?" I asked Mukuro. After all, I had no feasible way of knowing who he was looking for.

"C493 and K9." Mukuro said absently, already scanning the lockers on the opposite side of the room for the correct identification numbers.

I had to refrain from either laughing or groaning at Ken's designation number, I mean really - K9? Canine? These Estraneo people were worse than I thought if they're thinking up horrible puns like that. And wasn't 493 Chikusa's 'character number' or something? Weird.

The sound of wrenching metal drew my attention, and I saw Mukuro pulling the door off a locker with his blue tentacle illusions.

Shaking my head, I started scanning the lockers on the side of the room I was on. Soon, I found one labeled 'K9', formed a Lightning Flame blade, and sliced it open like a can of sardines. Inside was a suitcase, presumably filled with Ken's animal teeth cartridges.

I was just about to open it up to make sure, when something odd caught my eyes.

Immediately, my head swiveled, and I stared at the odd shadow on the floor in the corner. I hadn't noticed it on my previous trip to the weapons room, what with the lights having been blown. Now, with the emergency lights, I could clearly see that there shouldn't be a shadow there.

I walked over to the odd shadow, and crouched down beside it, setting Ken's teeth-case on the floor. I reached out to run my hand over the floor, and my eyes lit up as I felt an odd, out of place groove on the floor.

Summoning a small bit of Lightning Flames, I once again solidified them into a makeshift dagger, digging it down into the groove. A bit of wiggling, side to side, up and down, and lo and behold - a magical floor section swung upward, revealing a small computer screen, complete with some plugs and scanners.

"Hey Mukuro." I called over my shoulder as I peered down at the newly-appeared screen in the floor. "I found something interesting."

"Oh? What's this?" I heard his voice as he came to a halt beside me.

"It's a magical, secret floor section hiding a computer." I stated seriously. "And magical, secret floor sections always hide something that's worth being hidden."

Examining the panel in front of me, I smiled once I figured it out. Snatching the stolen ID card from my pocket, I thrust it at Mukuro. "Hold this for a moment." I told him.

He raised an eyebrow, but did so anyway. Once assured of his cooperation, I ripped a small strip from my scrubs, and started to feed it into the keyhole on the panel, Mukuro watching in interest all the while. A spark of green Lightning flashed as the thin fabric hardened until it was the exact shape of the inside of the lock.

I held out my hand for the ID card, and once I had it, I pressed a small button to activate a small scanner. I swiped the card, simultaneously turning my makeshift key, before leaning back and waiting for something interesting to happen.

A small click echoed, before a wide floor section on the other side of the room flipped upward. I bounded over to it, peering down into the darkness below.

"Ooo. A magical, secret trapdoor." I said, curiosity coursing through my body. "There's even stairs."

Mukuro, who had followed me over, was examining the trapdoor with the same curiosity I was experiencing.

"Well, if they went to that much trouble to hide it, there must be something cool down there. And who wants them to have anything cool?" I asked rhetorically.

And with that, I promptly began to climb down the trapdoor's stairway. Eventually, I ran out of steps. There were no emergency lights down under the magical, secret trapdoor, so I lit up a palm-full of green electricity.

As soon as my mind processed what I was seeing, I'm pretty sure my eyes narrowed into mere slits.

Sitting innocently before me on a pedestal, was a familiar small, purple bazooka. Lifting my hand even higher, I could see another pedestal a few feet away. I walked over to it, and saw a case full of bullets, and a trident.

'Is this where they keep all the extremely important weapons or something?' I thought to myself.

"Hey Mukuro, you might want to some down and see this." I said, plucking the TYBazooka from it place and slinging it over my shoulder by the strap attached to it. (the shoulder without my M4 on it, of course) I would certainly not be leaving it there - who knows what would happen to the Estraneo Labs after the scientists are all massacred. For all I know, some unsavory person might come along, pick up the Bazooka, and through a series of events somehow lead to the end of the world - this is a fictional universe, after all, so anything could happen.

I heard Mukuro' footsteps come up behind me. "What's so interesting down here… Lambo-san?" he asked with slight interest, hesitating before addressing me.

I pointed wordlessly toward the trident and the Possession Bullets that had signaled the downfall of the Estraneo Famiglia's reputation with the rest of the Mafia world. I don't really get why a bunch of criminals would get all 'shun them' just because of the Possession Bullets - especially since they're the _mafia_, but whatever.

Mukuro immediately walked over to the pedestal, gazing at the bullets with wonder and anger at the same time. I obligingly held my little handful of electricity a bit closer so that he could see it better.

He said nothing, but scooped up the bullets and set them inside an ammo case he had apparently been carrying in his pocket. Then he turned his mismatched eyes toward the trident, obviously wondering why it was on the same stand as the bullets.

I hefted it up with my free hand, testing the weight on it. It was a surprisingly well-balanced weapon.

"You should take it." I told him. "It might have something to do with the bullets. Even if it doesn't, it's still a good weapon." I held it out to him. "Besides, you never know when you might need something sharp and pointy in a fight."

Mukuro stared at me pensively, before grasping the trident. He blinked in surprise and twirled the weapon slightly, as if stunned by its light weight, or maybe its suitability to him.

I carefully kept any trace of fan girl-syndrome from my face as I realized that I had just helped a major character acquire his signature weapon.

Soon afterward, we were both once again in the actual weapons room. I picked up Ken's teeth-case once again, while Mukuro carried a case that presumably contained Chikusa's needle yoyos.

"You're going to have to lead the way Illusion-man, because I have no idea where I'm going." I told him bluntly.

I received a sly smile in response, before we returned to warily skulking through the potentially scientist-infested hallways.

"By the way, you can call me 'Lambo-chan'." I said cheerily. "After all we experiments have been through, we should automatically have some sort of sympathetic bond forged through common experience, right?"

Mukuro turned to peer at me over his shoulder. He seemed to be trying to x-ray me wit his heterochromatic eyes. Another rusty smile crossed his face, with an odd edge to it.

"Of course, Lambo-chan."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long, you guys. It's just… I had a string of things that needed to be done, and when you add that to my super-procrastination, it's a miracle this chapter is out even now. (Seriously though, I got hit simultaneously by a really bad virus - both a computer one, and the snootful of snot kind - and the holidays. And then I had a bunch of studying to do.) Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Please read the note at the bottom - it's important if you want to have a say in how this story is written!

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Keeping Your Character - Chapter Seven

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Merrily skipping - out of place though the action was considering the circumstances - behind Mukuro, I couldn't help but start humming Ken and Chikusa's theme from the soundtrack. Too bad I couldn't make the sounds of the actual instruments, because the song was just somewhat lacking without the Bowser-esque tinge to it.

Mukuro walked with a surety most ten-year-olds could only dream of, despite the fact that he occasionally had to maneuver around the scientists' corpses that were littering the hallways. Said hallways seemed to be changing in structure as we moved along - getting grungier, with the occasional sputtering emergency light. Maybe it was because at this point, neither Ken nor Chikusa are users of Dying Will Flames, and they only got 1-star treatment, as opposed to our, eh… 1½-star treatment.

After I finished my third repetition of the soundtrack, I couldn't help but ask, "Hey Mukuro, which one are we going after first?"

Mukuro didn't bother to break his pace to turn and face me as he answered. "We shall be heading toward… 'C493's' cell first. The reports say that he is of a somewhat calmer disposition than 'K9', so it should be easier to persuade him." I could hear the distaste dripping from his tone when he referred to the two by their 'Test Subject Numbers'. "- and once we have another person with us, 'K9' will be less likely to try and tear off our faces when we come to… recruit."

After that, it was only a matter of seconds before we were in front of a metallic grey door, labeled with Chikusa's number. I tilted my head toward Mukuro.

"So should I just slice the door, or do you have a key?" I asked him, the hand that wasn't holding Ken's teeth-case already lifting toward the door.

"Slice away."

So with a quick application of my lovely green electricity, the area around the lock as completely cut away, and Mukuro and I were peering into a dank room, lit only by the flickering light of my palm-ful of energy. I could see a figure huddled by the standard Estraneo 'bed of ungodly-discomfort'. He was huddled up, with his face pressed into his knees in front of him. His head snapped upward as the light crept in through the cracks of his arms.

I stood there awkwardly for a moment. There was a thick bandage wrapped around Chikusa's head, his eyes were unfocused behind his glasses, and there were trails of tears streaming from both of his eyes, cutting tracks through the thin layer of grime on his skin. I could see why he might become obsessed with showers, if this is the average amount of filth he was kept in.

"Who's there?" he asked cautiously, huddling up even closer toward the bed at his back. I could tell that he couldn't see us very well as he was unadjusted to the sudden light, but apparently he could tell we weren't the usual sort of greasy scientist that visited his dirty little cell.

"Fellow experiments of the Estraneo Family." Mukuro cut in simply. "We've come to get you out. Your name is Chikusa Kakimoto, correct?"

Disbelief and suspicion warred with the beginnings of a painful sort of hope on Chikusa's face. I wondered how he ever managed to acquire that apathetic mask that he wore later in life, what with the blatant emotions he was displaying. I mean, I had actually heard a fan-theory that the Estraneo had given Chikusa a lobotomy - that was how unemotional he was.

"I'm Mukuro, and this is Lambo." Mukuro continued, moving forward slightly. "Will you come with us?"

"Where would we be going?" Chikusa asked plainly.

"To pick up another fellow experiment, and then away from this… _place_." Mukuro stated.

I could see Chikusa mulling over the thought. I decided to try and sway his decision a bit more.

"Well c'mon then, Chikusa. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner we can all get some good food and takes a shower or three." I said sensibly. I was more in the mood for… aggressive negotiations (if you Star Wars fans get my drift) than standing here doing nothing. In fact, my right leg was starting to jitter slightly from just standing there when there were greasy, sadistic bastard-scientists just waiting to be slaughtered outside the dingy little cell.

Fortunately, for the sake of stopping my anticipatory twitching, it seems that mentioning showers did the trick.

"I'll come with you." he determined.

Mukuro stepped forward to lend a hand, and I followed suit. Chikusa's hands hesitated for a moment, wavering in mid-air, but then he grasped our hands in a surprisingly strong grip.

A minute later, the three of us were walking quickly but quietly down the green-lit hallways, heading toward our next stop. Chikusa seemed to be a bit more sure of himself once he was reunited with his weapons of choice, thankfully - it was somewhat unnerving to see him without that apathetic calm. He walked a step or two behind us as we traveled in silence.

It was a surprisingly quick journey to Ken's cell, uninterrupted by any scuffles with scientists. Sadly, he was not actually in his cell when we got there.

"Well, crap." I deadpanned. Trust an untrained dog to never stay where it's supposed to be.

Just as I was about to ask if either of the boys knew where Ken might be, we all heard loud scuffling noises, along with repeated gunshots. That was all the warning we got before a blond on all fours came careening around the corner, only to come screeching to a halt when he saw Chikusa standing in the dim emergency lights - accompanied by two unfamiliar strangers who presumably looked a bit psycho, what with the blood spatter and all.

"Kakipi?" he asked confusedly, before seemingly coming to his senses as we heard whoever was shooting running in our direction. The blond swiftly span around, and crouched into an animalistic stance, protectively in front of Chikusa.

Quickly analyzing the situation, I acted as quickly as I could. I stepped forward and grabbed Ken's shoulder, dragging him backward toward the wall, motioning the other two to do the same with the hand holding Ken's teeth-case. The dog-boy struggled for a moment until Chikusa shook his head slightly at his friend, and he stilled, though his frame was tense.

"Hey Mukuro." I whispered. He tilted his head in my direction, keeping his eyes on the corner from which we were expecting company. "Can you make us invisible for a moment like you did in that last fight?"

He nodded, and while I could still see the others, they were somewhat transparent-looking. Presumably because Mukuro was smart enough to make sure none of us hit each other on accident.

"You K9?" I directed my query toward the blond I was holding still. After all, it should be impossible for me to recognize him - the Estraneo had kept me in a completely different 'testing group' from these guys. That is, unless I had the knowledge from another lifetime crammed into my noggin' - but that was unheard of. Unless you're Mukuro, no that I think of it…

"It's Ken!" he hissed harshly, amber eyes flashing in disgust and anger.

"Fine, then. Ken." I said promptly. "You're the one with the teeth, then?" I dangled the case in front of his face."

His face lit up with an unholy glee as he snatched it and opened the case. "I was going to look for these after getting Kakipi." he stopped looking over his teeth for a moment to look suspiciously at Mukuro and I. "Who are you two, anyway?"

"Perhaps this conversation can wait until our company is disposed of?" Mukuro asked prudently, gesturing toward where the first security guard was just turning the corner.

Ken crammed a set of particularly pointy dentures into his mouth, Mukuro subtly tilted his new trident, and Chikusa held his hands in a ready position. I, on the other hand, upon seeing how many guards there were, slung the case with my M4 Carbine from my back, and got the gun out. I then proceeded to unload a box magazine, and hook it up, all in record time. In fact, I was probably one of most efficient people in the world in gun-loading. I could see the others gaping slightly as I easily handled a gun almost as big as I was.

"No use in wasting more energy than needed." I stated rhetorically. "You might want to plug your ears." I murmured softly to my fellow escapees, a grin stretching across my face. This was going to be oh-so messy. And fun.

I took a second to watch the hapless guards search futilely for Ken, before pulling the trigger. A spray of bullets escaped the barrel, and gore spattered the hallways. There were screams as from the ones who didn't die instantaneously, shocked and terrified as the piercing rounds of metal seemed to come out of thin air.

As soon as they all hit the floor, I immediately stopped firing, and quickly packed away my gun. No sense in wasting bullets is there? Especially not when there are probably more people to go through before we were out of here. I surveyed the scene, noting its similarities to something from a horror movie, or an M-rated video game. Or Hellsing.

"I'll go check to see if anyone's still alive." I said in a offhand voice, ignoring their disbelieving looks. I couldn't tell what they were in disbelief about, though; it could be the massive amounts of squishy human body parts now littering the end of the hall, or it could be they thought I was nut for thinking that one of the guards could have survived the assault.

I tried to avoid stepping on the guard-bits with my bare feet. Having guts between your toes is kinda nasty - almost as bad as having sand between your toes. Of course, all that careful side-stepping went to waste when one of the guards twitched, and my knee-jerk reaction was to break his neck by stomping on it. It somehow ended up spurting.

"All dead~!" I turned back toward the boys. "Do you guys know which route we should take to get out of here?"

Ken and Chikusa numbly shook their heads. They looked torn between grim satisfaction, slight queasiness, or disappointment that they didn't get to kill some of them.

Mukuro smirked slightly. "I believe the best route is the way the guards just came from, actually." he announced.

It was fun watching the three boys gingerly picking their way through the gore. Especially Mukuro, because he didn't look too bothered, just slightly disgusted - like he was trying not to step on a pile of dung instead of gore. Though I suppose it could be argued that waste is all the guards actually were…

I distinctly heard Ken muttering to Chikusa in the back. "These guys are kinda scary, byon." And there's the cute little verbal tic. I saw Mukuro smile.

After that, it was a simple matter of using the same invisibility routine on every person in the building, systematically slaughtering the last remnants of the Estraneo Family. All the other experiments had either died during the experimenting, or had been killed when they attempted to escape during the blackout, so the only living beings we encountered were scientists or guards - who all lost that qualification soon after we stumbled across them.

Ken was useful in sniffing out the live ones, which he was all too happy to do - especially after he found a bag of unopened potato chips in one of the offices.

When we were sure that every last thing in the building was dead, besides us of course, we silently left the building behind. Hopefully forever.

It turned out that the laboratories were actually underground - which would actually explain why I had never ever seen a window during the past five years. The entrance was inside a small abandoned building in the outskirts of a medium-sized Italian town.

As we opened the final door, and the first rays of the rising sun spilled through the doorway like wisps of pure gold, I could have sworn that all the boys shed a tear. Of course, immediately after that notion entered my mind, the tears had gone. Silly male pride.

"Now what?" Chikusa asked quietly, ever the rational one, even as his eyes hungrily roamed the outside world.

As I inhaled fresh air for the first time in five years, and smelled the natural summer aromas of Italy, I felt a grin spread across my face - not so much creepy, as it was pure joy.

"I'm going to get a dozen crepes, and a big cup of Earl Grey." After all, it seemed kind of symbolic for my first meal after escaping to be crepes, as it had been the last thing I had eaten before being captured. That, and crepes were just plain tasty.

Then I awkwardly ran my hand across the top of my mostly-bald scalp, particularly the small, raised scar I could feel on the back of my skull. "Well, maybe after I get a hat or something." I amended. Maybe I could get one with kitty ears.

Then I examined us all a bit more closely in the much more substantial lighting that the sun provided. "Actually, I think we all need some new clothes. The blood spatters might be a bit off-putting to some people."

Yay. Post-massacre clothes-shopping for the escaped experiments.

* * *

After our escape, I traveled with the three boys for a few months. Ken and Chikusa were obviously suspicious of Mukuro and I for the first week or so, but they eventually decided to just follow Mukuro's lead after he talked to them for a while. The four of us spent the summer experiencing everything we had been missing during the years with the Estraneo scientists, though we had to take care to appear a bit more normal when going into public. We had fun scamming people on the streets with our skills, and Mukuro and I traded tips on illusions and physical fighting, respectively.

It was kind of fun learning how to create illusions. Though I would never really have the power that Mukuro or Mammon, or even Chrome wielded, I had just enough in me to make several small, but useful illusions. In my case, it was more about ingenuity than it was power. Thankfully, I had another option for when I wanted sheer power - and I had plenty of ingenuity.

Of course, it was even more fun to continually correct Mukuro when he got a stance wrong. Especially when he got that 'I'm-super-irritated-but-too-cool-to-show-it' smirk on his face. We ended up subtly sniping a lot at each other during that month - calling each other 'sensei' in the most belligerent tones possible, and other such things.

Eventually however, I had to leave our little group. I might've stayed with them longer, because they were actually as entertaining as heck, but they were planning on heading to France next - presumably where they would join Lancia's family and start stirring up all kinds of trouble. Trouble that would attract the unfortunate attention of the Vindice guards. I really didn't want to end up in Vendicare Prison - being held captive for five years was long enough for me - not to mention I didn't really have the urge to destroy anything mafia-related like Mukuro did. I a bit different from them in mentality - either because I was a girl, or because I'm actually around fifteen years older than them.

So, I set off on my own.

I did give them some going away presents though, consisting of: a white beanie hat and assorted bath soaps for Chikusa, a set of bobby pins and a huge case of peppermint chewing gum for Ken, and a gakuran for Mukuro. Surprisingly, they gave me something back - a dark green scarf with lightning bolts on it.

Because I was now on my own, I traveled back to the Bovino HQ - I hadn't really wanted the other three to know which family I had come from, considering I had decided to sever all ties with the Family that hadn't even bothered to look for me. Yeah, that's right. They never even sent one person out looking for me - I knew, I hacked into their records. I may have done a bit more that benign information-scouting, as well. Like destroying all data they had on the Ten-Year Bazooka. Thankfully they had actually shoved the project into a dusty corner after never finding the Bazooka, so it wasn't likely anyone would miss the erased data.

Of course, I also erased any records they had of 'Lambo Bovino'. If I ever made it big, I didn't want them feeding on my reputation like leeches, nor did I want being associated with them to bring me down.

I decided to retake all my possessions from my room in the Headquarters, and never look back; thankfully, my traps had held up against any looting attempts by my 'family members'. So I now had a stash of money I could actually use, considering before I had been using Mukuro's illusion-cash. And a suitcase of essentials, including clothing I could use if I ever wanted to switch to a younger form. And maybe a bit more money taken from stashes in the rooms of my various cousins. And perhaps a few jewelry boxes of expensive gem-encrusted precious metals that would sell quite nicely in this one pawn-shop I knew…

Anyway, after that, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do with the five years I had until the actual storyline began. I could do almost anything. I could start a new Famiglia, though I'm not really interested in having that much responsibility. I could join an already existing Family, but that might complicate things later on. Heck, I could even leave the mafia and find a career in something else.

Eventually, I decided I needed to think on things a bit more, and that relaxing would probably help my thought processes along. Plus, a vacation would be nice after five years in an underground cell, followed by three months of constantly moving across Europe.

So I booked a trip to Mafia Land.

After all, my future would most likely be heavily entwined with the mafia, and I'd like a bit more experience with other Families, considering my only major examples have been a group of depraved mad scientists that experimented on their own, and a group of weapons-specialists who were insignificant, cowardly, disloyal jerks. And Mafia-Land only welcomed Families that didn't deal in drugs, or other such corrupt practices, so it was probably as good as I was going to get if I wanted to see something completely different from the Estraneo or Bovino Families.

Upon arriving at the mobile island, I quickly blended into the surrounding mobsters, changing into an older form, and putting up a few very simple illusions to change a few of my features. (After all, If I _did _become the Lightning Guardian of the Vongola Family later on, I wouldn't want them to recognize me as this person) I leisurely explored the island, taking in all the features that hadn't really been featured in the anime.

There were a few different cafes, that offered cuisine from around the world (something slightly more easy to do than it would seem, because the island actually _moved_ around the world); there were shops of all shapes and sizes, selling everything from haircuts to souvenirs; there were several pristine beaches, with white-yellow sand and bright blue-green waters; the hotels were all super high quality - the one I ended up staying at had absolutely _everything_; but what held my focus the most were the various dealings that the Families could get down to when on neutral ground.

Most importantly, there was a small, cozy bar with a friendly atmosphere, good food, and presumably good drinks, from what I could see of the other peoples' reactions. Representatives from various Families commonly used it as a meeting place for negotiations. Upon entering, I found what I wanted to do with the next five years of my life, literally posted on the wall.

It was a gigantic cork-board, and every single inch of it was plastered with wanted posters, offering a reward if the pictured person was brought in dead or alive. All the posters listed the misdeeds of the wanted person, and from what I read, I could see that a lot of them committed crimes of the worst sort - they would have to if even their own Families' wanted them brought down. Of course, I could see several that were wanted specifically 'alive' - presumably for interrogation or something - and several, from what I could tell, were just posted there for having a big reputation, or just pissing off the wrong person. I could even see a poster with Reborn's name on it (though you could tell that it was just there for the sake of it being there - no one was nuts enough to try the job; or if they were, they had enough intelligence not to, despite their levels of 'crazy').

The system was this: you take down your selected poster, hand it in to the bartender, who will give you a time limit (depending on the skill level of the 'wanted person'). If you don't return with a captive or proof of death within the time limit, you will be presumed dead, and their poster will go back up on the board. If you succeed, you get the bounty money in your currency of choice (be it a particular country's coin, or good old gold) as well as a new feather in your cap - and occasionally a free drink if the right kind of patron is there when you bring in your catch.

I would become a bounty hunter, then. One of the best if I have anything to say about it. Which I obviously do - because it's me. Those years spent being made into a human weapon by the Estraneo would actually be pretty handy. (Though I could have done without the gruesome 'tests' that could have passed for torture in the Spanish Inquisition.)

And that is the end of my introductory years in the mafia world.

* * *

A/N: Whew. That took a while to crank out of my brain. But anyway, next chapter, I'm going to start getting into the main storyline, if all goes as planned. However, I would like your opinions on something, so please go to the poll on my profile and vote. It's actually pretty important for how the story will progress.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey y'all! Aren't you proud of me? I got this chapter out so quickly after the last one! Yay~! I hope you enjoy, because I've introduced a lot more canon characters in this chapter, and finally gotten to the KHR storyline.

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Eight

* * *

In the faint morning light trickling through the curtains, a black-clothed assassin crept across the expensive carpeting of the hotel room. He stealthily inched toward the occupied bed, shakily unsheathing a thin, sharp knife from his hip-holster.

When he was only a couple feet away from the bed, he stopped suddenly, his eyes fixed on his target with disbelief. On the bed was a young teenager with features that could only be described as 'angelic' - especially with the morning sunlight illuminating her face. A halo of sable curls surrounded her face, brushing against delicate cheekbones and thick, dark eyelashes. Her small hands were curled slightly to rest just beneath her chin, and her expression was utterly serene.

'This can't be the famous bounty hunter 'Black Sheep' that's supposed to be coming after me…? It must be an accomplice - an informant, perhaps. Either way, she needs to die as well.' he thought as a drop of sweat trailed down his face. He shook himself, inhaled deeply, and shut his eyes as the knife plunged downward toward his target's throat.

"You're doing it all wrong, you know." a low, calm voice commented casually from somewhere behind him.

He whirled around, nearly tripping on the thick Persian carpet when it caught on his shoes. Standing there was a tall, menacing figure, clad in her usual regalia: the famous Black Sheep - named for the black, hooded long-coat made from sheepskin, and the demonic-looking set of curly ram horns protruding from the front sides of her hood. (as well as the fact that she was a freelance hitman, and had no real connections to any mafia family, as of yet) She had a black scarf wrapped around the lower half of her face, and the upper half was swathed in the shadows of her hood - the only thing the assassin could make out clearly was a pair of acidic green eyes drilling a hole into his body.

The Black Sheep had abruptly came out of nowhere around five years ago, rising through the ranks of bounty hunters by taking one job after the other, and quickly acquiring a reputation for brutal efficiency on the job. No one knew a thing about her, except for the fact that she was, in fact, a _her_. People well-versed in reading body-types were of the opinion that she was a well-trained woman in her mid-twenties. However, no one had ever figured out her real identity - as far as he knew, at least. And now she was after him.

"First, you didn't unsheathe your weapon before coming into the room," she continued talking, "resulting in you making noise when you had to get it out."

The assassin glanced toward the bed, only to see a featureless dummy in place of the girl. He gaped for a moment before he caught his wits, and attempted to charge the infamous bounty hunter, only to fall over as the carpet beneath him was pulled upward toward the ceiling by wire attached to the four corners. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the Black Sheep holding a taut wire in her free hand.

"Then you hesitated when you saw something unexpected to you, instead of having anticipated it from the start. You could have at least continued without pause instead of just standing there like a moron for a full five seconds." she said, placidly watching as the man tried to wriggle out of his makeshift net. Electricity sparked in her hand, rapidly traveling down the wire until it fried the carpet cocoon, along with the man inside it, revealing a lattice of highly-conductive wire hidden beneath the soft threads of the carpet as they flaked away from the heat.

As the man started to blackout, he could barely hear the bounty hunter continuing her criticism. "And then you even closed your eyes whilst making the supposed 'killing blow'… what are they teaching assassins these days?"

Once sure that her target had lost consciousness, the Black Sheep relaxed slightly, and a thin film of pink smoke covered her body. When the last wisps disappeared, in her place was a much shorter figure - one identical to the girl that had appeared on the bed, only clad in a bathrobe, with hair still slightly damp from a shower.

Lambo sighed as she lowered the net, gazing upon her latest prey. 'This is getting almost boring, what with how predictable these guys are. I mean, did he really think he was the first to try and strike preemptively at me?' she thought scornfully. 'Though I suppose I shouldn't have expected much of a challenge from this one, seeing as he's only wanted for being a cowardly informant.'

She frowned slightly at the unconscious man. 'Oh well. It's some easy money, at least - and it kills a little time. I kind of wish he wasn't wanted specifically alive though. It's always a pain to have to carry and conceal an unconscious body, instead of just taking the head or a picture as proof of death. Plus, I wouldn't have had to bother changing into my 'Black Sheep' form so unexpectedly, if he was just going to die anyway. But the client needs to now exactly what information this guy spilled, so lugging around dead-weight (unfortunately not literally) it is.'

Lambo methodically got to work, pulling some steel cables from their roll hidden in a carry-on bag. She efficiently hog-tied her target, after dislocating his fingers and shoulders, and tossed him onto the bed next to her 'body double' dummy.

The dummy was white and featureless, made of inflatable plastic, for convenience of storage. With a small application of her talent with illusions, she could make it look like any living, breathing person of her choice - in this case, her naturally aged, fifteen-year-old self. Of course, if she had just a little more power in her Mist Flames, she wouldn't even need the dummy to make a convincing 'person', but she made do with what she had.

As she went back to the bathroom to redress herself, she was stopped by the sound of the 'Lucky Star' theme song chiming from somewhere around her ankles. She scrambled to find her cell phone - knowing that only a few people knew the number, and most would only call her if it was extremely important. She followed the noise, and found it in the pockets of the pants she had worn the previous day.

The nonsensical Japanese lyrics of 'Motteke! Sailor Fuku' nearly finished before the bounty hunter managed to collect the device. She noted the time (nearly 10 in the morning - much too early for an assassination attempt in her opinion) and then looked at the caller ID. She smirked slightly before answering.

"Hello, External Advisor Guy." she greeted in Italian. "It's nice to hear from you again. What do you want?"

"Ah, blunt as always Lambo." On the other side of the phone was a muscular blond man, currently sweat-dropping at his friend's straight-to-the-point attitude. He was currently sitting at an expensive looking desk, and wearing an expensive looking suit. "And haven't I told you to call me Iemitsu?"

"I don't want to." Lambo said offhandedly as she continued moving toward the bathroom.

"…Right." he sighed slightly. "Well, let's get down to the matter, shall we?"

"That would be nice." she said, holding the phone between her head and shoulder as she pulled on her undergarments, followed by a pair of black jeans.

"As I'm sure you've heard, considering how much people seem to talk around you, the Ninth has chosen a successor." Iemitsu began in a serious tone.

"Yeah, and he sent Reborn to tutor the poor schlob, ne?" Lambo said nonchalantly as she pulled a grey-and-black striped, long-sleeved shirt over her head, one arm at a time, so as not to drop her phone.

Iemitsu's head bowed over his desk, a dark shadow covering his eyes as he slumped in gloominess. "…that 'schlob', as you put it, happens to be my son." he stated somewhat glumly.

Lambo whistled in amazement, as if she hadn't already known that. "Sucks for him, don't it. I'll bet he's gonna get targeted by every killer from New York to Tokyo. And I mean in both directions. And if they aren't after him, then they'll be after Reborn, and your kid 'll get caught in the crossfire."

Iemitsu wilted even more with each word she said - they impacted against his psyche like a volley of bullets. He nearly bawled at the sheer thought of his beloved son - and by association, his wife - being constantly in such danger. "I know!" he moaned. Then he suddenly brightened a bit. "And that's what I called you about."

Lambo stayed silent for a moment, halting all her movements. "…oh no. You'd better not be thinking what I think you are, Iemitsu." she said warningly.

Iemitsu twitched slightly, both at her tone, and the form of address. She only called him by name when she was pissed, or utterly serious. From the sound of things, she was the former.

"I'm pretty sure I am thinking what you think I am." he said honestly.

"You want me to drop all my work - my _very lucrative _work - and start _babysitting _your kid, just when he's become a complete danger magnet?" she hissed harshly into the speaker, her normally mellow voice rising an octave or two. While she had been planning on being in Namimori for the events of the story, she didn't exactly want to have the responsibility of watching over the bumbling, more often dangerous than not antics of Tsuna.

Iemitsu winced. "Well… when you put it that way…" he trailed off.

"Besides, as I said before, despite him being needed for the training, half the problem is probably going to be Reborn's presence there." she went on, her voice having calmed slightly. "How is having another high-profile person around your son going to help in keeping him safe, even if I would be protecting him? I'd just be another bull's-eye painted on his forehead, and the dangers would only continue to escalate."

"But that's why you're the perfect person for the job!" Iemitsu exclaimed, his free hand gesturing wildly, despite her inability to see it. "Only a few select people know that you, Lambo, are actually the famous bounty hunter, 'Black Sheep'! Most people don't know a thing about you - they just think you're some nobody, with absolutely no skill or influence in the mafia world. And besides that, you'd only have to protect him until he learns to take care of himself!"

A small frown crossed Lambo's face as she thought. While she had decided on using an 'alternate identity' for her bounty hunting career - simply for anonymity's sake - she hadn't exactly had this scenario in mind. Still, she couldn't exactly refuse, as that would strain her relationship with Iemitsu - who despite his goofball antics, was a pretty influential person in the mafia, thanks to him leading the 'Second Vongola', as the CEDEF was sometimes called. Plus, she had no actual reason to deny his request, seeing as she was going to be headed there soon anyway, and she only had an aversion to the job because she didn't want the extra responsibility.

Still, trust one of the few honorable people in the mafia to manage to mess up her life just as much as any slime-ball could.

"…What, exactly, would I be getting in return for this… service?" she asked pensively as she shrugged on her dark green fleece jacket. After all, if she was going to essentially be the bodyguard of the protagonist in a _shounen manga_, she'd better be getting something good out of it.

Iemitsu let out a sigh of relief as he heard his somewhat unpredictable friend begin to actually contemplate accepting his request.

"Well, besides the fact that you'd be paid very handsomely, and get bonuses - plus the bounties - for any assassins you stop…" he told her, "You'd also get a chance to see Reborn again!" he finished cheerily.

Lambo irked slightly at the last bit. Not only did this moron know her alternate identity (and was now taking advantage of it), he also thought that she 'liked' Reborn like that. And while she wouldn't exactly mind (if he was in his adult form, that is) it was kind of creepy that the External Advisor even thought like that, considering he knew Reborn as a _baby_ - not to mention Reborn would never think of her that way. Besides, she was only acquaintances, at best, with Reborn, having only encountered him a couple of times.

"Iemitsu…" she trailed off threateningly, her fist nearly cracking the plastic of her cellphone.

"All right, all right!" he cringed. "Besides the money, you'd also receive a… a…" he mouthed silently for a moment before sighing in defeat. "a favor from me." he mumbled.

Lambo stared in surprise at her cellphone, wondering if she'd heard him right. In the mafia world, handing out favors like that was very rare, and very advantageous to the person owed. And considering the person who had offered to owe her… well, the sky's the limit. (No pun intended about Flame Attributes.) This was much more than she had expected to get out of him, though she supposed he really did care for his family - despite being away from them the majority of the years.

"…Well, I suppose it's been a while since I've been back in Namimori." Lambo said casually as she began to pack away her things from their various positions in the hotel room.

"So, you'll do it?" Iemitsu sat up straight in his office chair, an expression of eagerness on his face.

"Why not?" she chuckled ominously, a menacing, dark purple aura filling the air around her. "After all, if I do this simple thing, you'll owe me whatever I want… fufufu." 'And besides that, this is very convenient for me, because now I have an actual reason for hanging around Namimori when Tsuna's being trained as Tenth. One that won't get me shot by Reborn as a potential threat.'

Iemitsu turned to stone in his chair, wondering if it had been the right choice to offer this deal to Lambo. After all, Reborn alone was plenty capable of fending off would-be murderers of his son, right?

"I'll see you sometime, External Advisor Guy." Lambo stated calmly, a smirk still spread across her face, "Expect me to call you soon about hammering out the details before I start the job." she finished, before hanging up. She looked around the room and sighed slightly.

"Well, I guess I'm headed back to Japan now." she noticed the unconscious assassin still slumped on her bed. "After I finish this last job." she amended.

'And I suppose this works out just as well - I was planning on going back soon anyway. After all, I don't want to miss out on any of the action. Besides, I'd been getting bored with bounty hunting lately, and the monotony has become not worth the money I get - considering how much I already have from all the jobs I've done in the past five years.' Lambo thought positively, trying to think of all the pros to her situation.

'And this way, I'll be able to prevent potential property damage to my house in Namimori.' she considered, slightly chagrined at the thought.

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One Week Later

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Sawada Nana happily hummed, twirling around her kitchen as she started to create yet another masterpiece of a dinner. Whole she had always enjoyed cooking, it was nice to not only cook for her son and herself - especially since Tsuna sometimes decided to walk somewhere to eat instead.

'Of course, being able to cook a bit more is only one of the nice things that came along with having Reborn home tutor Tsuna.' she thought to herself as she set up the rice cooker. 'Tsuna seems to be coming out of his shell a bit more - from I've gathered, he's made two new friends at school. Two nice boys named Gokudera, and Yamamoto, I think?' she mused, tilting her head slightly as she absentmindedly stared at the ceiling. She shrugged, and continued to gather her cooking elements.

'And even more surprising, Tsuna had a cute girl in his room just the other day!' the mother nearly squealed in happiness. Though she did doze off and have an extremely odd dream in the middle of the visit (oddly enough, about her son's guest - clad only in her undergarments, with a flame on her forehead that didn't burn her) from what she had seen, Sasagawa Kyoko was a very nice girl, and her son had a crush on her. It was too bad that she had been asleep when the girl left.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Nana halted in her movements, blinking in bewilderment. She hadn't been expecting anyone… Maybe it was a friend of Reborn's? Or one of those boys Tsuna made friends with? A little bit thankful she hadn't started making anything that would need her constant attention yet, the Sawada family matriarch went to answer the door.

* * *

On the doorstep of the Sawada residence stood Lambo, listening to the jazzy music emanating from the bulky, neon green headphones hanging from her neck. She wore casual clothing - namely, a pair of cut-off jeans, a dark green button-up short sleeve over a white tee-shirt, and a pair of black sandals.

She sighed slightly, scratching lightly at the side of her head as she waited for the door to be answered. 'I still can't believe I got stuck with body-guarding Tsuna instead of just staying on the sidelines like I wanted.' she pouted slightly. 'Still, he was just fine in the manga even with all the abuse he went through, so I shouldn't have to do _that_ much. And at least I'll have time to warm-up in the Daily Life Arc, before all the seriously dangerous stuff starts happening.' a smirk spread across her lips. 'Still, at least the deal was only to keep him _alive_. That means I don't have to bother interfering when he's only getting beat up.'

She shook herself out of her thoughts as she heard quick footsteps approaching on the other side of the door. The door opened, and there stood Tsuna's mom.

Lambo's lips tilted upward slightly at the sight of her, "Sorry for not calling ahead before visiting." she said in a quiet voice, and Nana suddenly beamed as she recognized her visitor.

"Lambo-chan! Is that you? You've grown so much!" she exclaimed cheerily, reaching out to hug her younger friend. "I haven't seen you in about a year, you know. And don't apologize for visiting me spontaneously! You know I said you can visit whenever."

"It's good to see you Nana-san." Lambo said straightforwardly and sincerely. "I wish we could have met in person more often, but I was very busy in Italy."

Nana pouted slightly, ushering her friend inside, out of the slightly humid evening air. "While it's very admirable that you are so diligent with your studies, you should know that relaxing a bit won't hurt you, Lambo-chan. You're at the age when you should be immature and having fun, not going halfway across the world to study - alone, no less." her cheeks puffed out in slight frustration. "Still, I am glad you at least remembered to call me to tell me how you were doing."

Lambo genuinely smiled at Nana. They had met about three years ago, when Lambo had moved into the house just down the street; she had wanted a prime spot for viewing the upcoming events, and had just saved up enough money from her bounties to buy such a spot.

Nana had came over to deliver some 'welcome' cookies, but upon finding out that Lambo was an orphan, and would be living on her own, she had decided to take the supposedly 'lonely' child under her wing - and thus, they had become friends.

While she herself wasn't the most social person you could find - being stuck in total isolation for five years, being experimented on could do that to a gal - for some reason she liked Nana. Maybe it was because she treated her like a normal person, instead of a would-be threat, or an irritating inconsequence like almost everyone in the mafia world did. Plus, she made some pretty fabulous food - and she could steep Earl Grey _just_ right.

Of course, their meetings had led to Iemitsu noticing a Mafioso in the area - in close contact with his beloved Nana, no less - and capturing her for interrogation, but considering that ended up with her acquiring a new acquaintance high-up in the mafia hierarchy, it turned out alright. Or aright as it could be with said acquaintance now coercing her into being a pseudo-bodyguard for his hapless son.

Anyway, it was good to see her in person once again, her most recent visit having been a year or so ago. Talking over a long-distance phone call was just not the same. Still, Lambo would have plenty of time to see her now, what with having to bodyguard her son. Another perk of the job, she guessed.

Nana pulled Lambo along behind her back toward the kitchen. Once inside the room, she turned around, pushed Lambo gently into a chair, placed her hands on her hips, and stared seriously at her friend.

"Now Lambo-chan," she started determinedly, "Since I haven't seen you in a year, and I'm not sure you've been eating alright while in Italy, you are going to stay here for dinner."

Lambo blinked slightly in surprise at Nana's tone of voice, but resigned herself to having wonderful, savory food stuffed in her mouth. 'Oh, the horror.' she thought sarcastically.

"But still…" Nana mused, tilting her head to look Lambo over. "I'm only just starting to cook, and I don't want you to get bored."

"I can help you prepare the food, Nana-san." Lambo offered - it was only polite, after all. And Lambo was polite to people she actually liked.

"No, no, no!" Nana protested. "I can't have a guest doing any of the work." She said firmly. Then, her face lit up. "Oh, I know! You can go upstairs and meet Tsuna!" she said gleefully. "You've never met him before, have you? Even though we've known each other for three years."

Of course not. The whole reason she had wanted to be in Namimori is because she would be able to predict - to a certain extent - what would be happening, and thus keep herself alive. So making huge changes to the storyline was a no-no. Meeting Tsuna beforehand would undermine that reason - who knows how many changes would occur by little Tsuna meeting a person involved with the mafia before meeting Reborn?

However, Nana obviously didn't know all that. "Oh, your son?" Lambo asked with fake curiosity. "I've heard you talk about him, but no, I've never met him. It's a bit weird, isn't it?"

"Well then, it's settled!" Nana smiled. "Just go up those stairs," she pointed through the kitchen doorway, and go through the first door on the right, okay? Just so you know, Tsu-kun has a live-in tutor, so don't be surprised that there's someone else in there - I think they're studying right now."

Just as her words finished, there was a muffled explosion coming from up the stairs, followed by a girly shriek of dismay from a prepubescent boy. Lambo sweat-dropped slightly as Nana continued to bustle around the kitchen, utterly oblivious except for a small comment on the rowdiness of young boys. Lambo shook her head as she was shooed out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. 'I guess it is an anime, so extremely illogical things shouldn't surprise me like this.'

She turned toward the correct door, smirking slightly at the sign of a tunafish with the number 27 printed on its side. She turned the doorknob, and swung the door open.

Inside was complete devastation. Not only was there the usual clutter you would expect from a teenaged boy, but half of that mess had been blown up, sending bits and pieces everywhere and leaving scorch marks. In the center of the room was a small, fedora-wearing baby named Reborn, standing behind three classic TNT detonators - the kind seen in cartoons - that were labeled as questions one through three. Directly in front of him was a short, wimpy-looking kid named Tsuna, who was wildly gesturing as he yelled at his tutor.

"Where in the world is there a home tutor who uses bombs whenever a student makes a mistake?" he shrieked incredulously, poking his head from around the binder he'd reflexively held up to shield his head from the explosion. It hadn't worked entirely, because his ridiculously poofy hair was looking a little bit singed. At least he wasn't dead, or Lambo would be out of a job before it could even start.

"Right here." Reborn deadpanned, not really caring for his student's criticism. "This is how I do things."

"That's definitely wrong!" Tsuna shouted, hands on his folded knees as he glared at his diminutive tutor.

"You said you were going to study hard for your test, so Mama would raise your allowance." Reborn said innocently, as if his student was the one at fault for yelling at him.

'Which, depending on the way you look at it, he is.' Lambo mused from the doorway, still unnoticed by the kid she was supposed to be guarding. 'I mean, there's respecting those in higher authority, respecting you elders, and plain old common courtesy that he's just violated right now.'

"At this point, before my allowance rises, I'll rise to heaven!" Tsuna groaned. "Geez, I can't stand this anymore…"

"Then it's good for you that we're taking a break." Reborn announced, and suddenly, the room was clear of all evidence of explosives, and Tsuna's quiz-questions were neatly placed on the desk. Yay for anime physics.

Tsuna stared disbelievingly at his tutor. After all, so far, he'd shown absolutely no mercy, and little regard for Tsuna's feelings, so what was this about a break?

"…you aren't joking, right?" he asked.

"Of course not, Dame-Tsuna." Reborn stated obviously. He turned his head in false disappointment. "I supposed I should've realized that you wouldn't know it was rude to continue on with what you're doing when you have a guest." The black pits he had for eyes glinted. "I guess I have more work cut out for me than I thought."

Tsuna gaped, and a small squeak came from his mouth as he realized what his demonic little tutor had just said. His fluffy head whipped around toward the doorway, only to find a girl around his age standing there. A sense of growing horror welled up inside him - she looked distinctly European, her light olive skin tone suggesting she might even be from… _Italy_.

"It is kind of rude." the girl agreed. "Still, you guys are like a comedy duo, so it's all good. How've you been, Reborn?"

This girl knew _Reborn_.

"Ciaossu, Lambo. I'm doing well. I've been expecting you."

Reborn was being _polite_ to her - and he said he was _expecting_ her. The last person the tutor had been _expecting_ had nearly blown him up!

"Oh, he called you to say I was coming? That's good - I'd almost expect him to forget something important like that." she said blandly in response. "Anyway, it took a while to iron out the details- otherwise I would have been here sooner." the girl stretched her arms slightly, the movement revealing the words on her undershirt.

This girl was wearing a shirt that said - though it took him a minute or so to translate the English words - '_I'm with the mafia_'.

"So this is the kid, huh?" the girl said, tilting her head to examine him even as she plopped down casually on his bed.

"Yep. This is Dame-Tsuna. I look forward to working with you on this job."

Tsuna nearly fainted. _Another one? Please, Kami, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

* * *

A/N: Just so you guys know, in the timeline, this actually the point where canon!Lambo appears. Since I'm mostly basing this on the manga, this is just after Kyoko was shot with the Dying Will Bullet - or 'Russian Roulette' - and just before the 'Family Entrance Test'.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N:…Wow. I've impressed even myself by cranking out this chapter so quickly - especially since I did half of it in the car, and kept having to take breaks when I got carsick. XD And this chapter is the longest one I've written, too! I think getting to the actual storyline has stimulated my imagination and work ethic. Plus, there's the fact that this is definitely my favorite story to write for. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! (By the way, since people have been asking about a pairing, I've put up a poll on my profile - go vote if you want to voice your opinion.)

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Nine

* * *

There was an awkward silence that blanketed the room - at least, in Tsuna's point of view. He was frighteningly pale as his eyes rapidly switched back and forth between the two figures before him.

Reborn watched the other two with his usual kitty smirk, but who knows what goes on in his warped little head?

Lambo stared blankly at the boy in front of her. 'I knew he was supposed to be the ultimate Butt Monkey of this universe,' she thought to herself. 'But upon actually meeting him…'

'_He's even more pathetic_.' she thought decisively.

She sighed, breaking the uncomfortable (only to Tsuna) silence in the bedroom as she slouched slightly on the bed.

"I get the feeling this job is going to be troublesome." she stated bluntly, her eyes never leaving her 'mission priority'.

Tsuna twitched under the scrutiny.

'Like a little bunny or something…' Lambo thought idly. 'Maybe if I think of him as a cute little animal, I can muster up more energy to actually do my job.'

"Dame-Tsuna, don't be stupid." Reborn said suddenly. "She isn't another tutor - why would you need another one if I'm here?" he said matter-of-factly.

Suddenly, Tsuna seemed to regain some of his vigor. "How am I supposed to know that?" he shouted. "And don't go reading peoples' minds without permission!"

Lambo watched this all with a bored expression, and a sweat drop on the side of her head. 'He wasn't reading your mind... You just suck at keeping your thoughts from your face.' she commented inwardly.

"And anyway, what was with that greeting if she isn't here for the same thing as you? You said you'd been expecting her, and that you'd enjoy working with her on the job!" Tsuna continued irately. "And she's definitely involved with the mafia!" he gestured toward the words on her shirt. "What else am I supposed to get from that?"

'It kind looks like he's pointing at my chest.' Lambo thought absently. 'Wouldn't it be weird if power in the mafia was determined by breast size? Everyone would be getting plastic surgery - probably even some guys - and the whole thing would be even more gay than it is now, what with the Flaming Rainbow superpowers. Not to mention the back pains. Masseuses would make a fortune.'

Reborn seemed to roll his eyes, before leaping forward to kick Tsuna in the head, only to rebound off his student's skull, and land nimbly on the bed next to Lambo, who snapped out of her peculiar mental wanderings.

"While it's good you actually listened to the words I said," he addressed the boy, "You suck at coming to conclusions." He turned deep black pits of nothingness toward his student. "Besides, don't you trust me to be tutor enough for you?" he asked innocently.

Lambo watched in fascination as Tsuna's face blanked out - his eyes literally became white circles. The intricacies of living in a world of anime never ceased to entertain her. She could practically see the thought bubble above the tunafish's head: 'Who would trust you with anything? You just tried to blow me up for answering a question wrong!'

"I'll have you know I'm a very trustworthy person." Reborn stated plainly, suddenly pointing a green pistol toward his student's head as he read the offensive thoughts that were stark in his student's expression.

Tsuna stiffened automatically in reaction, but Reborn didn't intend to shoot him… yet.

"Anyway, you're being rude, Dame-Tsuna." he scolded. "You haven't even introduced yourself to your guest - in fact, you've completely ignored her."

Tsuna twitched, but turned his attention toward Lambo, who was staring absently at Reborn's sideburns, wondering how they formed the perfect curl every time. The puffy-haired boy offered a somewhat nervous smile toward the new potentially dangerous person that had come into his room.

"Um… My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi. Pleased to meet you." he said uncertainly, though his eyes occasionally wandered toward the green pistol still in his tutor's tiny hand.

Lambo turned her blank gaze toward her charge, examining his body language, as well as the fluctuations in his voice. The kid was wary, uncertain, scared out of his wits, and somewhat resigned. 'Nope, not seeing the cute little animal thing. Just a kind of wimpy, unmotivated doormat-guy. His human characteristics ruin any sense of cute fluffiness he may have otherwise had.'

"I'm Lambo." she said simply. "And as of now, I'm also your bodyguard."

Tsuna squeaked in surprise, stuttering in disbelief. "B-bodyguard?" his voice rose to a high pitch as he asked his incredulous question.

"Well yeah," she said bluntly. "You're only going to be the Tenth because three other candidates before you died, y'know?" 'Except for the one currently on ice…' she thought to herself. 'But we're not at that Arc yet.' She leaned forward, boring a hole in Tsuna's skull. "You didn't think those deaths were accidental, did you?" she asked ominously.

Tsuna paled in fear, mentally blubbering as his brain conjured up the morbid images of death Reborn had shown him while describing the gruesome ends of the Ninth's sons.

"Besides," Lambo continued on nonchalantly, "You seem kind of wimpy, so the extra protection will probably be needed if you want to survive to become, well… anything, much less the Tenth Boss of the Vongola Family. I'll take out all the assassins that come after your little noggin - especially since I get a bonus in pay for each one I take down."

Tsuna whimpered.

"But don't worry, Doormat-Guy," she said almost buoyantly, clapping her palms against her knees. "I won't intervene with _everything_ - just the lethal stuff - so you'll still get beaten up every once in a while. I'm not going to interfere with Reborn's training regime. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I only have to protect you until you're strong enough to protect yourself."

A small smirk spread across her face as she leaned forward slightly. "Besides, bruises and broken bones build character."

'I get the feeling she doesn't want this job…' Tsuna thought numbly, wondering just how much worse his life could get with yet another cruel Mafioso invading it. And what was with the nickname?

"Speaking of which - Reborn, you don't have to put his learning on hold any longer just for me." Lambo told the diminutive hitman. "You can get on with the explosions."

"That's good." Reborn said, and suddenly all of Tsuna's study materials were once again place out - along with the plunger-style TNT detonators. "Dame-Tsuna needs to learn not to slack off."

'She definitely doesn't want this job!' Tsuna thought in despair as he tried to focus once again on his math questions.

* * *

"Nana-san always makes the best food, ne Reborn?" Lambo flashed a small smile at both Tsuna's mom and his tutor.

"Of course." Reborn said. "Mama is a very good cook. I always want seconds."

Nana blushed modestly, waving her hand. "Oh stop it you two, you're making me blush."

Tsuna watched in horrified disbelief. '… two-faced.' was the only word going through his head as he mechanically ate his noodles.

"And she even remembered that my favorite drink is Earl Grey." Lambo beamed as she took a sip of the delectable tea. Beside her, Reborn took a sip of his own espresso.

'What? Remembered?' Tsuna thought, completely aghast. 'That means that Mom already knew her…?'

"Oh Lambo-chan, I've known you for three years, of course I'd remember!" Nana smiled gleefully. "After all, that's almost all you drink after having your milk and fruit juice with breakfast."

'Three years?' Tsuna screamed mentally, nearly dropping his fork. 'And Mom knows her habits so well!'

"In fact, I'm pretty sure your skin has absorbed the smell by now!" Nana joked with a small chuckle.

"They should make a shampoo." Lambo said absently, slurping up a forkful of noodles.

There was a lull in the conversation, during which Reborn stole some noodles from Tsuna's plate, and then asked for seconds. Again, Tsuna was the only one really uncomfortable with the silence (and irritated with Reborn's thieving ways). 'He really needs to stop being so self-conscious.' Lambo thought idly.

"Oh, Lambo-chan!" Nana suddenly said. "I forgot to ask you earlier - how long are you going to stay in Namimori this time? I want to know if I can schedule a time for our usual café crawl!"

'Café crawl?' Tsuna thought faintly, '…is that like a bar crawl?'

Lambo suddenly smiled, and only Nana was oblivious to the slightly impish edge to it. Reborn paid little attention to it in favor of his meal, but Tsuna recognized the look from having seen it on his tutor's face numerous times before something bad happened. He watched the conversation with dread, unable to look away, like someone watching a train wreck - though this time, he was pretty sure the only thing getting wrecked would be the last little peace of mind he had left.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that, Nana-san!" she said blithely. "I've decided to stop hopping around Europe, and just stay in one place for awhile - and since Japan is my favorite place, I've decided to just stay here while I study."

Nana clapped happily. "Oh, that's wonderful!" she beamed, unaware of her son's contradicting reaction, and his mounting horror. "Now we can visit with each other regularly! But why don't you just enroll in an actual school if you've decided to stay in one place?" she wanted to know. "You could even go to the same school as my Tsu-kun!"

"Namimori Middle, right?." Lambo asked, watching in interest as Tsuna seemed to freeze in his chair at the direction the conversation was going. "I've heard good things about it - and I'd be able to watch over Tsuna-san for you if I did." she told Nana.

Tsuna nearly fainted in horror. 'Noo! Why is Mom encouraging this? I don't want her in my school as well!'

"But since I've been learning in other countries, the curriculum wouldn't be the same, and I'd just end up confused - so I'd rather just keep learning by myself." Lambo told her friend. 'Not to mention, I'd end up on Mukuro's little list of strongest fighters at Nami-Middle - which is something I don't want. And there's just the fact that I'm mentally around thirty years old - give or take a few months because of my new 'birthday' - why would anyone my age want to go back to middle school?'

Tsuna felt as though he had dodged a bullet - and he actually knew from experience what that felt like, ever since Reborn arrived.

Nana pouted slightly. "That's too bad Lambo-chan, it would have been nice for Tsu-kun to have another friend at his school - I've told you before, he has trouble socializing with the other children."

Tsuna bowed his head in embarrassment, slurping his noodles in mortification. 'She talks about that with her friends? Especially this one?'

Soon, the meal was over, and Tsuna was itching to go back up to his room and peacefully read a manga or something to sooth his frayed nerves. Or maybe just drop to sleep - to ensure that he wasn't nodding off in class thanks to Reborn's habitually early (and violent) wakeup calls. But instead, he was forced to sit there politely as his oblivious mother chatted happily with two dangerous Mafioso. Eventually however, even his space cadet of a mother realized how long they had been talking.

"Oh my, Lambo-chan, it's getting awfully late." Nana glanced at the clock worriedly. "You should be getting home, but it's already dark out - maybe you should just stay the night in one of our guest rooms?"

Tsuna's head snapped upward in terror, images of being strangled in his sleep by a dark figure invaded his brain - 'I won't have to bother protecting you from assassins if you're already dead, kukuku.' the figure chuckled menacingly.

"There's no need for that, Nana-san." Lambo's lethargic voice pierced through the gruesome visualization, and Tsuna perked up in hopefulness.

"After all," Lambo slowly turned her head toward Tsuna, a impish gleam in her eyes. "I live just down the street."

Tsuna turned to stone in his chair, mentally frothing at the mouth.

As Lambo walked home in the dim glow of the streetlights - after bidding farewell to her friend, Reborn, and her temporary charge - she couldn't help but think, 'He's even more fun to bully than Iemitsu.'

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The Next Day

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Tsuna trudged into school, a figurative cloud of gloominess hovering over his head, and dark smudges of insomnia under his eyes.

'I kept having the same dream last night, over and over.' the poor, prospective mafia boss thought miserably. 'I kept thinking that Lambo would sneak over in the middle of the night to murder me.'

He halted for a moment.

'And she's going to be around me almost constantly as my 'bodyguard'…' he thought bleakly. 'But she won't even protect me from bullies.'

The gloom-cloud grew.

Suddenly, an arm was slung around his shoulder. "Yo, Tsuna!" a voice said cheerily from somewhere above his head.

The poor tunafish tilted his head upward to see one of his only friends. "Hey, Yamamoto-kun." he said, with a weak, but genuine smile. After all, the baseball player was probably one of the only good points in his life - far from being involved with all the mafia nonsense.

"You sleeping alright?" Yamamoto asked, half-concerned, but with a smile still on his face. "You have bags under your eyes, y'know?

"A-ah… Some stuff happened." Tsuna said weakly as he remembered his extremely reluctant 'bodyguard'. 'I can't exactly tell Yamamoto that I now have a 'bodyguard' who seems like she'd rather kill me than protect me.'

"Well, as long as you're not sleep-deprived due to studying, that's good." Yamamoto said with a teasing smirk. When Tsuna looked at him confusedly, he chuckled slightly. "After all, then I'd lose my failure buddy!"

The two friends laughed a little before moving on toward class, Yamamoto playfully elbowing his shorter friend in the side of the head.

From the roof of one of the buildings along the main entrance path, a certain silver-haired bomber watched the scene with growing ire.

'He just elbowed the Tenth!' Gokudera thought, grinding a cigarette between his teeth. 'That bastard… being all clingy to him! He's not worthy of being in the Family!' he thought with determination. 'I'll have to ask Reborn-san to reconsider.'

And with that, he slunk off to class as well.

Unnoticed, on the same exact roof he just left were two certain Mafioso. "He seems a little impulsive and hotheaded." Lambo pointed out with a bored voice as her eyes tracked the bomber sprinting into the school building. 'I would've said that he had an 'explosive temper', or a 'short fuse', but I think Reborn would have hit me for the horrible pun.'

"Yep." Reborn agreed as he balanced on the roof's railing next to where she was leaning. "But he's extremely loyal to Dame-Tsuna, so he's useful."

"And the other kid?" Lambo asked, wanting to know Reborn's opinion on Yamamoto.

"He's got good instincts - and he's popular too, because he's good at sports." Reborn noted. "He has the makings of a natural hitman."

Lambo hummed contemplatively as she unenthusiastically examined the part of the school she could see for areas that could potentially be used by assassins.

"Smoking Bomb doesn't seem to approve." she noted mildly, continuing their conversation.

"Yes, well that will be fixed by the end of the day, one way or another." Reborn's eyes glinted wickedly. "And my approval will not be proven incorrect."

'By 'either way', you mean the poor kid will be dead, or sucked into the world of violence and criminal activity.' Lambo thought dully. 'What a choice he's got there.'

Lambo shook her head slightly and straightened up from her slouch against the rail. "So why did you ask me to come here, anyway, Reborn? I was planning on leaving his protection during school hours in your capable hands." 'And I wanted the extra time to relax a bit.' she mentally grumbled - though she was sure to keep her discontent off of her face, lest she provoke the tiny hitman standing next to her.

"You should know the layout of the school, just in case there's ever a situation here." Reborn told her plainly. The tardy bell from the school rang in the background.

Lambo looked at him in skepticism. "I could have just found the blueprints for it, you know." she stated. "…well, except for the hideouts I suppose you made."

"But besides that," Reborn continued - though he did acknowledge her words with a small smirk, "I wanted you to observe Tsuna's family members, and be here for the Family Entrance Test I have planned for after school today."

Lambo blinked in realization. 'I guess I really did get here when the canon version of Lambo would have. What an odd coincidence.'

"Is Smoking Bomb's opinion on the other guy really that important?" she asked Reborn, curious to know what his answer would be.

"Not really." Reborn stated. "The Boss's opinion is the only one that really matters in the end, but I'd rather nip any real animosity between the two in the bud. Plus, I want to evaluate his current skill level and mindset."

Lambo hummed in understanding. "Well, since I'm already here, I might as well investigate the place anyway." she sighed. "I might even find a nice napping place to wait until the classes are done."

And with that, she vaulted over the railing, plummeting down toward the hard pavement. She hit the ground with a soft thump, and set off at a lethargic pace in the direction of the school building, sending a negligent wave of farewell over her shoulder.

Reborn smirked slightly as he observed her retreating form. He had to wonder what exactly Iemitsu had offered the willful Black Sheep to actually have her consent to babysitting a kid - even if that kid was going to be the Tenth Vongola Boss sometime in the future. Still, though he was curious, he hopped away toward his usual perch in the tree outside Tsuna's classroom window. Regardless of the reason, it would be an interesting experience to work alongside her, considering her unusual skill set - especially since her teasing of his student was so darn entertaining.

* * *

After classes had ended, Tsuna found himself in the school poolroom, unsuccessfully trying to make sense of Reborn's insane mafia-logic once again - and trying to ignore the presence of the girl who seemed to love scaring him out of his pants (Usually Reborn was the one making him jump out of his pants - what with the Dying Will Bullet.) - especially since he had been of the understanding that she _wouldn't_ be invading his school life.

Reborn himself had decided to enter the pool with an inner tube, and was snacking on an ice-cream, while Leon floated next to him in the form of a bright-green rubber ducky. Lambo - who _had_ managed to get in a nap - was sitting on the edge of the water, her sandals placed next to her on the tile as her legs swished leisurely through the cool water.

"So to satisfy Gokudera's misgivings, I've decided to hold the 'Family Entrance Test' for Yamamoto." Reborn concluded to his student, who was currently spazzing out.

"_I'm_ not satisfied!" he yelled. "Quit deciding things on your own! And don't enter the school pool without permission!" he shrieked the last bit warily, looking around in paranoia as if he expected Hibari to pop out of nowhere and beat the snot out of him - after all, knowing Tsuna's luck, he would be the one getting blamed for the unauthorized baby in the pool.

"Besides, Yamamoto-kun is my classmate, my friend! And he's busy with baseball! Don't involve him in your weird world!" Tsuna objected with a scowl. Reborn ignored him.

Lambo also ignored his high-pitched screams, and focused instead on the floating tray of goodies next to Reborn in the pool. It had a yummy-looking sundae on it, as well as a little fruit drink, complete with a mini-umbrella in it. 'It kind of makes me want to go to Mafia Land again.' she thought absently. 'Only just to relax this time, instead of for business. And Tsuna is kinda dumb - him being _friends_ with Yamamoto is already enough for the guy to be dragged into the 'weird world' of mafia business.'

"It's too late for that, Dame-Tsuna. I already told Gokudera to call Yamamoto out." Reborn stated bluntly with a smirk, diving down into the water before his student could start screaming again. As Tsuna dashed off, trying to stop Gokudera from blowing his only other friend to smithereens, Lambo wondered if Reborn's fedora -which he was still wearing when he went underwater - was water-proof. She then reluctantly got up, gathered up her sandals, and followed her shrimpy charge at a relaxed pace.

Fortunately for the baseball-obsessed first year, Tsuna managed to get there before Gokudera started throwing dynamite - though he was bent over at the waist, trying to regain his breath from the long sprint.

'Or rather - he got there before Gokudera 'blew his top'.' thought Lambo, not even winded as she watched the scene from behind Tsuna. 'But I think that's another one that would make Reborn hit me. I can't help it though - Gokudera is like the ultimate cannon-fodder for punnage because of his temper combined with his weapon of choice.'

"Hey, Tsuna." Yamamoto greeted jovially. Then his eyes zoomed in on Reborn, who was currently standing on a skateboard, having hitched a ride by tying a rope around Tsuna's waist and allowing his student to tow him. "Who's this, your little brother?" the only mafia-ignorant person there asked curiously.

Tsuna was obviously confused, until a 'Ciaossu' came from the vicinity of his shins.

"Reborn!" he shrieked in surprise. 'No wonder it felt so heavy.'

He was ignored, and Reborn continued talking. "I'm not his little brother. I'm Reborn, the number one hitman for the Vongola Family." he stated straightforwardly.

Tsuna turned into a parody of 'The Scream' painting in his utter dismay. 'He blurted it out so plainly - just like that!'

Lambo watched in amusement as Yamamoto easily accepted Reborn's words - assuming he was playing a game. 'It's so different seeing someone this dense in real life.' she thought in interest. 'Like seeing a rare, nearing-extinction animal in the wild.'

"It must be troublesome being a hitman at such a young age." Yamamoto told Reborn with a smile as he crouched down in front of the hitman.

"Not really." Reborn stated. "You're going to join the Vongola Family too."

"H-Hey! Reborn!" Tsuna shrieked in dismay.

"Hey, calm down Tsuna." Yamamoto chided mildly. "He's just a kid, you know? Didn't you ever play cops and robbers when you were younger?"

Tsuna gaped at his friend. 'He thinks the mafia is a game?' he thought incredulously.

Yamamoto picked up Reborn, and carefully placed the baby on his shoulder. "There."

"Tsuna is the Tenth head of the Family." Reborn told him, strangely unbothered by his treatment, and ignoring Tsuna's screams of protest.

"Oh? That's a good choice of person!" Yamamoto said cheerily.

Tsuna watched in stunned disbelief. 'Damn Reborn, he nearly kills me when I touch him, but around Yamamoto, he's like a borrowed cat! He's acting all goody-goody!'

Lambo watched it all with lazy eyes, 'I wonder when Tsuna is going to stop working himself up over everything?' she thought to herself. 'At the rate he's going, he's going to give himself an ulcer before anyone actually kills him.'

"And who are you?" Yamamoto asked curiously, turning toward Lambo. "I haven't seen you around before, do you go to school here too?"

"Nope. I self-study." Lambo said, before bowing politely. "My name is Lambo, it's nice to meet you."

"Ah!" Yamamoto reciprocated the bow as well as he could with Reborn on his shoulder. "I'm Yamamoto Takeshi, it's nice to meet you as well."

'They're both acting like goody-goodies!' Tsuna thought in shock.

"Ok, kid. Tsuna's the boss, right? Then let me in this Vongola Family, too." Yamamoto said to Reborn. Lambo noticed a unexpectedly serious glint in his eyes as he asked - though she supposed he couldn't be as oblivious as many people thought he was.

She somehow managed to hear a scoff over the sound of Tsuna's high-pitched protests, and turned to see Gokudera sitting off to the sidelines. 'He looks like he's going to _explode_ with frustration.' she thought to herself as she took in the tense lines of the bomber's posture. Then she jolted slightly. 'Geh. Another pun. Gotta stop doing that.'

"So what do I need to do in order to enter?" Yamamoto asked in a carefree tone.

"You have to pass the Family Entrance Test." Reborn told him.

"Oh, there's a test, huh? This sounds pretty legitimate." Yamamoto noted with a slight smile.

Reborn hopped off the baseball player's shoulder. "If you don't pass the test, you can't join the Family." he told him.

Tsuna sagged in premature relief at the thought of his friend not being involved in mafia matters.

"Because if you don't pass the test, you'll be dead." Reborn stated offhandedly.

Tsuna once again started to freak out.

Yamamoto once again crouched down as he addressed the tiny hitman. "Haha, I like you," he said with a grin. "You're seriously funny."

Tsuna watched in dread at his friend's unawareness. 'It's not like that Yamamoto! When he says he'll do it, he'll really do it!'

"By the way, what about you? Are you here for the test, too?" Yamamoto asked in curiosity, turning toward Lambo, who had been watching to proceedings in amusement.

"No," she told him bluntly. "I'm not going to take the test. I'm his bodyguard." she gestured toward Tsuna.

Gokudera, who had been satisfied that Yamamoto was being forced to take a test, abruptly exploded. (A/N: Pun not intended… I think)

"WHAT THE HELL? Who are you to be worthy of protecting the Tenth?" he yelled angrily, pointing rudely in Lambo's face. Tsuna nearly had a mini panic attack.

"Who are you to say I'm unworthy?" Lambo asked, eyes half-lidded in boredom, and her face showing how unimpressed she was at his outburst.

Gokudera glowered at her. "I know the names of all the noteworthy people involved in the mafia. I've never heard of anyone called 'Lambo', so you can't be good enough to even think of protecting the Tenth!"

Lambo raised an eyebrow at him, before leaning in closer to his face. "Who says that means I'm not good?" she asked him calmly. "Maybe it's the other way around, and I'm so good that no one has ever linked my deeds to my name."

Gokudera froze in the middle of opening his mouth for a rebuttal. He gave her a suspicious glance, still filled with fury and indignation. "Even if that is the case - why would such an unknown element be trusted with the Tenth's safety?"

Lambo smirked slightly at him. "Just because most people have no idea who I am, doesn't mean anyone doesn't. The leader of the CEDEF personally asked me to take this job, and work directly with Reborn to keep Tsuna alive." her smirk widened. "If you have a problem with me, you can take it to either of them."

Gokudera fell silent, but Lambo could tell his anger and mistrust was bubbling just beneath the surface.

There was a silence between the five of them, before it was broken by Yamamoto - ever the one oblivious to tension. "You know, Gokudera, I've heard that frustration can be caused by a lack of calcium." he pulled out a carton of milk. "You should drink this."

Lambo held back a snicker as Gokudera looked ready to strangle Yamamoto. Reborn thankfully brought the conversation back to the Entrance Test - after all, there would be no point in it if Yamamoto died before the test even began.

"The Family Entrance Test is simple." he stated, pulling out two guns that were nearly as large as his body. "Dodge the attacks."

"First is knives." Reborn stated as he threw several of said weapon. Yamamoto dodged them easily, though with a small squawk of surprise.

'Why did he pull out some guns if he was going to use knives first?' Lambo thought with bemusement as Tsuna threw himself in front of Yamamoto. 'Whatever. It's _Reborn_.'

"Wait Reborn! Are you trying to kill Yamamoto-kun?" Tsuna cried with a scowl, though Lambo could tell he was also nervous of getting sliced himself.

Gokudera had a menacing smile on his face. 'Kill him. Kill him.'

Yamamoto got over the knife-throwing with abnormal quickness, and slung an arm around Tsuna's shoulders. "Maa, maa, Tsuna. Didn't you play with wooden swords when you were little? I'm okay, so let's continue."

Tsuna deadpanned, disbelieving that anyone could actually say that after having sharp, potentially lethal weaponry thrown in their direction by a baby hitman.

"As the boss, you should show an example to your potential subordinate." Reborn interrupted his student's inner turmoil with a smirk.

"Wha?" Tsuna spluttered as he gaped downward at his tutor.

"Sounds good!" Yamamoto said cheerily. "Let's make it a race to see who's going to pass the test!" he proposed with a grin. And without waiting for any answer other than a 'huh?' of stunned dread from Tsuna, the baseball fanatic began to sprint forward.

As Tsuna scrambled to catch up, Reborn began throwing knives again, pulling hordes of them out of some unknown Hammer Space.

"Good form, kid!" Yamamoto declared delightedly as he dodged a few more projectiles.

'He's kind of a weirdo.' Lambo thought bluntly as she watched the middle-school students flee for their lives. Then she sweat-dropped. 'I suppose that just means he'll fit right in, though. And it's not like I have room to talk - or think, rather - about being a weirdo.'

"He's got skill from training in baseball." Reborn noted to himself after examining Yamamoto's own form. "His reflexes are great."

"Is that so…?" Gokudera gritted his teeth with a small scoff of derision, his own eyes carefully tracking the form of his beloved boss instead of the 'rude' baseball player.

"Wow, the quality of toys these days is incredible!" Yamamoto remarked to Tsuna. "Those knives looked real!"

Before Tsuna could even voice his utter incredulity, Reborn disappeared in a burst of unreal speed, stopping when he was just ahead of the sprinting students.

"Next is the blowgun." he declared, and then proceeded to pull two of them out of nowhere - once again - and start firing at the two test-takers.

"How did he get ahead of us?" Tsuna screeched in terror as he clumsily dodged the darts.

Lambo, who had caught up to Reborn, noted that this was the point in time where canon!Lambo would appear. And once his appearance was ignored, pull out a missile launcher and start firing at the two running boys.

"So either they'll have an easier time…' she thought to herself as she watched the show. 'Or something will happen to restore the equilibrium of the story.'

"Lambo, start aiming at them as well." Reborn told her, without bothering to stop firing his dual blowguns. "This isn't hard enough for them yet."

'… like that.' she thought. With a sigh, she reached into the false pocket of her jeans, detaching her modified shock gun from its thigh-holster. It fired small electrodes as ammo, which upon hitting anything discharged in a blast of electricity. One of the cool things about it, was that the gun also allowed for her to supply extra charge for the ammunition with her own electricity. She usually used it when subduing targets that were needed alive, but it would work just as well for this situation. She took aim with one arm, and started firing.

The deceptively tiny orbs of ammo whizzed through the air, deliberately missing direct contact with the boys. Upon contact with the ground, the orbs burst into electricity, the arcs of energy arching over five feet in all directions.

Tsuna gave a shriek of surprise as one of the tendrils of electricity jolted his arm. The limb went numb, and Tsuna sped up out of self-preservation, despite the fact that his arm was ruining his form with its awkward flopping around. Gokudera gave a shriek of dismay when he saw that the Tenth had been hit.

Lambo couldn't help but grin eagerly as she continued firing. It had been a while since she had been able to practice on moving targets - and with the weapon she was currently using, it took her more skill to avoid hitting her targets instead of incapacitating them.

"Looks like I'll have to get serious if I want to pass this test." Yamamoto said to himself with slight tension, a determined look crossing his face as his performance notably improved.

Reborn smirked as well, before pulling out yet another weapon. "Next is a submachine gun." he declared. "Fired at the level of a trainee hitman."

Tsuna heard him, and gave another small scream as rapid-fire bullets impacted on the ground around his feet.

"Gokudera, you can let loose too." Reborn half-ordered. When the bomber looked reluctant to aim anywhere near his beloved boss, Reborn told him, "Imagine killing Yamamoto, and you can do it."

So, with little hesitation, and the excuse of Reborn's suggestion, Gokudera joined in on the utter chaos.

By this point, Yamamoto and Tsuna were dodging multiple bullets, explosions of electricity, and now added to that were sticks of dynamite that caused explosions of the usual sort. Well, until Reborn switched to a rocket missile. Then it was that instead of the bullets.

Simultaneously, Gokudera let loose with two near-overflowing fistfuls of dynamite, Reborn launched his colossal rocket, and Lambo charged her next round to the maximum before firing.

Yamamoto and Tsuna's 'OH $#!' faces as they saw the deluge of potentially lethal weaponry speeding toward them - one million yen.

The gigantic explosion that nearly reached above the rooftops of the school - two million yen. (Lambo liked explosions, okay?)

The expression on Gokudera's face when he realized that he helped to nearly kill his boss, and Yamamoto was the one to save him - priceless.

Needless to say, Yamamoto passed his Family Entrance Test - and not only did he save his boss in the process, but he still thought the mafia business was all a game.

There was some debate between the two subordinates about who was Tsuna's right-hand man, but Lambo stopped listening after nose hair and snot was brought into the conversation.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I am a chapter-spewing MACHINE! WOO~! I guess getting to the actual manga events _has_ bolstered my work ethic! It's so much fun to write! Thank you all for voting on the poll - but I hope you realize that the winner of the poll won't automatically be paired with Lambo. I have absolutely no idea how to write romance...

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Keeping Your Character - Chapter Ten

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Lambo leaned halfway out the window of Tsuna's second floor bedroom, trying to catch the slightest breeze in reprieve from the sweltering heat. She was already wearing a tank top and a pair of knee-length shorts, and she was still sweating more than was comfortable. Unfortunately, the air conditioning wasn't working, and the only electric fan had been given to Nana.

'Why….?' she whined inwardly, pushing a few sweaty locks of hair away from where they were sticking to her forehead. 'I want to be at hooooooooooooome… It has air conditioning. And an indoor pool. And I think I even have some popsicles still in the freezer. So why do I have to be here?'

"Tsu-kun!" a voice called from downstairs. "Will you please walk to the store and get some green tea for you mother?"

Lambo's head whipped around to stare at the middle school student also in the room with her. 'Oh, that's why.' she mused. '...Iemitsu is going to get an uncomfortable amount of static electricity when I next see him.'

Tsuna paused in the middle of his groaning at the thought of walking in the heat, stiffening at the force of her displeased stare on his back. He shuddered slightly, and pulled on his sandals, hoping that if he got out of the house, she'd stop trying to bore a hole in his head with her eyes.

Unfortunately, he had forgotten that she was technically his bodyguard, so she had to follow him in case someone would take the opportunity to try and kill him. (Which, knowing his luck, is exactly how things would happen.)

Lambo smirked slightly as she fluttered her new paper fan - the cool wind currents generated by the motion were sweet relief from the scorching heat. She had badgered Tsuna into buying it for her at the store - though he had been forced to use his own pocket money instead of what Nana had given him, because that only paid for the green tea that she wanted. Still, he had been happy to do it after she had threatened to start putting live worms in his pillow case if he refused.

'Ah, life is good when you know someone you can coerce into buying you free stuff!' she thought happily to herself, following a few feet behind her Tsuna. She took a long sip from her water bottle - also bought for her by her charge. While it was a little bit mean - or a lot bit mean - well… she didn't exactly care at the moment because of the darn heat. She was a cold-weather person, dammit! Still, she'd just put ice cubes in his bed later on instead of worms - that would probably even be a pleasure for him because of the heat.

Tsuna mentally cried waterfalls as he trudged along the sidewalk, wiping sweat from his forehead. 'Damn that Lambo.' he thought miserably. 'Not only did I have to waste my own money on her, but I didn't have enough with me to buy myself a drink, too. And I'm really thirsty now.' He turned to look at her, already imagining the gloating look on her face at his frustration.

You can imagine his surprise when he saw her nowhere in sight, especially when she had never passed up such an easy opportunity to taunt him. She had vanished without a trace.

He faced forward again, slightly bemused. 'Where'd she go…?' he thought, brow puckering slightly. '…she better not have gone to put worms in my pillow case.' his pace quickened at the notion, but his progress was halted by a ringing sound - the noise a bell on the handlebars of a bicycle made. He turned to look at the street, only to see a figure on a mommy bike slowing to a halt next to him.

The figure was obviously a woman - a well-developed woman, at that, judging from the curves he could see beneath her tank top and leather pants. She had lots of arm accessories, as well as a tattoo of a scorpion on her shoulder. The woman turned to face him, pulling off her helmet as she did so. Cascades of bubblegum pink hair flowed down, and Tsuna could see that she had a very pretty face.

She pulled out a can of soda. "You can have this, if you like." she stated, before tossing the can at his head, and pedaling her vehicle away down the street.

Tsuna, being the clumsy kid he is, missed his catch. The can smacked roughly into his head and bounced onto the ground, spurting open on contact.

"Ow…" he muttered, bending over to pick up the can. "I must have looked like such a loser - and it spilled, too."

Before he could even touch the can, it began to belch out noxious-looking purple fumes. Tsuna froze in shock, and then freaked out slightly as a bird dropped dead to the pavement due to the haze. He picked himself up from his crouch, and began to sprint back home, thirst forgotten in his alarm. He needed to see Reborn about this - what if it was something to do with the mafia?

At the scene of the incident, Lambo slowly shimmered back into the visible spectrum, still staring at the place the biker had disappeared. 'Darn it…' she thought to herself in irritation. 'I'd forgotten that person would be coming here soon… At least I managed to hide myself before she saw me…' With a small shudder at the narrowly missed catastrophe, she began to head back to the Sawada house as well. Only instead of wanting to see Reborn, she kind of wanted to hide in Tsuna's closet.

"Reborn!" Tsuna exclaimed as he sprinted up the stairs - miraculously not tripping over his feet in his haste. "We have a problem!" he threw open the door to his room. He managed to get out a few words about the dead bird, before actually comprehending what his eyes were telling him.

Reborn stood in front of him, large beetles covering every inch of his babyish face - though some settled on his hat next to Leon. "Hm?"

"Do you emit tree sap!" the boy yelled incredulously.

"These guys are my summer minions." Reborn declared. "They collect information for me."

"Does that mean you speak bug language?" Tsuna asked, still flabbergasted by his tutor's latest eccentricity.

Reborn ignored him with the ease of one who cares not for the words of inconsequential people. "With their help, I was able to grab hold of some important data." he told his student as the beetles dispersed. "Bianchi is in town."

"Bianchi…?" Tsuna asked, half-curious, and half-dreading the answer. "Who's that?"

"A former fellow hitman." Reborn told him bluntly.

"What?" Tsuna asked in dread. Any reply he might've gotten was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.

"Italian pizza delivery!" a muffled voice declared from the porch.

As Tsuna went downstairs to get the door - seeing as his mother had gone out sometime during his trip to the store - his closet creaked open, and Lambo's head peaked out.

"This is all your fault, you know." she told the smaller hitman bluntly, a slight pout on here face.

Reborn only smirked at her, knowing exactly why she had said that, before heading downstairs to yet again save his hapless student from dying.

Tsuna, meanwhile, was choking on the fumes emitting from the open pizza box being held in his face. As soon as he had answered the door, the biker girl from earlier had pulled on a gas mask and opened it up. Before he could actually pass out from the toxic gas, there was a loud bang, and the pizza box was blasted out the door by a couple of bullets.

Behind him stood Reborn, holding a still smoking gun. "Ciaossu, Bianchi." he greeted calmly.

"Reborn…" Bianchi said reverently - like a devoted fan girl, coincidentally - as she pulled off her gas mask to reveal a blushing face beneath.

"This girl is Bianchi?' Tsuna thought to himself disbelievingly. 'More importantly, though, why is it that I was on the verge of being murdered by her?'

"I'm here to bring you back." Bianchi told him, her blush darkening and her posture becoming almost shy. "Let's do another big job together, Reborn." she pleaded. "A peaceful place doesn't suit you. You should be in the darker world, where every moment is dangerous and thrilling!"

"I told you Bianchi, I have a job to raise Tsuna, so I can't." Reborn told her bluntly, refusing her offer without a second thought.

Bianchi paused for a moment, before astonishingly, she began to tear up. "…Poor Reborn. Unless the Tenth dies in an accident, he'll never be free." she stated mournfully.

"Wha?" Tsuna turned to stone at the ridiculous train of thought, mouth open in sheer incredulity.

"I'll go home for now." Bianchi said, turning to leave. "But when the Tenth is murde- I mean dead, I'll come to bring you back again." she told Reborn, nonchalantly passing over her slip of the tongue.

"Huh? What the heck are you saying?" Tsuna was not so willing to ignore the fact that she almost said 'murdered'. Bianchi ignored him, and left the house without another word.

As soon as the pink-haired woman was gone, Lambo poked her head around the top of the stairs. "She's gone now?" she asked in a satisfied tone.

"And where were you when she was trying to kill me, oh Miss Bodyguard?" Tsuna finally blew up from the stress, as the three remaining people in the house moved back to his room.

"Avoiding Bianchi." Lambo stated bluntly as she sat down on his bed.

"I thought you were supposed to be protecting me from assassins, not hiding from them!" Tsuna yelled, his eye twitching in frustration.

"Bianchi's a special case. She hates my guts." Lambo told him plainly. "And the rest of me as well." she added thoughtfully. 'It'd be kind weird if anyone just hated the guts of a person… It'd be like, 'Your internal organs have offended me! Take them out so we may engage in a duel of honor!' …but then the person would die anyway. So maybe when they say 'hate his guts' it just means they hate the organs that are keeping him alive?'

"Who is Bianchi, anyway?" Tsuna asked, calming slightly at the thought of actually being informed.

"She's a freelance hitman call 'Poison Scorpion'." Reborn told him. "Her special skills is feeding people her poison cooking."

"Another weirdo has appeared!" Tsuna groaned in dismay as he clutched his forehead. "What is wrong with your world?" he then paused, thinking of something else. "But besides that," he pointed at Reborn, "she seems to favor you a lot."

Reborn smirked slightly. "Bianchi loves me. We went out at some point too."

"Wha?" Tsuna asked in astonishment. "So she was your girlfriend, then?" he said disbelievingly, looking at his tutor's extremely young body. 'Why would someone go out with a baby…? Isn't that illegal?'

"I'm popular with women." Reborn stated almost smugly. "Bianchi was my lover - my fourth one, to be exact." he held up four tiny fingers.

"Do you even know the meaning of the words you just said?" Tsuna shrieked in disbelief. He abruptly calmed, turning toward the other person in the room, who was now hugging his pillow. "But why does she hate you then? I mean, you're friends with Reborn, aren't you?"

Lambo's entire body seemed to twitch at a horrible memory. "…because she walked in on Reborn and me talking in a bar." she stated with forced calm, vigorously kneading at the pillow in her hands.

Tsuna blinked, not understanding at all. "So…?" How could something like that generate a hate of homicidal magnitude? 'And why were you two - a baby, and an under-aged girl - talking in a bar of all places…? Isn't that illegal, too?' he thought with a blank face.

"She thought I was trying to steal Reborn from her - the crazy broad!" Lambo abruptly shouted in annoyance, nearly ripping the poor pillow in half. "She didn't even stop to try and notice we were _just talking_ - instead, she just started flinging poisonous garbage everywhere! I think she killed, like, fifteen bystanders!" 'Not to mention, that was the incident that made Iemitsu start with his stupid notion that I like Reborn!' she thought in irritation. 'Who takes the actions of a complete psycho like Bianchi as hard evidence toward a delusional theory like that?'

Tsuna stared blankly at his bodyguard. 'What.' Not only was he shocked at the incredibly stupid situation, he was surprised to see his normally unflappable bodyguard lose her composure and raise her voice. Even when she had been threatening to put live worms in his pillow case in order to force free things out of him, she had kept a calm, steady tone of voice. She must be really pissed with Bianchi.

"And now whenever that idiot sees me anywhere, she flies off the handle and goes on a rampage - flinging her crappy cooking in every direction! It's gotten so annoying that I just avoid her when I see her." Lambo lamented in a snarl. 'I mean, I thought what with me being female, the whole 'Ten-Years Later Lambo = Romeo' thing wouldn't happen…. But nooooo! Stupid Fate hates me! In fact, I think her reaction to me is even worse than it was to canon!Lambo!'

Tsuna seemed to regain his poise slightly. "But if my bodyguard is set on avoiding her, how am I going to survive her trying to kill me?" he asked desperately.

"Tsuna…" Reborn told him seriously. "All humans are creatures that will die one day."

"Don't act enlightened all of the sudden!" the middle-schooler yelled at him.

And to make matters worse, that night Tsuna found worms in his pillow, along with a note. It read - 'Since Bianchi is only in town because of you, I decided to do this anyway - It makes me feel better. - L.'

'Damn it.' Tsuna thought gloomily as he reluctantly hopped out of bed to change his pillow.

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The Next Day

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Lambo contentedly ate the breakfast that Nana had provided as she sat at the Sawada's kitchen table. She had been coming over for meals ever since she had started 'body-guarding' for Tsuna - it was nice to have home cooked meals after years of constantly moving for her bounty hunting. She always made sure to sneak a few bills into Nana's wallet when she could - because even though Nana was generous enough to not ask for anything in return for constantly feeding her, Lambo liked her enough to try not to cheat her out of any money. She knew for a fact, that once Reborn had arrived, Iemitsu had received a 'raise', allowing Nana to get the extra cash needed for feeding another mouth.

She looked up from her omelet and toast as Tsuna clumsily descended the stairs. She examined his form, and noticed he was practically radiating anxiety. Of course, in her opinion, the thought of Bianchi was enough to turn _anyone's_ stomach.

"You know," she started to address him, "It's days like this that I'm glad I'm not in charge of your protection detail at Nami-Middle." she stated nonchalantly.

Tsuna looked up from his own plate and stared questioningly at her, cheeks full of rice. "Huh?" he mumbled through his mouthful.

"Bianchi is most definitely going to try to kill you today." Lambo told him casually with a smile, resting her head on her propped up hand. "and I won't have to be there for it."

Tsuna abruptly looked even more anxious - even slightly nauseous, despite the delicious food in his mouth, and swallowed with a reluctant gulp. He stared uneasily at his plate, before standing quickly from the table, shouting a farewell to his mother, and starting on his usual route to school.

Lambo smirked and continued eating. 'Of course, that doesn't mean I won't come to watch the show anyway.' she thought contentedly to herself.

* * *

'The thing is, despite the fact that she said that to scare me, she's probably right.' Tsuna thought apprehensively to himself. He cheered up slightly when his crush, Sawagawa Kyoko joined him on his walk to school - and actually talked to him!

"Good morning, Kyoko-chan!" he greeted nervously - though for once, it was a good kind of nervous. Lately, all he had been getting was the bad, so it was a nice change.

"Good morning, Tsuna-kun." she returned the greeting with a smile. "Today we're going to make rice balls in Home Economics, so I'm excited!"

"Ohh." Tsuna fumbled slightly, mentally searching for something else to say. His thoughts were interrupted by the scarily recognizable sound of a bike bell coming from behind him. He turned in terror only to confirm that Bianchi was pedaling up to the two middle-schoolers on her mommy bike.

"Those who interfere with someone else's love life should die covered in poison." was her bloodcurdling salutation. The Poison Scorpion pulled out a couple of eerily familiar cans, "Here you go." was all she said before biking away.

As Tsuna hurriedly batted away the two cans of poisonous juice tossed at him and his crush, he couldn't help but think the day would only go downhill from there.

Lambo - who was monitoring the situation with a pair of binoculars from a nearby rooftop - unknowingly agreed with his sentiment. After this day, Bianchi was going to become a regular fixture in the Sawada household, if things went according to the storyline, that is. That was bad. She hadn't just been saying stuff to freak Tsuna out earlier - Bianchi genuinely hated her; and living with someone out to murder you was not conducive to staying alive. Not to mention the fact that after having to constantly dodge the Poison Scorpion whenever in the same area - or just leave, or incapacitate her - Lambo pretty much hated her right back.

'This was another reason why I didn't really want to take this job.' she sighed, before hopping over the rooftops toward Namimori Middle.

* * *

"We'll give the rice balls that we made in Home Economics class to you boys!" all the girls in Tsuna's class declared, holding platters of three rice balls each. Many of them kept shooting glances at Gokudera, Lambo noticed from her perch on a school building opposite from the classroom window.

The boys went wild as they cheered.

Lambo watched with vigilant eyes as the events played out:

-Bianchi switched Kyoko's rice balls for a set of her own, poisonous onigiri.

-Kyoko offered Tsuna her rice balls - which would have been sweet, had they not been lethal to ingest.

-Tsuna dithered over whether to take the rice ball and suffer physically, or to disappoint Kyoko, and suffer emotionally.

-Tsuna's choice was taken out of his hands by his two 'subordinates', who each unknowingly reached to take a poisoned rice ball.

-Tsuna knocked the rice balls from their hands, giving the impression to his classmates that he was threatening them not to eat Kyoko's rice balls, instead of warning them off for their health. (Though since Kyoko was so dense, she still didn't take it as a sign that Tsuna _liked_ her)

-Reborn shot Tsuna with a Dying Will Bullet - in reward for protecting his Family members - as well as an additional one, aimed at his stomach, which allowed him to eat Bianchi's cooking without having something horrible happen to him.

-Tsuna proceeded to eat the poisoned rice balls - along with every other rice ball in the classroom, causing Bianchi to slink off in defeat upon seeing her technique didn't succeed in killing the Tenth.

Lambo sat back and sighed, lowering the binoculars from her eyes. 'Well, at least everything went according to the story - despite the story kind of ticking me off.' she thought to herself. 'I just wish I knew what to do when Bianchi starts hanging around permanently. I don't want Nana's house to be destroyed any more than it usually is.'

After brooding over the matter for a few minutes, Lambo gave it up as impossible for the moment. 'I'm going to go ask Nana to make me some Earl Grey.' she thought decisively. 'And maybe a dessert or five. I need comfort food.'

However, before she could even begin to imagine the kind of drool-inducing goodies her friend could create, she was interrupted by someone speaking to her from the entrance of the roof.

"You are trespassing on Nami-Middle territory." a low, oddly familiar voice pronounced from behind her.

She twisted her head to look behind her, and to her utter disbelief, saw a certain Head Prefect, jacket draped around his shoulders like a cape, whipping out a pair of tonfa, and settling into an offensive stance.

"For that, I will bite you to death." Hibari Kyoya stated, a bloodthirsty glint shining in his narrow eyes.

'Oh come on!' she grumbled mentally, hands swiftly depositing her binoculars into a pocket. 'When I don't really want the story to go on as in canon - like with Bianchi - it does. But then when something different _does _end up happening, it has to be something like this?'

She sighed mentally, eyeing the strongest fighter in Namimori Middle School. 'Oh well, nothing I can do about it.' she resigned herself to a fight, reaching for the ever-present Meteor Hammer wrapped around her waist under her shirt. A grudgingly excited glint appeared in her own eyes. 'I suppose I could use a workout anyway. And Hibari will be a good measure of my strength level.'

Hibari observed the new prey in front of him. She moved like a well-oiled machine, and handled her weapon with the ease of constant, extensive use. He felt a hint of intrigue accompanying the usual anticipation of beating someone. This might actually be interesting.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: And the fight is on! I hope you enjoy the violence - though I'm not sure how good I am at writing fight scenes. Please enjoy the newest installment of Keeping Your Character! Oh, and thank you all for voting in the pairing poll - even though it's not definite that I'll pair up Lambo with the winner, it's nice to know all of your opinions! Just so you know - Mukuro is in first place, followed by Reborn, Hibari and then Xanxus. I feel like you guys have good taste, 'cause they're mostly my favorites too! (The ones I removed from the choices were the least popular - I feel kinda sorry for them)

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Keeping Your Character - Chapter Eleven

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Lambo dodged yet another scarily quick and powerful attack from Hibari. The hard edge of his tonfa dented the metal railing of the roof as his swing continued with its momentum after missing her ribs. Despite his attacks missing, Hibari only seemed to get more excited with each passing moment - eager to be fighting a more worthwhile opponent than his usual fare.

'Sometimes, I think he might cause more damage to his school during his fights than anyone else actually does,' Lambo mused with a sweat-drop, but quickly turned her attention back to the fight when one of his tonfa grazed her shoulder. Rapidly twirling one end of her Meteor Hammer, she smirked as she let loose with an attack of her own. The plain, solid steel sphere currently affixed to the end of the cable smashed into the concrete roofing at Hibari's feet. He nimbly avoided it, black coat flapping like wings with his swift movements, and managed to keep his footing when part of the roof caved in.

Thankfully, there was no one currently in the room beneath them, but at this point, neither of them would've cared much. They were having too much fun.

"You're good," he stated, a predator's smile appearing on his deceptively delicate-looking face as he raced forward to hit her yet again. His eyes were widened with battle-lust and eagerness.

Lambo blinked in surprise, pulling her cable taut to block the next tonfa blow aimed at her clavicle. "Same to you," she said honestly. He definitely was one of the better fighters she had encountered - even including the mafia members she had met during the past five years as the Black Sheep. And wasn't that a bit scary, considering her was only a middle-school student.

But really, that was the reason she was sure she would be able to win against him at this point - Hibari was still rather young and inexperienced - especially when up against opponents that weren't weaklings - despite his raw talent. He didn't think much before acting on his impulses, and though he had a lot of sheer power, speed, and battle instincts, he would let his pride get the better of him. Of course, if she was fighting against his TYL self, that would be an entirely different matter.

Still, she was fighting his present, sixteen year-old self, so she had the advantage.

So with a practiced flick of her wrist, she had wrapped the end of her cable around one of his tonfa, and another flick had it yanked from his hand and into hers. His eyes widened in slight anger, and even more interest as she tossed the tonfa into the hole she had made in the roof. Moving quickly while he was still a bit surprised from the loss of a weapon, she threw one end of her Meteor Hammer past one side of Hibari, and rushed forward toward his other side. She dodged behind him, and caught the part she had thrown, before yanking back on both ends, causing the middle of the cable to pull around his upper arms, constricting them to his torso. A small green spark danced around her fingers, Solidifying the cable into a sturdy restraint, and she quickly backed away from him as he lashed out with a violent kick.

Hibari grunted in frustration at the immobility of his arms. He tested the strength of the cable and finding it unbreakable at the moment, he quickly adapted, shifting his center of gravity so it was better suited to a leg-based style.

However, he was much more used to attacking with his arms, and as such, his kicks were weaker and less smooth than his blows with his tonfa. Lambo grabbed his ankle with both hands, firmly halting his shiny black shoe a few inches away from her face. She gave it a brutal twist, and since Hibari was balanced on only one leg, it was a simple matter to make him unsteady, causing him to crash to the ground on his back.

She quickly moved to sit on his stomach, breathing slightly strained as she leaned forward to pin his legs straight out on the concrete surface of the roof. She twisted her torso around to look down and behind her at his face. Her eyes caught how tight her Meteor Hammer was around his chest and upper arms, and winced slightly at how nasty it must feel to have the cable underneath him digging into his back. He certainly looked pissed - though that could be because she was sitting on him.

Of course, as her inner fangirl made sure to mention, he looked kind of cute when he was pissed - but that kind of thinking was better saved for a time when he wasn't in close proximity, and probably itching to rip her face off. And she made a note to keep that in mind when encountering bishies in the future as well - especially considering how many there were in the Reborn Universe.

"Get off of me, hitsuji," (A/N: Japanese for 'sheep') he ordered in a menacingly low voice. His already narrow eyes squinted even further in a glare.

"Not unless you give me your word to not attack me once I do," she told him plainly, slightly bemused at the name he was calling her. 'Perhaps I shouldn't have worn this jacket today… Though I suppose it's better than being called an herbivore,' she thought to herself with a sweat-drop as she remembered she was wearing a sleeveless white jacket with small horns on the hood, and a tiny sheep tail on the back.

She continued to talk, "To continue fighting right now would be troublesome, and only result in more property damage." 'Not to mention if I have to resort to full out beating you, you might end up having the obsession to defeat me that would otherwise be aimed at Muku-tan,' she thought with another sweat-drop. 'And I'd rather have him be the one to deal with it.'

Hibari continued to glare at her for a moment, as if the thought of stopping mid-fight was insulting. Still, he could acknowledge that this strange person was correct in her assumption that continuing the battle right then would only result in more damage to Namimori.

"My word," he stated grudgingly, wanting the irritating restraint off of his arms. And the girl off of his stomach.

Lambo raised an eyebrow at him, before getting off of his stomach. She reached down to help him up - a possibly difficult thing for him, given that his arms were restrained - but he ignored her in favor of rolling onto his knees and standing on his own from there.

She walked behind him, ignoring the way his head turned to keep her in his sights, and canceled the Solidification on her Meteor Hammer. She easily coiled it around her waist - this time on the outside, so it appeared almost as a bulky belt. She turned to walk away from the scene of the fight, wanting comfort food and good tea from Nana more than ever.

'That was kind of a scary fight,' she thought to herself. 'He came close to breaking bones once or twice. Still, I'm impressed with his ability.' An enthusiastic glint appeared in her eyes. 'I almost can't wait to see what heights that raw potential will take him in person - it'll be so much different from seeing it on a screen or a page.'

Hibari watched his latest opponent depart with a sharp eye, rubbing absently at his upper arms. What a peculiar technique. He yawned, before stowing away his remaining tonfa, and lying down on the roof a few feet away from the recently made hole. He pulled his cellphone, calling one of his Disciplinary Committee members about fixing the damage to the roof and railing - and retrieving his fallen tonfa.

He looked up at the clouds with a small frown. 'The next time I see that hitsuji, I'm going to bite her to death for daring to restrain me - and not finishing the fight.' An anticipatory smirk grew on his face at the thought of actually seeing her full range of skill as opposed to the glimpse he had just caught. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

By the time she reached the Sawada household (and received a cup of Earl Grey from Nana), Tsuna had surprisingly already made it back from school.

'Did the fight really take that long?' Lambo thought to herself in mild surprise. '…I guess time really does fly when you're having fun.'

Once in Tsuna's room, and seated at her usual spot on his bed, she turned directly to Reborn. "Hey Reborn, do you know anything about the Head Prefect at Nami-Middle?" she asked him, somewhat curious if Reborn had any information that she didn't already know about Hibari.

Tsuna stiffened in horror, nearly dropping the manga eh was currently reading at the mention of the dreaded Head of the Disciplinary Committee.

"Not much, at the moment. Just that his name is Hibari Kyoya," Reborn admitted freely from his perch on Tsuna's desk. "Why do you ask?"

Lambo was slightly surprised that Reborn hadn't taken much notice of Hibari yet - but she supposed getting Tsuna into so many unusual situations must take up a lot of his time. "Because when I went to Nami-Middle to watch Bianchi try to kill Tsuna," she told him, ignoring Tsuna's shriek of indignation, "He attacked me for trespassing." She gave off a disgruntled pout as she took a sip of her tea.

Tsuna watched them in shock, astonished at the conversation - and the lack of bruises on Lambo's skin, considering she had just admitted to having a violent encounter with Hibari. 'Is she really that strong?' he asked himself. '…or maybe she just has great running away skills? I didn't see her at all when Bianchi appeared.'

"Hm?" Reborn asked curiously as he stroked Leon, not even bothered at the mention of her being attacked - she could handle herself, after all. "He must be something special for you to have mentioned him," he prompted her.

Lambo sat up slightly as she went over the fight in her head. "He's got a lot of raw talent, Reborn. He's better than a lot of Mafioso I've… encountered over the years," she told the small hitman with a smirk. "And he has almost limitless room for improvement."

"Oh really?" Reborn blinked his black pits at her, a hint of interest hiding in their depths. 'For the Black Sheep to say something like that with all the people she's taken in… This kid must be very good.'

Lambo faltered slightly as the image of a Reborn-owl popped into her head, saying 'O RLY?' 'Okay… that's just kind of creepy,' she thought to herself.

She shook it off with a slight shudder and got back on subject. "Still, he's got a few things he could work on - like thinking a bit more before acting on his impulses. It was pretty easy to pin him down once I did something unexpected," she confessed.

Tsuna stared at her. '…I never realized that Lambo was such a scary person,' he thought nervously. 'To be capable of restraining Hibari-san…' He was suddenly thankful that all she had done was poke at him verbally, and put worms in his pillow.

"He's got a lot of pride, too," Lambo added thoughtfully. "Both in his school, and himself. But you and I know that could be a strength _or_ a weakness."

Reborn hummed contemplatively. "I'll keep this in mind. Good job, Lambo," he complimented, evil tutor thoughts already whirring away with plots to have his student encounter, and unknowingly 'test' this Hibari-person.

"Oh, and he's kind of cute," Lambo stated with a smirk as she trained her eyes on Tsuna's expression. It was always entertaining to what faces he made in response to her comments.

Reborn raised a small eyebrow at her. Tsuna's jaw nearly dropped to the floor. '…cute?'

"He's got this weird little catchphrase, too," Lambo remarked. "About 'biting people to death'. If he's not careful, someone with a perverted mind might take that the wrong way."

'You mean like you?' Tsuna screamed inwardly, trying not to think of the different connotations of Hibari's customary death threat.

Tsuna shuddered as he resolutely turned his attention back toward his manga. He had a bad feeling about his two 'demon mafia stalkers' taking an interest in the scary head prefect. Still, he pushed it out of his mind - after all, it's not like he would ever have to fight the guy if he kept head down, right? Somehow, the thought didn't reassure him at all.

* * *

The day next, Reborn and Lambo were lounging about in Tsuna's room like usual. Reborn was seated comfortably on the floor, indulging in some summer-style noodles and wearing a yukata with a fan tucked into the obi. Lambo, on the other hand, was sprawled out on the bed, reading one of Tsuna's manga as she nibbled on a stick of pocky - though she was also wearing a yukata. Thankfully, the air-conditioning had been fixed the other day, so they weren't overheating in the summer swelter.

Lambo suddenly paused in her reading, a jolt of unease trickling down her spine. She sat up from her position on her back, setting aside the manga. "Reborn," she said as looked at the baby with wariness. "Why do I get the feeling that you've done something I won't like?" 'It feels like someone just injected ice water into my spinal cord.'

Reborn smirked at her, before swallowing his mouthful of noodles. "I have no idea why you might think that Lambo," he informed her nonchalantly. "What could I do that you wouldn't like?" he asked with all the innocence of an angel - an angel with noodles hanging from his mouth.

Lambo examined the small hitman, a niggling thought working its way up from her subconscious. Her eyes widened as she realized what was going to happen soon. With a look of dawning horror, she vanished into the closet, just as Tsuna opened the door.

Tsuna sighed in relief as the marginally cooler air of his room gushed against his warm face. His face morphed into stunned incredulity as he spotted his tutor.

'He's totally indulging in the Japanese summer, isn't he?' he asked himself resignedly. 'Where did he even get the noodles?'

"I have some for you too," a freakishly familiar voice suddenly declared from behind him.

Tsuna shrieked in fear, jumping away from the doorway, only to trip and collapse on the floor. He whipped around to face the person in the doorway.

"Eat up," Bianchi ordered, holding out a distinctly toxic-looking bowl of… something. It looked a bit like a mash up of small, dead animals, making Tsuna shudder at the thought of actually eating it. Actually, Tsuna thought he could see a _live_ worm wiggling through it.

He gave an even more pronounced shudder, remembering the worms in his pillowcase.

"Bianchi! What are you doing here?" he screamed in understandable terror - after all, the same woman had just tried to kill him… well, yesterday.

"For Love," Bianchi said, gracefully sitting on folded knees next to Reborn on the floor.

"For work," Reborn contradicted her.

"Reborn needs me," Bianchi stated in obvious delight.

"I thought about getting her to tutor you part-time," Reborn told Tsuna.

'They've completely misunderstood each other!' Tsuna thought in astonishment. '…and hasn't Reborn said that I don't need any other tutor? Does this mean he's doing this for his own amusement?'

"Why are you suddenly bringing up this tutor stuff now, anyway?" he asked Reborn in indignation. "You hardly do any of that yourself! And besides that, this woman is trying to kill me with her Poison Cooking! Or have you suddenly forgotten?"

Bianchi chuckled slightly behind a delicate hand. "You're such a kid, concerning yourself with something like that," she told Tsuna condescendingly. "What I'm working on now is Poison Cooking II - with twice the kill rate," she stated casually.

"I want you out of here - now!" Tsuna yelled in shock and horror at the thought of even worse techniques coming from her.

Bianchi nonchalantly walked toward the door. "I'll be teaching you in Art and Home Economics," she told him as she closed the door behind her. "We'll be having an experiment in Home Economics, so I'll be preparing in the kitchen."

Tsuna clutched at his head in sheer panic. "At this rate, it'll only be a matter of time until I get killed!" he shrieked in alarm.

Lambo poked her head out from the closet, watching her charge spazz out.

"Reborn, do something!" he whined ineffectually - Reborn only continued to slurp at his bowl of noodles.

His imminent breakdown was interrupted by a call from downstairs. "Tenth!" a voice shouted cheerfully.

'Not him too!' Tsuna thought miserably, even as he made his reluctant trek down the stairs.

Lambo stayed in his room, not particularly wanting to go anywhere near the kitchen at the moment - even if she did kind of want to see Gokudera spazzing out at the sight of his sibling. 'I suppose I can't really blame him for being repulsed by _Bianchi_, though.' she thought snidely.

She still had yet to think up a solution to Bianchi's 'I KEEL YOU' thing. While she could place some small illusions to change her appearance, it would be a pain to keep them up for a long time - especially with how much Bianchi appeared in the story. And Bianchi would definitely recognize her if she just wore a normal disguise - which would be very bad, not only because she would attempt to kill Lambo, but because she would most likely cause damage to Nana's house.

Lambo sighed slightly as she watched Reborn leave to watch the commotion. 'I get the feeling I'm going to be stuck in Tsuna's closet a lot,' she thought to herself. 'At least until Reborn tells her to go get him some eel.'

She heard a squelchy smashing noise from downstairs - presumably Gokudera dropping his gift for Tsuna. "I want watermelon now," she complained to the empty room.

* * *

*~~~~OMAKE~~~~*

"It's the corner you've all been waiting for!" A peppy voice exclaims from the stage. "Haru's HaruHaru Dangerous Interview!" The speaker is a petite brown-haired girl, dressed in a puffy yellow and pink dress, with her hair tied in a ponytail.

Reborn, sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the stage, sips at his espresso. "You haven't even been introduced yet, Haru," he comments in a bored voice. "So why would they be waiting for this?"

The girl jolts, before a panicked grimace - apparently supposed to be a smile - appears on her face as she tries to ignore the baby's words. "A-anyway, today, Haru's guest today is someone I'm sure you've all been curious about - Lambo-san!"

Jazzy music begins to play from hidden speakers as a large box is lowered from the ceiling. Inside is Lambo, head resting heavily against her folded arms, which were leaning on the front rail of her enclosure.

"Welcome, Lambo-san!" Haru greets cheerily.

Lambo says nothing, breathing in and out peacefully.

Haru stares at her guest, slightly dismayed. "Ah… Lambo-san?"

Lambo ignores her again.

"She's asleep," Reborn comments bluntly.

Haru jolts again, not sure whether to just be bemused, or offended.

"Lambo, you're on!" Reborn chucks his now empty cup at the bounty hunter's head.

Lambo awakes with a small huff of air as the projectile collides on target, absently rubbing her head as she looks around. "Where am I…?" she asks blankly, turning to address her fellow Tsuna-bully.

Haru stares at her, absolutely stunned.

"Haru's interviewing you," Reborn states to his fellow hitman, not quite answering her question.

"Oh." Lambo turns to the younger girl. "What?"

Haru snaps out of her shock at the blunt query, and pulls out a small queue card. "Ummm… So, Lambo-san, in addition to being Tsuna-san's bodyguard, you're also the famous bounty hunter, Black Sheep, correct?" she asks with slight trepidation.

Lambo stares at her, spaced out slightly.

"Ah… Lambo-san?" Haru tries to prod her guest into conversation.

"…you know, I've never heard my nickname said in Japanese until now," Lambo tells her matter-of-factly, an odd look crossing her face.

"…"Kuro Hitsuji?" Haru clarifies.

"It makes me want to say, 'I'm one hell of a bounty hunter.'," Lambo says pensively, eyes shining slightly with fangirl-spazziness.

Haru stares at her in bafflement.

"I kinda think I'd suck as a butler, though," Lambo rambles slightly as she leans lazily against the side rail of her box. "Especially with a bratty kid like Ciel ordering me around."

There is a silence as Lambo continues musing to herself about demon butlers, and Haru stands there in befuddlement.

"Isn't the show's time up?" Reborn asks suddenly, drinking from a second cup of espresso he pulled from nowhere.

Haru jolts, shaking her head back into focus. "Ah, yes!" she realizes as she turns toward the camera, "Please watch Haru's Haru-Haru Dangerous Interview again next time!"

"I don't really think I look like a 'Sebastian', though - do I, Reborn?" Lambo asks as the camera goes black.

* * *

A/N:... Did anyone get the omake? I hope so. Anyway, I tried to make this chapter more than just a retelling of the canon storyline, so I hope you all noticed the fact that the majority of it was original scenes~!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I've heard that some of you have been looking forward to a confrontation between Bianchi and Lambo, right? Well, I hope you like it then. I have to thank you guys for the reviews I've been getting - I really enjoy reading all the feedback!

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Twelve

* * *

Lambo stared blankly at the two morons in front of her from her seat on a beach chair. They were currently congregated in the Sawada's front yard, and Reborn stood next to her, clad in a bathing suit. The hitman was toweling himself off, having just got out of the kiddy pool that was set up.

While she was wildly approving of the boys' goal to rid Namimori of pest known as Bianchi, she didn't exactly think they had the right way of going about it. She shook her head in slight disappointment. Gokudera was so smart he was stupid sometimes, and Tsuna… well he was just plain stupid.

"What," she stated blankly in response to their ludicrous request of her.

Tsuna flinched at his bodyguard's flat response, vividly remembering the fact that she had gone up against _Hibari_ and come out unharmed. "W-well… you look just like Bianchi's ex-boyfriend…" he trailed off uncertainly.

"And thus, for the sake of the Tenth, you should do your duty to help get her out of town!" Gokudera butted in rudely. He threateningly fingered a lighter as he glared at her. He obviously still didn't trust her one iota - especially with the safety of Tsuna.

Lambo continued to stare at them for a moment, before returning her attention to her manga. "No." 'They want me - a person Bianchi hates, to pose as Romeo - another person Bianchi hates? Idiots,' she thought uncharitably as Reborn hopped up onto the lawn chair next to her, Leon morphing into a pair of sunglasses for him.

Gokudera looked about to start throwing dynamite, so Tsuna hurriedly intervened before his yard could become toast.

"Look, Lambo-san, I know that Bianchi hates-" Tsuna tried to reason with his bodyguard.

"No," Lambo stated bluntly, not even bothering to look up from her manga. She passed Reborn a glass of cool lemonade from the small table in between their chairs.

Gokudera gave a full body twitch in pure rage as she interrupted his beloved boss. He reflexively reached for an explosive, but had a rare moment of conscientiousness - namely, he was at his boss's house and didn't want to destroy it in the process of blowing the rude person in front of him into small, fleshy chunks of gore. So he searched his rather large brain for another way to gain vengeance on the so-called 'bodyguard'. He looked pained for a moment as conflicting thoughts warred in his mind.

Finally, with great reluctance, he came to a decision, and cupped his hands around his mouth. Before Tsuna could even ask what he was doing, the bomber yelled, "Hey, Big Sis, there's something out here you should see! Come out to the front yard!" 'It's purely to avenge the Tenth's honor - no matter what may happen to me!' he thought zealously, even as his stomach preemptively gurgled in repulsion at the thought of his sister.

Tsuna froze in horror as he looked back and forth from his 'right hand man' to his 'bodyguard'. 'No, Gokudera-kun! You shouldn't have done that!'

A tangible aura of absolute malice began to emit from Lambo's body as she raised her head to glare at the bomber. There weren't exactly any closets where she could hide from Bianchi in the front yard. She reached for the Meteor Hammer wrapped around her waist.

'I'm totally going to start putting pictures of Bianchi in his locker at Namimori,' she thought sinisterly as the front door began to open. 'And maybe a bit more…'

"I don't like being ordered to do anything, Hayato - but since it's you, I'll comply with your request just this once." Bianchi stated calmly as she pushed the door open. She froze completely as she saw the other girl sitting nonchalantly in a lawn chair - next to Reborn, no less.

"You…" she muttered hatefully, an ominous shadow covering her eyes from view.

Gokudera slumped to the ground, foaming at the mouth from the sight of his sister's face - but at this point, no one really cared, except for Tsuna. Of course, Tsuna fretted about everything, so he didn't count.

"You're the one who tried to steal Reborn from me!" Bianchi screeched in apoplectic rage, her hair resembling angry tentacles as it writhed frantically in the air around her head. "And now you dare to go anywhere near him!"

Lambo stared blankly at the pink-haired hitwoman. She had given up long ago to try and explain things rationally - seeing as logic and common sense seemed to slide right off Bianchi's thick skull. So she went with the only option left - taking potshots at Bianchi. She had made an art form out of it over the years - and though she didn't particularly care about 'winning Reborn's affections', she had found that mentioning him was the best way to get Bianchi's goat.

"Says the obsessive stalker who wouldn't know rejection if it slapped her in the face wearing nothing but a leopard-print thong." Lambo said placidly, still keeping her eyes on the manga, though her arm was primed to release the cable of her weapon. "I'm surprised Reborn hasn't gotten a restraining order to keep your creepy self away from him," she smirked snidely.

'Seriously though, I'm surprised Reborn hasn't,' she thought to herself, mystified. 'Though I suppose his man-ego gets much needed inflation from her lavish attentions - considering all he usually gets is adoring coos because of his baby form. Then again, said form also comes with the advantage of occasionally being hugged against women's chests because they don't know he's got the mentality of a grown man…'

Tsuna panicked from his worried position of kneeling beside Gokudera's prone form as Bianchi practically vibrated with rage. He almost fainted in terror at the sheer intent to kill the two females were radiating. "Do something, Reborn!" he cried in desperation as he turned toward his tutor. He nearly fell over as he saw the tiny hitman nonchalantly sipping at his fruit drink as he watched the verbal catfight. 'He won't lift a finger!' Tsuna thought in shocked dread, anime tears running down his face.

"I told you I'm popular with women, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn declared with his usual smug smile. "They even fight over me."

'You're crazy!' Tsuna thought in dismay as he thought about the sheer violence that was about to take place. '..and I really hope that Lambo-san didn't hear you say that, or it'll just get even worse…' he thought as he remembered Lambo's incredulously furious face as she recounted Bianchi's delusions about her 'trying to steal Reborn'. He nearly sighed in relief as Lambo gave no reaction to his tutor's words. She hadn't heard his arrogant claim. Of course, he only _nearly_ sighed in relief - because the two mafia women were still most likely going to have a vicious brawl in his _front yard_.

"You aren't worthy of being anywhere near Reborn-darling!" Bianchi shrieked like a banshee, taking a threatening step forward as she pulled a dish of… something out of nowhere. "Reborn needs someone with skill and status by his side! You're just a no-name, second-rate mafioso - absolutely nothing compared to me!"

Lambo sighed with mock long-suffering, setting down her manga and placing a dismayed hand against the side of her head. "What is it with you and your brother assuming my unworthiness?" she asked rhetorically as she stood gracefully from her chair. "Maybe there's something bad in your gene pool that makes you all asses?" (A/N: You know - when you assume, it makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'?)

Bianchi threw the acidic broth at her opponent. Lambo dodged, and it hit the chair behind her, dissolving it within second, and killing the grass it dripped down onto.

"If you're going to be like that," Lambo began intensely, eyes wide with bloodthirst, "Perhaps you should see firsthand how 'unworthy' I actually am, ne?" she grinned maliciously.

Tsuna whimpered internally as he saw the eager-for-violence expression on his bodyguard's face. 'She's definitely scarier than I thought at first!' He thought miserably as he ineffectually tried to tug Gokudera's unconscious body away from the probable battlefield. 'It just takes her not being able to run away from the problem for her to show it!'

Bianchi pounced on the 'challenge for her love' without a second thought, rapidly tossing several toxic dishes at her 'rival'. "Poison Cooking II!" she exclaimed savagely.

Lambo laughed mockingly as she easily dodged the slow-moving projectiles. The noxious cuisine splashed, or 'glorped' as they hit the ground, some simply killing the grass, others eating away deep cavities into the earth. Surprisingly, they all missed hitting Tsuna, who was currently a sitting duck as he tried to drag Gokudera out of the crossfire. Unsurprisingly, they all mysteriously missed Reborn, who simply kept sipping at his lemonade as he watched the deadly fight like it was a sporting event.

"Who, exactly, is the unworthy one?" Lambo asked sardonically, directing a taunting grin at the Poison Scorpion. "You can't even hit a 'second-rate, no-name Mafioso', was it? - With your best technique!"

Bianchi's eyes sparked with rage, and she suddenly produced a large platter the size of her own torso out of nowhere - it as covered in something that looked as if it had been dead for a few weeks, and then buried in a mound of compost for a month before it was unearthed again. "Die, Bitch!" she roared in fury as she heaved the large, lethal dish at Lambo.

Even as she heard Tsuna shrieking in terror in the background, Lambo simply leered challengingly as she loosened part of the cable wrapped snugly around her arm. She began to twirl the end rapidly, until it resembled the high-speed blades of an electric fan. The dish crashed into the revolving cable, and was knocked aside as if blocked by a solid shield.

The poison splashed harmlessly (except for the grass…) to the ground in front of her, and Lambo smirked condescendingly at her opponent, completely unscathed by the dangerous attack. Bianchi breathed heavily like an aggravated rhino, while Tsuna heaved a sigh of relief that someone hadn't just died on his front lawn.

Lambo sprinted forward as she went on the offensive, uncoiling her weapon completely as she moved - uncurling it into a straight line. With a spark of energy, the cable had been transformed into a double-headed staff - Lambo pulled it back, before brutally slamming the end into Bianchi's stomach. The pink-haired woman doubled over at the force of the blow, gagging on her own bile.

"Oh?" Lambo asked in amusement, though she never stopped moving, whipping her staff around again to crash into Bianchi's back. "I bet this is the first time that _you've_ been the one heaving up your last meal after a fight, isn't it?"

Bianchi, who had collapsed onto the ground with the second hit, managed to raise her head to give a death glare to Lambo. Said bounty hunter responded promptly by smashing the steel sphere on the end of her staff into the Scorpion's nose.

Bianchi was down for the count.

There was a profound silence with the ending of the fight, Tsuna staring in shock at the ruthless take down his bodyguard had executed. Lambo exhaled quietly, before stashing away her weapon, and walking back to her lawn chair. She sat down casually, before picking her manga back up and starting to read again. However, upon reaching for her glass of lemonade that had been placed on the nearby table, she was met with thin air.

Lambo looked over, only to pout as she saw Reborn sipping at a second glass of lemonade, his first one standing empty on the table. He looked utterly indifferent to the fact that his biggest devotee was lying, beaten unconscious, only a couple yards away.

"Did you have to take my glass, too?" she asked sulkily. "You should know that a battle makes one thirsty."

"You should have finished sooner, then," Reborn told her unrepentantly, slurping at his pilfered drink.

Tsuna sweat-dropped at their totally uncaring attitudes. 'Though I suppose I can't really blame them. Bianchi's attention, whether negative or positive, only seems to cause trouble,' he reflected to himself. He caught a glimpse of Gokudera out of the corner of his eye. 'And that just proves my point.' he thought with yet another sweat-drop as he observed his 'subordinate's' comatose body.

Lambo crossed her arms huffily, glaring off into thin air. 'It isn't fair that someone that difficult should invoke the same emotional response as a fluffy little kitten whenever I see him,' she thought grumpily as she considered Reborn. 'I mean, even if he looks cute enough to cuddle, I still know that he'd probably blow my brains out if I gave into the urge to squeeze him until the soulless pits passing for his eyes popped out of his little skull.'

Her glare deepened, unknowingly unnerving Tsuna, who was caught in the beam. 'And I can't even get myself another glass of lemonade since Bianchi's been in the kitchen all this time - who knows what she's done to all the edible stuff in there?'

Suddenly, her thought processes stopped dead, caught on a single idea that had just popped up. "Ah!" Lambo exclaimed dully, a fist plopping into her open palm. "I forgot about that."

"Huh?" Tsuna twitched nervously at her words.

"I could have avoided that whole fight," she stated ponderingly, cupping her chin as she mused, completely ignoring Tsuna.

Tsuna gaped at her in incredulity. 'So why didn't you!' he screamed inwardly, bemoaning the fate of his poor lawn - apparently a completely needless tragedy. At the moment, however, he was a bit too scared to actually yell at her, lest she make him barf up his lunch as well.

Suddenly, a puff of lurid pink smoke engulfed Lambo's body. As it slowly faded away, Tsuna could make out the silhouette of a Reborn-sized figure. When the smoke had completely disappeared, the poor, confused middle-schooler's jaw nearly dislocated as it dropped.

Sitting on the lawn chair was a tiny, babyish version of the fifteen-year-old that was formerly sitting there. She had all the same features, even if her clothing was completely different - being dressed in what looked like a sheep cosplay. She looked to be around five years old.

"Wha-What..?" Tsuna stuttered dazedly, totally baffled by her change in age.

Reborn ignored his student completely, suddenly much more attentive to the bounty hunter seated next to him. 'I didn't know she could look _younger_,' he thought with intrigue. 'What an unfortunate gap in my information. She looks almost like one of the Arcobaleno…'

"It's been so long since I've used this form," Lambo commented conversationally as she examined her costumed appearance. "I think it was a year or two ago - when I had to sneak into that Nativity play to assassinate one of the wise men." 'Does the universe conspire to have me dressed as a sheep?' she wondered absentmindedly.

'Isn't that blasphemous?' Tsuna thought with a detached sense of horror, even as he continued to stare in utter disbelief. '…And is that actually Lambo?' he asked himself

"I can't believe I forgot about this," Lambo said, leaning back to continue reading her manga - completely unbothered by the fact that she was dressed in a lamb costume. "After all, Bianchi wouldn't equate a five-year-old little girl with the person she saw talking with Reborn."

'Actually, I feel kind of like an idiot,' she thought inwardly with a sweat-drop as she flipped to her previous page. 'I got myself all worked up over Bianchi's presence when it was this easy to avoid her.' Lambo sighed in slight frustration with herself. 'I need to remember to go over all my skills at least once a week so I don't forget them when they could be useful like this.'

"Plus, there's also the fact that this form is so useful for weaseling my way out of sticky situations," she mused aloud. "And getting free candy from people."

Tsuna was suddenly not so shocked. 'It's definitely the same person,' he thought sullenly. 'Mooching off of people like that…' Memories of when she had coerced him into buying her a drink and a fan on a hot day flitted through his mind.

Lambo suddenly turned a sharp eye toward Tsuna, setting down her manga once more as a new thought occurred to her. He stiffened under her gaze, feeling like a tiny bunny cornered by a hawk. He noticed that her eyes drifted upward to examine his hair.

'I want to know…' she thought pensively. 'His hair…'

Tsuna nearly shrieked as Lambo's small form launched itself from the lawn chair, the trajectory of the leap ending with his head as her target. He reflexively lifted his arms to shield his face - very used to getting kicked by Reborn. He was shocked, when instead of a tiny foot colliding forcefully with his face, he felt a light weight settle on top of his head.

'Huh?' he thought in confusion.

Lambo patted the veritable forest of fluffy brown hair around her with tiny hands. 'It really is as fluffy as it looks…' she thought with a slight smile.

"Hey Doormat-guy." she addressed her perch. He stiffened as he realized exactly what - or who - was causing the slight heaviness on top of his head. "Don't move around too much. Your hair is soft, so I'm going to take a nap," she told him bluntly.

'Because that's another thing this form is good for,' she thought to herself gleefully as Tsuna sweated nervously, standing stock-still. 'I can nap in so many new places…'

She wasn't aware of the piercing gaze directed at her by a certain Sun Arcobaleno as she pulled a few locks of hair over her body as a makeshift blanket. She then bunched a clump of brown fluff under her head for a pillow, and tried to drift off to sleep.

'If she had this ability hidden all this time,' Reborn thought contemplatively, hiding his pensive expression behind his appropriated lemonade glass, 'I wonder what other things about her I don't know of…'

Tsuna's thoughts were a bit more simple as he stood there - imitating a statue and sweating up a storm because of his anxiousness. 'Don't move. Don't move. She'll kill you if you wake her up, so don't move.' Was the mantra going through his head as he willed himself to ignore his slight thirst and nearly full bladder.

Gokudera wasn't really thinking at all, seeing that he was still out of commission and currently drooling on the grass. Unfortunately for him, after seeing his sister's face, he had also gotten a few fumes from her toxic weapons of choice - so he would be out for awhile longer. And his sibling was still unconscious as well.

Lambo stared with sleepy eyes at the two prone Italians. 'If I had the willpower to get up, I'd put Bianchi right in front of that stupid bomber. Then the first thing he'd see upon waking would be her face,' she thought drowsily, but maliciously. 'Jerk would deserve it for calling her down on me… Still, I'll definitely get my revenge.'

She drifted off into peaceful slumber - dreams of crushing giant, pink scorpions underfoot awaiting her.

* * *

The next day, Tsuna and company walked into Namimori Middle, chatting relatively peacefully considering Gokudera was part of 'company'.

"I can't believe after all that trouble, Bianchi just left town after Reborn told her he wanted some eel," Tsuna said with incredulous relief. 'That, and I can't believe she can't tell that the little girl hanging around the house is actually Lambo,' he mused with a sweat-drop. 'It's not like she even bothers to change her behavior at all.'

"Che, I can't believe that she's so stupid she doesn't realize the dumb sheep has been right under her nose the whole time," Gokudera scoffed callously, adjusting the cigarette in his mouth.

'Only you, Gokudera-kun,' Tsuna thought with a nervous grimace. 'You're the only person I know who would say something like that so plainly.'

Yamamoto tilted his head to the side, not really knowing what they were talking about.

They made a stop at each of their lockers, and upon getting to Gokudera's, Tsuna had a niggling feeling that something was wrong. He looked around warily, wondering if Reborn was about to do something to him, but his scanning of his surroundings was interrupted by a gurgling noise coming from Gokudera. Tsuna's head whipped around, only to see the bomber slump to the hallway floor, foaming at the mouth.

'What happened?' he shrieked inwardly.

"Hey Tsuna," Yamamoto called his friend with slight concern. "Do you think Gokudera's anemic? That could be why he fainted." The baseball player heaved a sigh. "He should have waited just a little longer - it looks like someone left a snack in his locker for him."

Tsuna turned to look inside the locker, only to recoil in disgust, instinctively pulling the edge of his shirt up over his nose. Sitting on the shelf was a small pot of bubbling, purple goop that was giving off rancid fumes. Looking closer, he saw a small piece of paper taped to the locker's door.

It read: 'Dear Gokudera, seeing as you were so eager to call your sister outside the other day, I figure that you must have missed her terribly. So to keep you company during school hours, I have pasted these pictures all over the places you regularly go.' Taped underneath it was a clear mugshot of Bianchi, directly facing the camera. 'Also, since I was feeling super-thoughtful, I searched the kitchen where she had been cooking, and found this dish for you - a taste of nostalgia. From me to you - L.'

'The vengeance of a scary person!' Tsuna whimpered inwardly, vowing to himself to never piss Lambo off. She'd probably find a way to embarrass him in the worst way possible - maybe even in front of Kyoko!

As the two still-conscious students began to carry their friend to the nurse's office, Lambo watched the scene with sadistic satisfaction. She was currently in her baby form - concealed in one of Reborn's hidey-holes in the hallway's wall. It was surprisingly comfortable, and smelled like coffee and gunpowder.

'I hope they put him in the bed on the right,' she thought to herself with a wicked chuckle. 'I put a picture of Bianchi on the ceiling above it.'

She hopped out of the tiny fort, and retreated from the school before Hibari could find her again - after all, he wasn't as dumb as Bianchi, and would most definitely notice she was the same person as the one he had fought. 'Then again…' Lambo thought with a sweat-drop, 'He might just not care either way and simply attack me on principle. And I don't really want to fight when there's absolutely no purpose.'

Whatever the case, she still left in a hurry. Nana and she were going to leave on their café crawl before lunchtime, and she wanted to have time to take a nice long bath before they left. After all, she had been forced to handle one of _Bianchi's_ dishes.

* * *

*~~~~OMAKE~~~~*

Bianchi meets Mini-Lambo

"Oh, who's this?" Bianchi asked with mild curiosity as she looked over the little girl in front of her.

"I'm Lambo," the newly young-looking bounty hunter introduced herself, not bothering to look at the pest as she rapidly pressed buttons on Tsuna's 'borrowed' DS.

Tsuna's head whipped up from his magazine, and he watched the scene with horror-filled eyes. 'What was the point of changing your form if you're just going to tell her who you are?' he shrieked inwardly. 'I don't want another fight to start in my room!'

Bianchi, however, gave no other reaction than to say, "It's nice that Reborn has friends his own size now." and then went back to the kitchen.

'Huh?' Tsuna thought in shocked relief, rubbing his neck. It was stiff from having to stay in the same position the entire time his bodyguard was napping on his head. 'She didn't realize it's her… But, does that mean…'

"It's a good thing Bianchi never bothered to learn my name," Lambo commented with boredom as she guided her character through the level.

'She hates you that much and doesn't even know your name?' Tsuna mentally yelled incredulously.

His only answer was the victory fanfare that played upon winning a stage.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: This one took a bit longer than the last couple. I guess the fount of inspiration is losing its geyser-esque pressure. Or it could just be that I was having problems with the manga chapter. Anyway, here it is - for your entertainment. (Though I don't really listen to that song…) Enjoy, and please review.

* * *

Keeping You Character - Chapter Thirteen

* * *

Lambo, though she didn't stick around for class hours, often walked with Reborn and Tsuna to school. Not only because it helped give her a vague schedule to follow (Necessary because she had gone years with no schedule whatsoever - she just continuously took on bounties, and slept and ate when she got tired or hungry.), but because during the course of the manga, many interesting things happened on the trip.

Currently, she was walking along the wall that edged the sidewalk Tsuna regularly used, directly following Reborn like a baby duck. Though, instead of waddling and eating chunks of bread, she was walking with an unusually coordinated gait, and sipping at a thermos of Earl Grey that Nana had given her when she came to pick up Tsuna. It most likely looked a bit absurd, but it probably would have been worse if she had still been wearing her tiny lamb suit. Instead, her diminutive form was clothed in the most sickeningly adorable, yet comfortable, garments she could find - namely some green denim suspender-shorts, overly big, white t-shirt.

Usually, she kept to her 'natural', fifteen-year-old form, instead of switching to baby-form. (Unless Bianchi was around.) Because while said child-form was good for napping and getting into small spaces, not only were her limbs too short to wield her weapon of choice, but the body certainly wasn't trained to the heights she had attained. And since her past forms were 'set in stone', as it were, she couldn't even train in her five-year-old form because it would make absolutely no difference. Given that she was a slightly paranoid type of person, she preferred to be in a form where she had the best chances of defending herself from potential threats.

Plus, it was also somewhat annoying to be treated with the cooing condescension that most people treated small children with - though that was sometimes useful for getting out of trouble.

Still, she made an exception for today. The child-form would most likely save her from a potential slapping - considering the person Tsuna was going to encounter.

Her head tilted to follow a certain house as they walked past, sharp eyes lingering on the upstairs bathroom window. It was where one Miura Haru habitually stood every day when they walked by. The girl wasn't there at the moment, but usually she never missed the chance to watch Reborn as he walked by - more often than not she was half-asleep and drooling toothpaste foam.

'Actually, now that I think of it,' Lambo thought to herself as she continued her relaxed balancing act on the fence, 'Haru kind of looks like a zombie like that… Maybe that's why she wants to hug Reborn as soon as she meets him - it's an excuse to get close to his head so she can crack open his skull and eat his brain out of the cranial bowl with a spork.' She nodded to herself decisively. 'I actually wouldn't be that surprised if zombies existed in this universe - there's already that one guy, Moretti I think, who pretty much qualifies as undead. After all, he wouldn't have to stop his pulse and breathing for that one technique if they are already nonexistent.'

She as pulled from her increasingly arbitrary thoughts as Reborn suddenly halted in front of her, and she was forced to stop before she ran into his back. That would have been bad, as Reborn was very choosy about who he let in his personal space - and she was pretty sure that she wasn't on the guest list for his personal bubble. She craned her neck to look around him, only to see Zombie-girl squatting on the fence in front of the hitman.

Tsuna was busy deliberately not looking at the girl, because with the position she was in, it would be very easy for him to accidentally see up her skirt. Considering his absolutely horrible luck, the girl would definitely notice if he did, and immediately try to kill him.

"My name is Miura Haru," Haru stated with a deep blush on her face. "I've seen you walk by on this fence every school day for a while now. Your name is Reborn, right?"

'Wow, what a major stalker,' Lambo thought with a sweat-drop. 'Reborn seems to attract those types, huh?' Nightmarish visions of Bianchi danced through her mind.

"Will you be my friend?" Haru asked bashfully, yet bluntly, looking at the home tutor with imploring eyes.

"Sure," Reborn said with his usual nonchalance.

'Reborn, you shouldn't act cool around stalker-types,' Lambo thought with a mental face palm as she sat down on the fence top to watch the show. 'It just encourages them.'

Haru swooned in sheer delight at the positive answer, nearly falling from her perch to the hard pavement of the sidewalk as she gave a small squeal of joy. Instead, she twisted flexibly in mid air, and landed in a crouched position. Reborn hopped down onto the sidewalk as well, standing next to Tsuna who was watching the whole affair in his customary state of incredulity.

'Too bad she didn't go 'splat' on the pavement,' Lambo considered with sheer academic interest, observing the scene from above as she took another sip of her tea. 'It would have been interesting to see if she could just snap her neck back into place if it broke - things like that don't usually affect zombies for long.'

"That's wonderful!" Haru exclaimed with glee, her creepy pedo-blush spreading over her cheeks. "Now, Reborn-chan, if it isn't too forward of me, can you give me a biiiiiig hug, like this?" she demonstrated by squeezing her own arms around her torso - like the standard position of someone in a straightjacket.

Lambo thought the allusion to her being a nut job somewhat fitting. 'Calling him '-chan'… and then straight out asking to violate his personal space… Maybe this is why zombies are constantly searching to consume the brains of others - because they have none of their own.'

"Don't touch me so easily," Reborn said threateningly, whipping out one of his guns. "'Cause I'm a hitman."

'So does that mean all hitmen have highly selective personal bubbles?' Lambo pondered to herself. '…that can't be, because Lussuria exists. Then again, maybe he is discerning in that he only goes for the male, muscly and deceased. I know that I myself have a personal bubble just as bad as Reborn's…'

Haru stared at the object of her affections in shock.

Tsuna, on the other hand, was a bit more used to Reborn's particular brand of eccentricity. "N-now Reborn, don't go saying things like that in plain daylight!" he exclaimed nervously, not exactly wanting this new, albeit crazy, girl to be sucked into mafia matters as well.

Before the poor student could say anything else to scold his tutor, he was interrupted by a palm colliding heavily with his cheek.

"You bastard! What have you been teaching him? Assassination techniques?" Haru yelled in anger. "Babies are angels with pure white hearts!" she continued to rant. "Are you destroying that lovely pureness with your rotten corruption?" she demanded, grabbing at his collar threateningly.

Tsuna was understandably shocked. After all, Reborn was the one trying to corrupt _him_.

Lambo, on the other hand, nearly snorted out tea as she held in her laughter. 'Reborn? Pure? That's like saying Satan is just a poor, misunderstood little angel! Unless she's referring to the pureness of his resolve, or something - that's the only thing I can call 'pure' about him.'

"And not only that, but Reborn-chan's friend will be corrupted if she stays with you too! Who would leave the responsibility of two innocent children in your horrible, tainted hands?" Haru shouted in his face, shaking him back and forth by her grip on his shirt.

"He looks like a bobblehead," Lambo commented from her seat on the wall, small legs kicking rhythmically through the air - she was definitely glad she had the foresight to switch to her younger form, to be seen as a 'victim' instead of a 'corrupter'. Reborn nodded with his usual smirk, watching the little quarrel with the air of someone at the movies.

"W-wait a second!" Tsuna desperately tried to appease the apparently psycho girl that was throttling him. "I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding!"

"What exactly do you think I'm misunderstanding?" Haru scowled at him, yanking roughly on his tie.

"I didn't teach him any assassination techniques!" Tsuna cried, looking a bit nauseous from the rapid jerking of his head.

"You liar!" Haru yelled. "I see you with him almost every day - you're his big brother, aren't you?"

"We're not siblings!" Tsuna shouted back in response to her harassment.

"Then you're an even bigger bastard!" Haru shrieked with renewed ire. "Turning someone else's baby into a devil!"

'She's just not listening to a word I say!' Tsuna groaned mentally, sure that his brain was rattling from all the shaking.

Lambo, reading his thoughts from his expression, couldn't help but think, 'Now you know something about what it's like to be on the receiving end of ignorant hate from Bianchi… Maybe this'll teach you to not try to get me to play 'bait' to lure that psycho away.'

"Listen you! You're not going to see Reborn-chan or his friend any longer!" Haru commanded, nearly prodding his face with a threatening finger. "You're too much of a bad influence!"

Reborn finally deigned to speak up. "That wouldn't work."

Haru turned to him quizzically, while Tsuna heaved a premature sigh of relief. 'Yeah, you explain it to her, Reborn. Why'd I have to be the one who was slapped, anyway?' he thought grumpily as he rubbed his tender cheek.

"It's my job to raise Tsuna to be the Tenth boss of a mafia family," Reborn told her bluntly. "So I can't be separated from Tsuna until then."

Lambo raised a hand to offer up an explanation of her own. "I'm Tsuna's bodyguard," she offered candidly. "My contract says that I have to stay on until he learns to get over his wussiness."

Tsuna was abruptly punched - in the same exact place he had been slapped.

Lambo stared at her charge, deeply unimpressed. 'He was staggered by that? A punch from a physically weak, middle school girl?' she thought in slight disappointment. 'I mean, I know he's supposed to be super-pathetic at this point, but it's kinda frustrating to see him as such a… wuss when he's so strong in the future.'

"What's with the mafia stuff?" Haru demanded, looking about to start breathing fire at him. "That's going too far, even for a delinquent like you! And forcing such a small child to be your bodyguard? You shouldn't be allowed to restrict them like that!"

Haru glared deeply at Tsuna for a moment, before seemingly deciding something and stomping away. 'I'll leave the hugs for later - something has to be done about this baby-mistreating criminal!'

"W-wait! Listen- !" Tsuna tried to call her back - he didn't really anyone to think of him as some kind of person that manipulated children, even someone as bizarre as her.

Haru gave him a demonic glare, making his words cut off with a startled squeak. She then turned to give a sunny smile to the two diminutive Mafioso spectators. "Bye-bye," she told them, before hurriedly turning the corner, plotting ways to separate them from Tsuna.

Reborn smirked at his hapless student. "You two get along well," he remarked casually. "Like a married couple."

"Maybe one that's about to get divorced!" Tsuna yelled at him, still cradling his injured cheek.

"You really need to learn how to manipulate conversations for you benefit, Doormat-guy," Lambo told him critically with a condescending sigh. "If you can't explain such a simple situation without getting the other person homicidal, you'd fail in Family negotiations," she explained knowingly from her spot on the wall, poking a tiny index finger toward his face.

"There's absolutely nothing simple about my situation!" Tsuna shrieked, looking at his age-changed bodyguard with incredulity. "And I don't want to be a mafia boss!"

She shook her head condescendingly. "Silly Doormat-guy. This _is_ relatively simple for the mafia world. You should learn to stop working yourself up so much over every little thing."

'That just means it's gonna get worse!' Tsuna despaired inwardly, turning away from his pint-sized tormentors to trot glumly off to school.

Lambo shook her head in disapproval as she watched him leave.

"He's gonna need a lot of work," she told Reborn seriously. "Even if he does have the potential, without any resolve, he'll go nowhere."

Reborn simply smirked at her, one hand absently stroking his pet chameleon. "I'm the world's greatest hitman. He'll learn." 'After all,' he thought to himself, '_resolve_ is one of the specialties of the Vongola Family.'

Lambo didn't doubt it - judging by the look on the tutor's face, he'd only stop short of killing Tsuna in his endeavor to beat the resolution into him. She exhaled slightly through her nose at her own thought processes as Reborn disappeared in the direction of Nami Middle. She followed suit, and turned toward home.

'Still, that means Tsuna will need a new nickname eventually,' she thought contemplatively. 'After all, 'Doormat-guy' will only fit for so long with _Reborn_ as a tutor.'

* * *

There was a reason that Lambo was somewhat miffed to have such a position as 'bodyguard' foisted upon her. Mainly, it was because Tsuna didn't have one in the original manga, and Lambo wanted things to run parallel to said events. (Though it was also because she didn't really want to be bothered by the significant responsibility.) It would be nearly impossible for things to stay the same, considering a bodyguard was so prominent a figure in their charge's life.

There was a reason for Lambo's urge to keep the storyline relatively congruent to the original story. The reason was simply this: she's a lazy, lazy person.

And because of this aspect of her character, the obvious conclusion that you can come to is that she didn't want to have to deal with not knowing what will happen the next day, because it's troublesome. Instead, she had wanted to coast through the next couple of years with the security of foreknowledge, and the entertainment of annoying people with her unflappable mien. But because of her prominent position in Tsuna's dealings, something was bound to change.

Of course, the other reason for wanting some inkling of future events was because she wasn't keen on dying again any time soon. Still, the entertainment factor of validly having the 'I know something that you don't know' variety of smugness was also a prominent motive.

As it currently was, events had gone relatively according to the 'script'. One thing Lambo hadn't really counted on though, was the extreme amount of boredom that was building up. After all, she had gone from an exciting, spontaneous way of life, tracking people down to kill and/or capture them, constantly tasking her wits and physical prowess to complete her jobs with style… to living in Japanese suburbia, only getting any iota of excitement when manga events happened, with days, sometimes weeks in between incidents.

So, yes, Lambo was a tad bit bored out of her mind.

As if Lady Luck, or some other chaotic deity had heard her thoughts, her sharp eyes abruptly spotted something that would temporarily abate her boredom.

A puff of pink smoke engulfed her tiny form, only to reveal her fifteen-year-old body. She stared pensively at the man across the street, before pulling a high-tech piece of equipment out of her shorts' pocket. It was a specially made phone/computer hybrid that she had ordered to be made for her bounty hunting jobs. She lifted it into the air, trying to get the right angle to take a picture of the guy's face. She snapped a photo, and it appeared on the mini-machine's screen. Deeming it satisfactory, she pressed another button, and a small bar of light moved vertically downward over the image, scanning it. After a few moments, bold, black text appeared.

'Match Found,' it stated in Italian - because though she was still probably most fluent in English, Italian had become her favorite language because of its lyrical quality. Plus, other people would be less likely to understand it than Japanese or English, considering her current location.

Lambo clicked another button, opening the file that had been found. 'Federico Vandigo, eh? He works for one of the anti-Vongola Families… Most likely sent to eliminate my charge, then,' she read, quickly assessing the threat. '…the bounty is pretty high on this one,' she thought with a smirk, sharp eyes noting the faint outline of a gun inside his coat - which is what had made her notice him in the first place. Wearing a coat during one of the hottest weeks of the summer was a tiny bit conspicuous, after all.

Her smirk widened, and she shimmered out of the visible spectrum with a quick application of her illusions. 'And I don't even have to bother leaving him alive, meaning no need for the Black Sheep facade today.'

Needless to say, the man was efficiently ambushed, and his neck snapped - with no mercy, and no witnesses. It was almost sad how pathetically easy it was, considering his high bounty, but she supposed he must have just pissed off the wrong people.

Lambo grinned slightly as she dialed a number on her cellphone. "…hey, Iemitsu?" she asked. "I got a little something for your guys in Namimori to pick up."

She was never so glad that her negotiations for taking the bodyguard job had involved the 'clean up' for her jobs. No more lugging around deadweight (literally) for her. All she had to do was do the deed, call Iemitsu, and she got paid - no unnecessary hauling needed. It also had the added benefit of notifying Iemitsu about the number of people sent after his son - a good thing for the head of the CEDEF to know. Most importantly, however, it cut out her least favorite part of her chosen profession.

Ignoring his questions for more details, Lambo simply told him the location of the corpse. "I want the bounty sent to my Swiss Bank Account, paid in gold as usual," she informed him bluntly, before ending the call.

And with that, she walked out of the alleyway, leaving behind a corpse, and whistling a jovial ditty as she once again traveled toward her home. 'And there's a few more volumes of manga for me,' she thought cheerily. 'I suppose this job isn't _so_ bad. I get the feeling Tsuna's gonna make me rich. And that means I can buy a few things for entertainment.'

Perhaps she wouldn't be bored _all_ the time. After all, that was the eighth probable assassin she had 'disposed' of during the past couple of weeks.

* * *

Seeing that Lambo's sense of ennui had been abated slightly by the small, profitable detour, she was in no mood to ruin her happiness by being witness to Haru's stupidity on the bridge the next morning - and consequently, her conversion to a 'Tsuna Fangirl'. Though it would also make her witness to _Tsuna's_ ridiculosity, she figured she would see enough of that in the future anyway - and besides, she already had enough blackmail on him to get him to give up his firstborn child.

So instead of being at the scene of the event, she was waiting at the Sawada house when Tsuna and his ever-present hitman-tutor arrived - the boy clad only in a pair of his embarrassingly-printed boxers, and still damp from his dip in the river.

Lambo looked up from her usual commandeered position on his bed, reading some similarly appropriated manga.

"Oh, you went swimming without me?" she asked with a slight pout.

Tsuna's eyes twitched spasmodically, torn between fatigue and frustration as his hands tightened on the towel he held in his hands. It was actually quite a mild reaction from the high-strung boy.

Lambo allowed her eyes to critically comb his figure. "Why didn't you bring your swimsuit instead of swimming in your boxers?" she prodded, hiding a slight smirk. She paused momentarily. "And you know, you should probably work on your physique a lot more if you want any girls to notice you."

Tsuna's will to keep himself standing seemed to shatter at those words, and he slumped to the floor, inwardly bemoaning his newest situation. 'Why is it that I seem to attract psychos?' he thought miserably. 'A girl finally notices me in a romantic way, and it just has to be someone like Haru, a girl who just threatened me yesterday - and more importantly, someone who's not Kyoko-chan!'

Lambo observed his defeated countenance. "Ah, so even you yourself know that you'll probably never be able to attract girls with your body," she stated knowingly.

Tsuna groaned piteously. 'And the only other female besides my mom that I encounter on a regular basis is this person!' Then, he suddenly withered even further. '…and Bianchi.'

Yes, Tsuna was not a ladies' man by any stretch. With his luck, Lambo might not ever even get the chance to blackmail him into giving up his firstborn. What a sad way for the Vongola Family Line to end.

* * *

~~~OMAKE~~~

'That was the eighth one in two weeks!' Iemitsu thought with a frown as he snapped shut his cellphone, equal parts worried for his son, and angered at the people sending assassins after him. '…Still, I guess this confirms that it _was_ worth it to get Lambo on the job,' he considered.

"Who was that, Iemitsu?" a curious voice called him back to his current surroundings.

He looked up to see the Ninth Vongola Boss staring curiously back at him from across the expensive desk, and suddenly remembered that he had been in a meeting.

"Ah," Iemitsu trailed off uncertainly, wondering exactly what to tell his boss, considering Lambo's double-identity. "Just a friend of mine updating me on a situation," he told Timoteo vaguely.

"They must be a very good friend for you to respond so unhesitatingly." Timoteo probed slightly. "And to trust them with a 'situation'."

Iemitsu sweat-dropped slightly as he recalled the many times Lambo had mocked him, and the ominous favor he owed her - the real reason he had answered so quickly was because of her current job. Still, she was probably one of the most trustworthy people he knew outside the Vongola, and they had worked cooperatively together.

"I suppose you could call her that," he finally said.

Timoteo leaned forward, his eyes twinkling in the way only a person who's seen years go by could manage. "A _her_, is it? But not Nana or one of your subordinates? Now that is odd."

'How is it that _you_ aren't the head of the Intelligence Agency, what with your nosy tendencies, old man?' Iemitsu thought to himself in fond exasperation. "Yeah, I guess."

"So who is this mysterious lady?" Timoteo asked with a slight grin. "She can't be a romantic attachment, so I must admit you have me curious."

Iemitsu involuntarily snorted at the word 'lady' referring to Lambo, before nearly choking to death on his own spit at the mention of 'romantic attachment'.

"Okay, first off, she's definitely no lady," Iemitsu stated firmly once he had recovered. "And besides that, even if I weren't married (God forbid), she'd be way to young for me." He paused for a moment before making a face. "Plus, I can't even imagine the type of guy who could handle a romantic relationship with her without her killing them…."

Timoteo raised an eyebrow. "So… she's a good friend to the Head of the CEDEF, apparently unconventional, young, single, and with a penchant for violence," he summed up.

Iemitsu couldn't exactly contradict any of that.

Timoteo leaned back contemplatively. "Perhaps Xanxus should meet this young woman," he mused out loud. "This could be the only chance there is for grandchi-, er, a good relationship for him."

Iemitsu once again began choking to death on his own spit. 'I don't know what's scarier,' he mused, thoughts spiraling due to a lack of oxygen. 'the thought of what kind of damage those two would do if they got into an fight, or what kind of damage they could do if they _did_ get together.'

And thus one in-universe person hopped onto the Xanxus/Lambo ship, without even knowing who she was.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Sorry all for the late update - I've been taking extreme advantage of summer vacation to laze around as much as humanly possible (it's super hard to work up any kind of work ethic whatsoever when I have no school schedule to keep me on track - more so than usual). Anyway, I have to thank you all for the reviews I've still been getting, and all the support for my story.

Just so everyone is clear - the current votes for Lambo's pairing:

Fon: 21

Dino: 22

Xanxus: 34

Hibari: 36

Mukuro: 46

Reborn: 48

But considering since I posted that poll, I've written a few more chapters, and everyone has gotten a more clear view of Lambo's character, I've decided to create a new poll to vote on (especially with all the responses to the Omake I've gotten - there are a lot of Xanxus/Lambo shippers among the reviewers). I'm also going to eliminate Fon and Dino, because while I do like the characters, I think that fewer options to spread the votes between will help me get a clearer view of all your opinions.

Anyway, regardless of the poll, I hope you all enjoy the newest chapter!

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Fourteen

* * *

Lambo jerked awake from her spot on Tsuna's floor as said middle-schooler rushed through the door, slamming it behind him. She nearly leapt to her feet in anticipation of sudden danger, but relaxed upon seeing the source of the noise was only her rather wussy charge. She gazed blearily up at him, absently wiping a bit of drool away from her mouth as she watched him zoom about the room, frantically picking up dirty clothes and discarded popsicle wrappers.

"Since when did you care that your room's a pigsty?" she asked groggily, her napping in the sunshine disturbed by his noisy motions.

"Since Yamamoto-kun is coming over to do homework!" Tsuna snapped hurriedly, now gingerly picking up an ominously stained comic book.

"And you want to hide the fact that you're a total slob?" Lambo offered, propping herself up on her elbows as she woke up a bit more. 'Still, Yamamoto visiting for homework.. this means that the next chapter has started… that stupid one where no one can answer question seven,' she thought absently to herself. '…so it'll be boring.' She turned her attention back to her hapless charge. "You know, Tsuna, honesty is the best policy in most friendships," she told him sagely.

Tsuna surprisingly only spared her a brief irritated look, instead of letting himself get swept into a dizzying fit of indignant incredulity. Lambo pouted slightly at not getting a reaction, but soon twisted her body back into a comfortable position on the pillows she had snatched from Tsuna's bed, ignoring him once again. She promptly jerked her head back from the pillow upon detecting a patch of wetness caused by her drooling. Internally grumbling, she flipped the pillow over, grabbing another one to curl around, and quickly drifted off back to sleep.

What felt like only mere minutes later, she was once again roused from her slumber by a loud greeting being yelled downstairs - and a shriek of surprise from Tsuna at seeing Gokudera there, in addition to the invited guest. Upon snapping her eyes open, she was immediately met with the sight of two pools of pitch black, soul-sucking evilness not two inches from her nose.

She restricted her knee-jerk reaction of blasting Reborn with enough electricity to power a small town to a simple blink.

"Did you want something?" she asked evenly, not bothering to move from her sprawled position on the pillows - though she did shift the newest drool-spot away from her cheek. Apparently Tsuna had been too frightened of her potential reaction if he had tried to move her, and had instead skirted a small perimeter around her nest when he cleaned.

She saw the constant smirk hidden behind his innocent baby face grow a little wider.

"Dame-Tsuna and others are coming here in a few seconds to do summer-school homework," he stated, habitually stroking Leon's small green head.

"I know," Lambo told him with a somewhat disgruntled tone. "He woke me up from my nap when he started cleaning."

"Don't give them any help," Reborn ordered bluntly.

Lambo raised an eyebrow at him, the words 'Why would I even want to do that?' going unsaid. Instead, she shrugged an affirmative, and lazily snuggled back down into the nearest pillow. Reborn, apparently satisfied with her response, sat himself comfortably on one of the out-skirting pillows of her little nest.

Before she could actually return to her slumber (intent on ignoring the close proximity with a pint-sized death machine), the bedroom door slammed open, and three middle-school boys poured into the room.

Gokudera's puppyish expression upon being invited into his 'beloved Tenth's' room slipped rapidly into his habitual scowl - though perhaps with even a bit more venom in it than usual - at the sight of the black-haired hitwoman lounging on the pillows.

Tsuna sweat-dropped at the sight of his self-proclaimed right-hand man trying to bore holes in his bodyguard's skull with just his glower. 'He definitely hasn't gotten over the Bianchi pictures…' the brunet thought nervously.

Yamamoto, in sharp contrast, aimed his usual amiable grin at her. "Hey, you're Tsuna's bodyguard in the game! Lambo, right?"

Lambo, not having the heart to be a complete ass toward one of the few non-hostile people in her life, deigned to actually articulate a coherent answer, despite the sleepiness fogging her brain. "Yeah." She shook her head slightly. "And you're Yamamoto."

It wasn't a question, but Yamamoto answered a cheery affirmative anyway. Then, noticing the look his silver-haired classmate was shooting her, spoke up, "Hey Gokudera, why're you glaring at Lambo-chan like that?" he asked inquisitively. "Isn't she the one who went to all that effort to give you pictures of your sister at school when you were homesick?" an inkling of disapproval at the perceived ungratefulness made its way into the normally carefree boy's tone.

Lambo smirked slightly at vibrancy of the red hue of rage and indignation on the bomber's face. It was a close call for the baseball player - only Tsuna's hasty intervention kept Gokudera from lighting up a few sticks of dynamite and shoving them somewhere unpleasant. Well, that, and Lambo threw her most drool-covered pillow at him, and the wet slapping noise seemed to stun him into incredulous inaction for the few seconds needed for Tsuna to divert his hostile attentions.

The rest of the 'chapter event' zoomed by in Lambo's perception. Perhaps it was a good thing she was slipping in and out of sleep though, because all the fuss they made about such a simple question probably would have frustrated her into just yelling the answer at them - and considering Reborn would see that as 'helping them with their homework'… Well, it's a good thing she was too sleepy to get riled up.

It was also a good thing that her face was covered with a pillow when Haru called Bianchi in for help, so instead of starting a brawl, the pink-haired nuisance simply assumed that she was just another one of Tsuna's friends from school, and left without a fuss when she was determined to be of no help.

(And another good thing was the fact that Tsuna stopped the others from waking her up in an attempt to see if she could help with the question…)

* * *

The next time anything worthy of note happened was a few days later. Surprisingly, instead of another event of the manga taking place, the 'adventure' instead took place on one of Lambo's days off.

It all began with an idea from a disgruntled bomber.

Gokudera had walked to Namimori Middle School, in order to escort Tsuna (and consequently Yamamoto) back home after the brunet was finished with his summer catch-up classes. They had just reached the gate of Tsuna's house when it happened.

"Don't be so handsy with the Tenth!" Gokudera snarled at Yamamoto - who was guilty of the 'crime' of slinging an arm around Tsuna's shoulders as they walked.

Yamamoto was distracted from replying when his sharp eyes caught a familiar figure across the street. "Hey, isn't that Lambo-chan?"

Gokudera's irritated glare turned murderous as he spotted the hitwoman walking in the direction they had just came from, head bobbing slightly to the music spouting from her bulky headphones. "Yes," he ground out between clenched teeth.

"Hey, how come she isn't body-guarding you today, Tsuna?" Yamamoto asked curiously.

Tsuna actually smiled slightly as he remembered the reason. "Lambo has the day off today," he said blissfully. 'I have the rest of the day to myself!' he thought to himself ecstatically as he moved to go inside, intent on spending the rest of his Lambo-free day lounging on his bed, reading the manga she usually stole from him.

"Tch," Gokudera scoffed. "When it comes to the Tenth's safety, there shouldn't be any breaks. But I suppose I shouldn't expect much from such a suspicious person."

"Suspicious?" Yamamoto asked inquisitively. "Has Lambo-chan played on an opposing team before?"

"The mafia isn't a game, baseball-freak!" Gokudera hissed. "But the thing is, we don't know anything about her. For all we know, she could be an enemy spy waiting to assassinate the Tenth, or hold him for ransom, or even just collect information on him."

"How would you know that?" Yamamoto wondered. "She could just be on our team, you know."

A light bulb seemed to go off over his head. A smirk appeared on his lips.

"I'll just have to do some spying of my own then," Gokudera declared, eyes glued to Lambo, who was bent over to examine a flower growing near the sidewalk. "Today is her day off, right? That means it's a perfect opportunity to see what she does when she isn't posing as a bodyguard!"

Tsuna's eyes widened in dread, hand frozen in midair where it was about to push open the gate. "I-I don't think that's a good idea Gokudera-kun!" he nearly squeaked. 'I don't want to think of what Lambo would do if she found you stalking her! Plus, I don't want to have anything to do with her today - even though it's technically her day off, it's also mine!'

"Don't worry Tenth!" Gokudera beamed at his 'boss'. "You're a great boss to worry over your right-hand man, but I definitely need to know if she can be trusted with your safety!"

Yamamoto laughed cheerily. "So we're playing a spy game today?" he asked merrily, oblivious to Tsuna's mounting horror.

Suddenly, Reborn popped out of nowhere, clad in a ninja-like suit, with a black mask covering most of his head. "The first thing to remember when stalking someone is to never let the target out of sight," he told the boys, a small finger pointed toward Lambo.

The middle-schoolers looked to see the bounty-hunter a few feet from walking around the corner, and out of sight.

Gokudera immediately hurried after her, 'stealthily' ducking behind a few obstacles when he thought she was going to turn around. Yamamoto grinned slightly, and followed at a more leisurely pace, much less tense about the whole thing than Gokudera.

Tsuna lingered at the gate to his house, glancing longingly at his bedroom window. However, when his hand reached once again to open the gate, he was halted in his tracks by the now familiar noise of a gun cocking. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw ninja-Reborn holding a couple of menacingly shiny shuriken.

"Now, now Dame-Tsuna, a boss should never let his subordinates endanger themselves without keeping an eye on them," the tiny tutor stated menacingly.

Tsuna nearly cried, but headed off at a run after his two 'subordinates' anyway.

* * *

Lambo, though relaxed and content with having a day off, hadn't survived long enough to become renowned as the Black Sheep by being oblivious to somebody following her.

Or, in this case, some_bodies_.

Gokudera was concealing himself the best, currently slouching casually against the wall of an alley, the hood of his jacket pulled over his head as he smoked a cigarette. Lambo could still feel his eyes drilling into the back of her head suspiciously. Yamamoto, on the other hand, was simply walking casually around the shopping area, occasionally looking with interest at the items for sale - she could tell that he was only following her for the sake of 'playing' with his friends.

Tsuna, quite frankly, sucked at tailing someone. He was noticeably jittery as he nervously darted through the crowd of milling shoppers, and Lambo could see him sweating bullets in the reflection of the window she was staring at. Of course, some of the nerves could be attributed to the fact that she could also see Reborn in the reflection - and he was currently stroking his pet chameleon, as though he was seconds away from morphing Leon into a weapon and launching an assault on his hapless student if he failed his 'mission'.

Needless to say, it wasn't helping Tsuna with his already nonexistent 'stealthy' stalking.

Lambo repressed a sigh as she walked into her favorite manga shop. She took her time deciding on a purchase - not because she was being frugal (though she was a pretty money-conscious person), but because she was mulling over the issue of what to do with her middle-schooler stalkers.

Her best bet as to why the three boys were stalking her was that Gokudera suggested it. Being the only one of the group to grow up with the mafia, he was naturally a much more suspicious person than the other two - and while she would normally commend that trait in any aspiring mafioso, it was really freaking annoying when directed at her. Plus, Yamamoto wasn't exactly the spying type, and Tsuna had probably enjoying the break from her as much as she had from him.

She let her eyes rove over the bookshelves, and couldn't help but also reflect upon how grateful she was that this universe had all the same manga as her previous one (excluding Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, of course). Not only was it a familiar form of entertainment, but she had actually earned some money by betting on what twists in the storylines would happen. Plus, considering she was actually in the universe of a manga, it helped her come up with unpredictable combat maneuvers - which was why she mostly read shonen.

Exhaling slightly through her nose in slight exasperation - after all, she _had_ been enjoying the break from the same people who were now following her - Lambo grabbed the newest edition of _Shounen Jump_, and walked to the cashier.

She'd just do her usual routine and ignore them for now. After all, she wasn't feeling particularly playful at the moment with her good mood from the time off ruined.

Plus, she could always just get revenge on them later. 'Revenge is a dish best served cold', as the saying went. (Then there was 'an eye for an eye'… maybe she'd return the favor and stalk them when the least wanted it… the idea had merit.)

Shrugging, she paid for her merchandise and left the manga store. She'd figure out something later, when she felt more like it.

* * *

"Target is moving toward a small, suspicious-looking shop. Seems to cater to the needs of small animals. Over," a voice crackled through the speaker of a clunky walkie-talkie.

Tsuna stared blankly at the communications device in his hand (Reborn had pulled them out of nowhere with his usual defiance of the laws of physics and logic, and foisted them upon his hapless student - because 'A good Mafia boss always knows what is going on during an operation.'), wondering how the small, cheery pet shop was 'suspicious'. Even to the mind of Gokudera, it seemed like it would be a far stretch. There were small, impossibly adorable puppies in the window for God's sake!

"Huh. I wonder what kind of pet Lambo-chan has?" Yamamoto wondered curiously.

"Gah! You stupid Baseball-Freak! Didn't I tell you not to mention any specific names! You never know if she might be tapping into them somehow! And respect proper communications protocol!" Gokudera snapped. "Over," he added as an afterthought.

Tsuna sweat-dropped as Yamamoto simply laughed good-naturedly in response. "Haha, Gokudera-kun, I didn't know you took games like this so seriously. You must have played spy games a lot when you were little!"

While his self-proclaimed right-hand man fumed (silently, for once, in order to not alert their stalkee that they were following her), Tsuna stared contemplatively at the pet shop, considering Yamamoto's previous question.

What kind of pet _would_ someone like Lambo have?

Immediately, the picture of some nameless, rabid terror came to his mind, drooling acid and gesturing menacingly with tentacles the size of telephone posts. Tsuna's brain nearly wilted in dread - considering the oddities that he had been going through lately, he wouldn't put it past her to have some eldritch abomination as a pet. And he definitely wouldn't put it past her to sick the thing on him. Maybe the pet shop _was_ suspicious. Maybe Lambo was buying raw meat for some carnivorous beast. Maybe it was even _human _meat. Had there been any odd disappearances around Namimori lately?

He was shaken from his anxious stupor by the cheery bell above the pet shop's door as Lambo exited the building, a small bag with the shop's logo slung around her wrist. He froze as her gaze swept her surroundings and seemed to linger on his hiding place for a moment (crouched behind a small advertisement panel on the sidewalk), before sighing in relief as she continued walking with no negative reaction.

Obviously, he hadn't been noticed, or she would've done some unspeakable horror to him.

Tsuna's eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets when he saw what his bodyguard was doing instead of wreaking a terrible vengeance upon him.

She had taken a sudden leap into the air - much higher than was 'normally' possible - only to catch a bright yellow balloon. She landed with barely a sound, and with a smile, turned toward the tiny little girl who had lost it. The girl sniffled slightly, but released her distraught grip on her pigtails in favor of retaking the balloon Lambo handed her. The girl gave her 'hero' a brilliant smile despite her puffy eyes and tear tracks, and skipped back toward her mother, who was haggling at a small fruit stand a few feet away.

Tsuna goggled at the sight. A small wheeze of disbelief puffed from his throat, as he was to shocked to actually say anything. His evil bodyguard, doing something out of the kindness of her (small, black, vengeful, ruthless) heart? Impossible!

"Dame-Tsuna, you could learn a few things from Lambo," Reborn commented after popping up behind his student. "A Mafia boss should always endeavor to be loved by the citizens of the territories in which he operates - even if he's doing terrible things when they aren't looking."

Before Tsuna could comment on how _wrong_ that was, one of the other boys spoke up.

"Wow, Lam - I mean _the target_ sure is nice, isn't she?" Yamamoto commented with slight admiration. "Over," he added quickly, trying to stick the 'rules of the game'.

"…it must be a trick, Tenth!" Gokudera declared, voice dripping in astonishment. "She must be altering her normal behavior for some reason! Maybe she knows we're here, and is trying to thro us off our guard!"

Tsuna, despite his stunned state, couldn't help but disagree. "Gokudera-kun, don't you think she would be trying to, um, kill us if she knew we were spying on her?" he offered somewhat tentatively.

There was silence for a moment, as they both recalled her previous acts of revenge. They were _still_ finding pictures of Bianchi around the Middle School, and Tsuna's pillow had yet to stop smelling of squished worms.

Before Gokudera could begin to grovel shamefully for voicing an opinion in conflict with his beloved boss's, he was halted in favor of following the target - who was quickly moving out of sight.

They stealthily (not really in Tsuna's case) trailed after her as she left he shopping district, winding through the narrow streets of the suburbs until the area started to look familiar to Tsuna.

'Are we headed toward the school?' he thought in puzzlement, knowing that Lambo rarely went toward Namimori Middle School. 'And why would she go there on her day off, of all times?' he wondered.

Suddenly, Lambo ducked into a barely visible alcove, which Tsuna recognized as the place where the school dumpsters were located (he had been shoved into them on more then one occasion).

The three boys exchanged glances, before carefully tiptoeing to the mouth of the small alley, peeking inside to see what Lambo was doing.

Their face all blanked over at the sight that met their eyes. Lambo was crouched down in the middle of the alley with an unprecedented soft smile lighting up her normally apathetic face. Surrounding her on all sides were eagerly mewing little kittens, all clamoring for some of the food in the bag she held on her lap. She held out a handful of food, gently stroking the tiny creatures that ate it trustingly from her palm. From the wild cats' attitude toward her, she had obviously been there many times before.

Tsuna's brain nearly died then and there. The image was so contrary to the usual picture Lambo presented that he could barely comprehend it. After all, he knew her to be someone with little to no mercy or care for the wellbeing of fellow humans - to see her treating the small litter of kittens with such a delicate and affectionate touch nearly fried his synapses. Especially since the animals - which almost always had great survival instincts - seemed to adore her.

The boys were broken from their extreme befuddlement by the sharp clicks of confident footsteps coming up from behind them. Turning around, Tsuna was horrified, Gokudera pissed, and Yamamoto bemused at the sight of Hibari Kyoya standing there.

"You herbivores are trespassing on Namimori territory," the prefect stated steadily, settling into a loose stance with his tonfa. "School hours are over, and none of the clubs have functions that last until now." A dark aura radiated from the leader of the Disciplinary Committee. "For loitering, you shall be bitten to death."

Tsuna managed to catch a glimpse back into the alleyway, only to find it void of his bodyguard, the kitty kibble clumped on the ground in a small pile. Despite her absence, he got the distinct impression that she had just blown a raspberry at him, just before his attention was diverted by the sensation of a tonfa colliding with his ribs.

* * *

So in the end, they found out absolutely nothing about Lambo, except for the facts that:

A - she had a tiny iota of empathy for little kids in distress

B - she had a soft spot for small, furry animals

C - she knew they were following her the whole time (she confirmed it when she stated that it was no wonder Tsuna didn't have a girlfriend if he was in the habit of stalking girls)

D - she was very, very good at getting revenge (even when she wasn't trying - though they didn't know that it wasn't on purpose that they had been led into the Hibari-trap)

In short, they learned nothing 'suspicious' about her, and all they received for their efforts was the tar beaten out of them by a certain prefect for trespassing on Namimori property after school hours were over.

And after they managed to drag themselves away, the kittens in the alley gained themselves another caretaker in the form of said prefect when he noticed them. What was it with near-sociopaths and their soft spots for small animals?


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: This chapter came to me surprisingly fast, despite the bit of a block I had during the bit after Tsuna and Ryohei's boxing match. Thankfully, inspiration struck, and I was able to create a satisfying ending to the events. And wow, I am really surprised and pleased with how many reviews I'm getting for my story - thank you all for the feedback! (It's a nice ego-booster to see how much you guys enjoy reading my story.) Plus, the poll is getting a good amount of votes too, so keep it up, please! But besides that, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Fifteen

* * *

Lambo looked down at the pint-sized hitman standing near her ankles. He was holding a large flask, wisps of steam smelling of Earl Grey coming out of the top.

"What is it you want Reborn?" she asked, not taking her eyes off the beverage. While Reborn was usually of the philosophy 'ask forgiveness, not permission' - only without the forgiveness part - with Lambo, he had to act a little more judiciously. Because while their current jobs overlapped with each other, Lambo, in the end, was _not_ allied with the Vongola, and was instead doing this as a personal favor to a friend. Thus, Reborn acted in accordance with his status as a representative of the Vongola Famiglia to an outsider that would be a very advantageous recruit for the Family.

So basically, Reborn treated her with an amount of courtesy he usually didn't give anyone (excluding Nana, Timoteo, and maybe one or two others - like Luce, perhaps), and Lambo treated him like the world's greatest hitman - namely, someone whose bad side you did not want to be on. They respected each others' authority on their specific jobs - so Lambo didn't get in the way of Reborn's tutoring, and he didn't interfere with her security measures. A good working-relationship in general, if a bit friendlier than one would expect from the two because of bonding over Tsuna-bullying.

Thus, when Reborn wanted her to go out of her way to go along with one of his schemes, he usually bribed her. Mostly with tea.

"Dame-Tsuna has got himself a match with the captain of the Namimori Boxing Club," Reborn told her. "I want you and his friends there so that he'll do his best."

Translation - 'I suckered Tsuna into fighting his crush's big brother, so if he wins, it'll probably make her dislike him, but if he loses… well, he'll look like a loser. And I want you and his friends there so that he won't chicken out.'

Lambo shrugged, took her tea, and followed Reborn.

Free tea and a show. What's not to like?

* * *

'I wonder why no one ever realizes that it's Reborn behind the paper-thin disguises except Tsuna and Dino… Must be an anime thing,' Lambo mused to herself as she watched Rebo- er, Master Pao Pao say that he wanted a match between the captain and the newest member of the boxing club. He was wearing an odd hat in the shape of an elephant's head, along with a small goatee - Leon was even in on it, morphed into a tiny elephant replica on top of Reborn's new headgear. (The hitman was also making odd 'Pao~n' noises - presumably supposed to sound like an elephant trumpeting, but just sounding plain adorable thanks to his baby-voice. It was very odd.)

Gokudera, Yamamoto and Kyoko all cheered encouragements to the two fighters. Ryohei looked focused, body held in a firm boxing stance. Tsuna, on the other hand, looked like he was about to barf, and held his boxing-mitted hands uncertainly in front of his face.

"Let's go Sawada!" Ryohei yelled as the bell rang. He charged forward and sucker punched Tsuna in the face.

"Don't' be careless Sawada!" Ryohei rebuked his opponent. "This is a match to see your true skill level, after all!"

Lambo watched as thoughts whizzed through her charge's mind. She saw him glance over at Reborn, who was fingering his gun. Of course, then Tsuna was conflicted over the fact that if he went into Dying Will Mode and beat the snot out of Ryohei, Kyoko would hate him for crushing her brother.

"Don't shoot!" Tsuna mouthed desperately at his tutor.

"How about this then?" Reborn asked, and promptly shot the bullet at a different target. It hit Ryohei directly in the center of his forehead, and the boxer dropped to the floor of the boxing ring, a trail of blood leaking from the entry wound.

Tsuna looked as though he was about to start gnawing at his gloves as the boxer burst from his skin - after all, how much stronger could the older Sasagawa get before it was overkill on his poor Dame self?

Ryohei, on the other hand was perfectly fine. And completely the same as before he was shot, except for the small burst of yellow flame on his forehead.

"Hey Sawada, you can get up, right?" he asked, not seeming to notice that anything unnatural had just happened, except that he might have 'slipped'. "Let continue."

'Even I have to admit, that's pretty impressive,' Lambo thought to herself, taking a sip of her Earl Grey. 'It's not often that you come across someone, much less a middle-schooler that is always acting with his Dying Will. It's too bad he's probably the least popular Guardian there is.'

Then Tsuna was shot too, just to even up the odds.

"AS IF I WERE TO DIE, I WILL REJECT THE OFFER TO JOIN THE BOXING CLUB!" he yelled. And for once, he was already clad only in shorts for the match, so he wasn't stripped down to his boxers.

Ryohei raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I won't ask why, then…" he aimed a right hook at Tsuna's face again. "Because I believe that men can communicate with their fists!"

"Join my club!" punch

"I DECLINE!" dodge

"Join!" punch

"NO!" dodge

I'm sure you can see where this is going. As in, nowhere anytime soon. Eventually, however, Dying-Will-Mode!Tsuna apparently decided that his refusals weren't getting through the boxer's (EXTREMELY) thick skull. And considering Ryohei said that he believed men communicated through their fists…

"I REFUSE!" Tsuna yelled, and delivered a superpowered punch to the boxer's face.

Ryohei was sent crashing out of the ring, flying sideways until he smashed into (and almost completely through) the wall. Yamamoto and Kyoko looked on in surprise, Gokudera cheerily congratulated his boss on the win, and Lambo looked on in slight boredom.

'I wonder how pissed off Hibari will be over that ruined wall,' Lambo wondered absently, taking another sip of her tea.

The flames on the fighters' foreheads fizzled out. Tsuna looked horrified as he realized that he had just done exactly what he had been trying to avoid.

Of course, he was worried for nothing considering how nuts everyone in this particular universe was.

"I like you even more now Sawada!" Ryohei exclaimed, grinning despite the blood trickling down from the scrapes on his face. He lifted himself off the floor, his sister hovering worriedly near him. "Your boxing skills are like platinum - I'd definitely welcome you into the club!"

Kyoko relaxed with a smile as she realized that her brother was alright - and just as energetic as normal. "You look so happy, onii-chan," she remarked.

"I like you too Sasagawa Ryohei," Reborn declared, still wearing the elephant hat disguise. "Want to join the Family?"

Tsuna switched rapidly from wondering why the heck he was liked _more_ after beating Ryohei up, to incredulity at Reborn's random scouting.

"Tsuna's family?" Ryohei asked curiously. "Sure!" he agreed enthusiastically after 'Master Pao Pao' confirmed it. "It'd be fun to have another younger sibling - call me Onii-san, okay Tsuna?"

'He's so quick to accept people he barely knows as family - even the type of family he's thinking of…!' Tsuna thought incredulously. '…and quit trying to drag my schoolmates into the mafia, Reborn!'

"Who else is part of the family?" Ryohei asked happily. "I want to know who else I'm related to now!"

"Gokudera and Yamamoto are also in Tsuna's Family. They also go to the same class as him," Reborn told the boxer, gesturing to said boys. The hitman snuck a side glance at Lambo. "And since Tsuna is the boss, he has a bodyguard for protection - that's Lambo."

'…at least he didn't say I was actually _in _the Family,' Lambo thought to herself as she bowed politely toward Ryohei. 'He just sort of glossed over it.'

"Bodyguard?" Ryohei asked speculatively as he looked Lambo over. "With Tsuna's EXTREME boxing skills, he can't take care of himself? Are you even stronger than him?" he looked excited as he asked the last question, Lambo could practically see him readying to challenge her to a boxing match as well.

Lambo blinked for a moment. '… this is why I get along better with the non-overly-excitable types,' she thought to herself for a moment. "Yes, I'm a bodyguard. Tsuna sucks at protecting himself from assassins - especially considering he hasn't noticed any of the ones I've taken out since starting this job. And it's almost insulting that you even considered the option that I might be weaker than him," she answered in rapid succession.

Tsuna was torn between being insulted at her casual derision toward his capabilities (no matter how accurate it may be), terrified at the fact that there had been multiple people out to kill him that he hadn't even known about (though even knowing about Bianchi, she frightened him as well) - and lastly, utterly incredulous that Lambo actually _had_ been doing her job the whole time, as opposed to just lazing around and picking on him.

Just how many assassins had been after his head anyway?

"There's been a couple dozen of them so far," Lambo told him, reading his expression correctly.

It was a little hard for Tsuna to process the fact that she had actually saved his life so many times despite her usual treatment of him.

"I even got an extra bonus because I got five of them in one week," Lambo said with a smirk, before taking another sip of her Earl Grey.

'She's talking about it like it's a two-for-one deal at the supermarket!' Tsuna thought incredulously.

Gokudera looked at the usually hated hitwoman with grudging respect. 'At least she's doing her job correctly…'

Yamamoto was surprised at the conversation. 'Wow, Lambo-chan must have a really high score in the game now if she got that many bonuses,' he thought to himself in awe.

"And they were all strong, right?" Ryohei ignored the others' reactions and stepped closer to the bodyguard. "You should fight me in a match too!" he yelled enthusiastically.

"No," Lambo replied immediately, turning her head away from him dismissively. She was actually answering both questions at the same time - so far, the assassins had been small fry by her standards (high standards though they might be). And she didn't want to fight him.

Ryohei's face fell comically, before getting even more determined.

"C'mon, Lambo!" he tried to persuade her, slinging a muscled arm around her slim shoulders. "We're family now, right? All my siblings should like boxing!"

Lambo sniffed in distaste at the invasion of her personal space. "I'm sorry Sasagawa-san, but boxing is not my forte," she told him, a slight hint of ice in her usually apathetic voice, eyeing the arm around her shoulders like it was made of soiled diapers.

Before Ryohei could try to convince her again, however, he was halted by the sudden silence that swept through the clubhouse. He turned to see just what had quieted all the conversation, only to see one Hibari Kyoya, standing on the other side of the hole in the wall Tsuna had made using Ryohei as a projectile. He already had his tonfas out in preparation for a 'biting' session.

'Geez. This guy pops up everywhere,' Lambo thought to herself as she shrugged off Ryohei's arm. 'It's like he's the boogeyman… or he could just have a really precise surveillance system over the school. It'd be cooler if he were a nighttime fright monster, though. That seems to be the general attitude toward him from the students anyway.'

"Ah, Hibari!" the older Sasagawa greeted brightly. "Have you finally come to join the boxing club?"

Nearly everyone in the room sweat-dropped at his complete denseness.

'Well, except for this idiot,' Lambo amended her earlier thought. 'How dumb can you get?'

Hibari didn't even dignify that with a response. "Who is responsible for this damage to Namimori property?" he asked coldly.

Tsuna tried to shrink into an unnoticeable state, feeling even more vulnerable than usual before the terrifying Head of the Disciplinary Committee - clad as he was only in boxing shorts. Lambo pointed directly at him.

Fortunately for the usually hapless brunet, the gesture seemed to bring Hibari's attention toward his bodyguard instead of him.

The prefect's eyes narrowed even further as they alit with fierce interest. "Hitsuji. You once again trespass on Namimori territory," he stated with an anticipatory smirk, taking an aggressive step toward her.

Lambo smirked slightly, even though she fingered her concealed Meteor Hammer in case Hibari resorted to violence, as was his usual modus operandi.

"Actually, I have permission to be here this time," she told him, withdrawing a small authorization slip that Reborn had acquired for her. Thankfully, she had thought ahead in case something like this would occur - after all, many events happened at Namimori Middle School, and she didn't want to have to miss all of them in order to deal with Hibari's attacks for trespassing.

The prefect frowned for a moment before he regained his previous expression.

"Then you shall instead be bitten to death for restraining me, daring to sit on my person, and leaving before we were finished," he declared imperiously, raising his tonfas into a battle-ready position.

Tsuna goggled at the innuendo to those words, a flush of embarrassment covering his cheeks. 'WHAT?! First, he doesn't call her 'herbivore' like everyone else (in fact, it almost sounded like a pet name…), and now… they were doing _those_ kinds of things?!'

He had always thought of Hibari as a frightful monster of nightmares - asexual, in short; or at the very least, in a dedicated relationship with the school. And the idea of anyone handling a romantic relationship with Lambo without her killing them seemed impossible. (Somewhere in Italy, Iemitsu sneezed. He smiled. 'Tsu-kun is growing up to be more like me every day!' he thought happily to himself, before groaning in despair as another CEDEF member came in to deposit more paperwork on his desk.)

'Then again,' Tsuna reconsidered with a large sweat-drop. 'If anyone could handle it, it would most likely be the inhuman Hibari-san.'

Everyone else in the room had similar reactions. Even Reborn raised an eyebrow.

Lambo nearly face-palmed at how suggestive Hibari had made their fight sound to the ears of the unknowing. (Though she had to admit, she wouldn't have exactly minded if it _had_ been that way - she _was_ a fan girl, after all, even if she hid it well. Plus, Hibari was pretty hot.) Instead, she was forced to withdraw her hidden weapon in order to block a forceful strike from the battle-eager prefect. 'Oh well,' she thought resignedly, but with a thrill of wild energy. 'At least this way, it'll help to keep my skills sharp.'

"Dame-Tsuna, watch this closely," Reborn told his student, hopping to stand on his shoulder, intently watching the progression of the fight. "As the Tenth Vongola Boss, one day, you should be able to fight even better than this - without the use of a Dying Will Bullet."

'No way!' Tsuna thought immediately, cringing as he saw a blow from Hibari completely obliterate one of the punching bags hanging from the ceiling with a single hit.

Reborn kicked him in the head. "You doubt my tutelage?" he demanded.

Tsuna was saved from replying by his most easygoing friend. "Haha, they're really going at it, aren't they?" Yamamoto asked with a grin and a sweat-drop as Lambo dodged, bending backwards into a nearly perfect bridge before back-flipping into a standing position once more. "I wonder if Lambo-chan takes gymnastics lessons - she's really flexible."

Tsuna's mind, stuck on the earlier misunderstanding of Hibari's words, automatically caught the innuendo in Yamamoto's words as well, and he choked again, the flush of awkwardness on his face only growing deeper.

Ryohei watched the battle with fiery eyes - any kind of suggestiveness completely flying over his head. He raised a hand and clenched it into a fist. "Lambo is a very EXTREME fighter! I want to battle her even more now!"

In the end, Tsuna unwillingly gained another Family member in the form of his crush's older brother, successfully managed to violently decline an invitation to the boxing club, and had to restrain Gokudera from getting them all killed when the bomber nearly flung sticks of dynamite at the two combatants for 'almost hitting the Tenth with their squabble!'

Oh, and Hibari got in a lucky hit after everyone else left, making Lambo complain of a bruised mouth - only furthering the confusion about the exact (twisted) nature of their relationship.

* * *

~~~~~~OMAKE~~~~~~

* * *

What could have happened

Ryohei's face fell comically at the bounty hunter's refusal to box with him, before getting even more determined.

"C'mon, Lambo!" he tried to persuade her. "We're family now, right? All my siblings should like boxing!"

And then he signed his death warrant by slinging an arm around her shoulder.

Tsuna paled rapidly, recognizing the grave error made by his new 'onii-san'. Not only had the boxer (EXTREMELY) invaded the prickly bounty hunter's personal space, which would irk her slightly at any time - but he had also pressed firmly down on one of her worst Berserk Buttons.

The force from his casual gesture of camaraderie had jostled Lambo's smaller frame, and spilled her tea. Her favorite, Earl Grey tea. The liquid seemed to descend to the ground of the clubhouse floor in slow-motion, and it seemed to Tsuna like the harbinger of the blood that would soon fall likewise.

"Oh, #$%!" the prospective mafia don exclaimed, and promptly ducked for cover.

An ominous, thick, black aura seemed to pulsate from Lambo's body, suffocating in its intensity. Sable curls hung over the top half of her face, hiding her eyes from view. Her hand clenched around the now-empty flask, and the crunching sound of its destruction ripped through the sudden silence that had engulfed the room.

Kyoko was hurriedly ushered out of the room before the carnage could begin. Her delicate ears were covered by Tsuna's hands, even as he flinched at every yell of pain, and crunch of bones that echoed from the clubhouse. A few minutes later, a very pale Yamamoto walked numbly out of the building, followed by an equally pallid Gokudera, who was smoking three cigarettes simultaneously as he kept his shaking hands in his pockets.

Reborn, now dressed in his usual snappy suit, frowned from his position on one of the boxing ring's corner posts. 'Damn. Now I have to find another Sun Guardian. I don't think he'll ever use that arm correctly again.'

The tiny hitman didn't even twitch as a blood-soaked Lambo turned toward him abruptly, ignoring the blood spattered all over her hands, shirt and face. "Can I get another cup of tea?"


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I got a review mentioning that Hibari shouldn't have gotten a hit on Lambo - even a lucky one - because of her huge amount of natural talent that she has been honing for _years_. However, keep in mind that Lambo is trying to _not_ get Hibari obsessed with defeating her - Mukuro was like the first one to ever beat him, and he thus fixated slightly on the illusionist. Lambo doesn't want that - not only would it be inconvenient to have Hibari constantly antagonistic toward her, but it would probably change the storyline, which she is trying to avoid as much as possible. (Mostly because she's lazy, and has high survival instincts - the less she changes things, the more she'll be able to accurately predict and roll with future events. So she won't change anything unless it's very important to her.) Plus, him getting in a hit on her was more for comedic value - because the specific place furthered the misunderstanding about their (nonexistent at the moment) relationship.

Anyway, explanations aside, I hope you all enjoy this new chapter! (And thank you very much for reviewing and voting on the poll!)

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Sixteen

* * *

Lambo walked casually down the street toward the Sawada family home, hands in the pockets of her capris and headphones playing an eclectic range of music. It was an hour or two before Tsuna got out of school, so she was headed toward his room - mostly so that by the time he got back, she would look annoyingly comfortable in _his_ room, as if she owned it. Plus, she'd be able to see the injuries of the day and hear his grumbles, allowing her to tell when in the storyline she was - for example, just the other day, he'd complained to himself about Reborn tricking him and his friends (subordinates) into a fight with 'Hibari-san' over the Reception Room…

* * *

"Hibari Kyoya was tested today by Dame-Tsuna and his subordinates," Reborn told Lambo as he hopped off Tsuna's head and onto the bed next to her - both of them ignoring Tsuna's denials of having 'subordinates'. "Your earlier assessment of his skills was accurate - he'll most definitely be useful in the future."

"Useful for what, Reborn?! And why'd you have to trick us into a fight with him?! Yamamoto-kun and Gokudera-kun almost got sent to the hospital, and Hibari-san's definitely going to beat me up if he ever sees me again!" Tsuna moaned in despair, clutching at his head as he slumped over at his desk.

"You shouldn't think about it like that, Doormat-guy," Lambo told him absently, flipping a page in yet another of the manga she'd pilfered from his stash. "Hibari seems like the kind of guy who beats people up for no reason other than he feels like it - so your little confrontation probably didn't affect the chance of it happening either way."

"…Meaning it's still extremely likely that he'll beat me up," Tsuna's hand went subconsciously to the dark bruise on his cheek that he had acquired from Hibari's beat down. He winced, and his head thumped onto the desktop in dejection.

"Cheer up - real life combat is the best way to get stronger," she disregarded his anguish.

"I told him the same thing earlier, but he didn't care," Reborn commented, a sadistic glint appearing in his eyes. "…maybe he needs to experience a bit more real life combat in order to see exactly how beneficial it can be."

Tsuna's signature girly shriek echoed throughout the house.

* * *

Shaking her head at the memory, Lambo walked through the Sawadas' gate and into the yard. Before entering the house, she peeked through the window. If Nana was home, she'd walk right through the front door, and offer to help with whatever chore she would most likely be busily working at; if Bianchi was present, she'd climb the tree in the front yard and go through Tsuna's window.

A grimace crossed her lips as she saw a flash of pink hair, and a plume of sickly purple smoke emitting from the kitchen. Tree climbing it was.

Oddly enough, she had barely gotten through the first chapter of a new manga volume (pilfered from Tsuna's stash), when she heard the front door opening and closing. Followed closely by the sound of the downstairs bathroom's faucet turning on, and a loud exclamation of 'WHAT THE HELL?!'

That was Tsuna's slightly girly yelling voice. He should be at school for at least forty more minutes, so what unusual event had caused him to come home?

"THE SKULL IS TALKING!"

'Oh. This is when he gets Skull Disease.' Lambo blinked for a moment, before turning her attention back to her manga. She paused again before she could actually read the next page. '…wait a sec… _Skull Disease_. Otherwise known as 'Embarrassing-yourself-before-death-disease'. Or, my interpretation: 'The Ultimate-Blackmail-Gatherer'.'

A wicked smirk crossed her face, and she quickly tossed the manga aside, hopping back out the window (landing with barely a thump, despite the two-story drop), and sprinting down the street toward her house. She needed a camera.

Thankfully, she managed to get to her house and back fairly quickly, and she arrived at the Sawada house just in time to see Kyoko leaving (after dropping off some books on boxing from her older brother) - and more importantly, Tsuna in his room, shirtless, with his most embarrassing secrets pasted all over his body.

She didn't even bother climbing into the room, simply taking the first picture from the tree branch outside. Thankfully, the camera was very quiet, and she didn't have the flash on, so she was able to take several pictures without Tsuna noticing - and though Shamal and Reborn had both noticed her the minute she perched outside the window, they didn't exactly care that she was gathering blackmail.

Stealthily creeping into the room while Tsuna had his back turned, she took a few more pictures, before hiding the camera and settling back in her previous position on the bed. After all, while having your target know that you have blackmail on them is all fine and dandy, if they're completely unaware, it makes the moment you reveal your leverage that much sweeter. And Lambo was always a fan of sweets. (and that completely devastated look people got when they realized she knew their deepest, darkest secrets.)

Tsuna took that moment to turn around, only to find his bodyguard lounging comfortably on his bed, staring at him. His sadistic, opportunistic bodyguard. Staring at him. While he had the most embarrassing things about himself _ever_ written all over his body. His body that was currently completely on display with the exception of his boxer shorts (which had become a surprisingly common occurrence since Reborn arrived).

A strangled, shrill squawk of mortification escaped his mouth as his face flushed deeply with humiliation, and he dashed toward a discarded shirt on the floor. "H-how long have you been there?!" he asked in trepidation as he hastily shrugged the shirt on.

"Long enough to know that you once had a bean stuck up you nose and had to go to the hospital to get it removed," Lambo deadpanned, a barely-there smirk curling the corner of her lips. And technically, she wasn't lying - just omitting the fact that she had gotten there a little sooner than what she was insinuating.

Tsuna's flush rapidly disappeared as he paled at the thought of her knowing anything like that. He was considering his options about how to get her to not tell anyone (Though they were limited to groveling shamelessly or bribing her - but he doubted she was sympathetic enough for the begging to work, and he shuddered at the thought of exactly how costly the bribe would have to be…), when Lambo herself interrupted his thoughts.

"That's Skull Disease, right?" Lambo asked in a semi-interested tone, turning to lie on her stomach, and resting her chin on her arms. "I heard that it's a very quick worker - how long do you have left? If you kick the bucket in a way that's not related to assassins or physical violence, I can get out of this job and still get the departure bonus."

Tsuna paled further at the reminder of his imminent death (and also a little bit at the fact that she was considering whether or not she'd be eligible for a _bonus_ depending on the way he died…), and quickly turned pleading, teary eyes toward Shamal, who recoiled in disgust at receiving such a look from a _guy_.

Lambo examined his expression for a moment. 'Huh… maybe he only resembles a small, cute animal (instead of just a wimp) when he's about to cry…' she pondered. '…does that make me a sadist for thinking that? Or do I have a creepy crying fetish? Except I'm generally not attracted to guys who cry a lot, so I don't think it's that…'

While Lambo was contemplating odd fetishes, Shamal wasted no more time in releasing his mosquito that carried Angel Disease. (Because despite his disdain for treating those of the male persuasion, not only did he feel extreme pity for Tsuna because of the fact that he hadn't ever spoke to a girl until two months ago - as was written on his back thanks to the disease - but if he had actually let the Tenth Vongola Boss, even if just a candidate-in-training at the moment, die in front of him, it would have been very bad for business.)

Tsuna's body sagged in relief as he saw the skull 'tattoos' and their embarrassing speech bubbles disappear. Unfortunately, the feeling completely vanished when he looked up and saw Shamal staring at Lambo. The extremely perverted, kissing-freak Shamal. Staring at his sadistic, indifferent, capable-of-mass-destruction bodyguard, who had an extremely selective personal bubble.

He felt as though he was watching a train wreck. What would the state of his room be after Shamal inevitably tried to grope Lambo? Would he even have a room left? Would he even have a _house _left?! He shut his eyes, not wanting to see the inevitable carnage.

"It's been a while, hasn't it Shamal?" Lambo's surprisingly amiable voice sounded from the vicinity of the doctor.

"Much to my displeasure, my sweet lady lamb!" Shamal exclaimed in an adoring, flattering manner.

Tsuna peeked over at them through squinted eyes, half-expecting Lambo, contrary to her tone of voice, to be kneeing Shamal in the nuts for some past offense. Instead, his eyeballs nearly squeezed out between their nearly-shut lids in utter shock at the sight that met them.

Lambo had leaned over slightly, and placed a small smooch on the doctor's cheek before withdrawing. She was even _smiling_ - and not the sadistic smile she got when threatening someone (mostly him), or the sarcastic 'who, me?' smile she wore when mocking someone (also mostly him). It was a genuine, if somewhat small, smile.

And Shamal wasn't groping her, either.

"Wha..?!" Tsuna squeaked in astonishment.

"Oh good, you two already know each other. No need for introductions then," Reborn commented from his position on Tsuna's desk, though he was a bit curious as to _how_ they knew each other - and why Shamal was actually restraining himself from his usual gropage of an attractive female.

Lambo noticed his unspoken interest. "Shamal oversaw my health when I was going through a regimen of ingesting progressively stronger poisons in order to gain a resistance to them," she told the hitman.

Tsuna was stunned that anyone would willingly consume toxins. Then he remembered Bianchi and her grudge against Lambo. 'Still… I just can't imagine Lambo willingly exerting herself like that… she's so lazy.'

Reborn nodded thoughtfully. "I'm a little surprised - most women would go to a different physician. To ensure professional behavior."

Lambo gave him an impassive look at the fishing for information. Though she did have to admit, a woman _willingly_ going to Shamal for anything less than something life-threatening was a bit out of the ordinary.

"I don't like doctors - at least the usual ones," Lambo stated matter-of-factly. And who would after five years under a scalpel? "So Shamal's abnormal personality and laidback procedures made him a good choice for me," she said, pokerfaced. "And besides that, he is among the best at what he does, so it's not like I sacrificed any quality in order to have a doctor that doesn't make me want to slaughter him on principle."

"But he's a pervert, isn't he?!" Tsuna exclaimed, both disbelieving that any female would go anywhere near him - especially someone as picky about physical contact as his bodyguard. - and flabbergasted that it was because of his personality that she _didn't_ want to kill him. "How is it that he isn't trying to grope you or something?!"

Shamal gave the boy a condescending, yet pitying look. "Some women are like cats," he told him patronizingly. "They choose to display affection on their own terms. You have to let them come to you, instead of the other way around."

Lambo stared blankly at the pervert for a moment, before turning back to he charge, oddly in the mood for actually giving a cooperative explanation. "I try to show a small bit of affection toward him in order to prevent that - like a preemptive strike. And besides that, he knows that if he tried to sexually harass me, I'd cut off his di-"

"OKAY! I get the picture!" Tsuna yelped squeamishly, clapping his hands over his ears before his bodyguard could finish her sentence.

"Anyway, Shamal, after I get off Doormat-duty (her preferred name for body guarding Tsuna) tonight, you want to do our usual?" Lambo turned back to her doctor friend.

"When would I not want to?" Shamal asked, a perverted smirk on his lips, not at all fazed by her previous threatening talk.

"That's good. We can catch up, have a drink or two -" Lambo thought aloud. ('Aren't you way too young to drink alcohol?!' Tsuna shouted in alarm. Silly Tsuna. She grew up in _Italy_. She'd had her first sip of booze at her fifth birthday party - though technically, around that point, she'd been at the legal age _mentally_.)

"-and look at the eye candy while we do it!" Shamal finished with an expectant grin. Lambo shot him a thumbs up.

Tsuna stared at both of them with a blank face. '…that's the real reason why you don't care if he's a pervert - you're almost as bad as he is!'

* * *

Fortunately for Lambo, the day after her night on the town with Shamal was the last of the preparation days for the Namimori Middle School Athletic Fest - meaning Tsuna was staying late at school in order to help out.

Meaning she had plenty of time to get over her slight hangover.

Thankfully, Shamal had been thoughtful enough to leave her one of his extra 'hangover cure' concoctions before he departed after a particularly pretty lady he had been eyeing at the bar. (She had left just after that, only lightly buzzed - though she was sure the doctor had stayed much, much later) She chugged down the remedy - pinching her nose to help bock out the god-awful taste as she did so - and rinsed out her mouth, before stepping into her shower for a warm, lengthy soak under the spray.

'The Athletic Festival, huh…?' she thought to herself, lathering her hair with her favorite cedar-scented shampoo. 'That's with the Pole-Knocking event, right? It would be fun to watch Tsuna fail epically and then see the whole thing devolve into a brawl…'

"But Bianchi will be there," she said out loud with a slight shudder of revulsion, scrubbing herself that much harder at the thought of the Poison Scorpion.

'Not to mention Hibari might recognize me even if I did go in my younger form… and apparently, I haven't done such a great job at avoiding his violent fixation… and that might make him decide to come after me instead of oppose Tsuna in the Pole-Knocking, which wouldn't be half as funny.'

After a moment longer pondering over the issue, she shrugged to herself. 'I guess I'll just ask Reborn or Nana to tape it for me.'

Shower contemplations done with, Lambo turned the water valve off, and stepped onto the mat, grabbing her favorite fluffy purple towel from the sink counter. Despite it starting a couple hours later than usual, she still had a job to be on time for.

* * *

"Pff..!" Lambo pressed a hand to her mouth as she snorted slightly. She reached a hand over to the side table to grab another handful of popcorn from the large bowl resting there.

"SHUT UP!" Tsuna yelled in embarrassment from his position on the opposite side of the couch.

"But you're so pathetic that it would be impossible," Lambo stated plainly, pointing a slightly buttery finger at the television screen, which was playing the home video of the Athletics Festival.

More specifically, it was currently playing the pogo stick race - in which Tsuna placed last.

"I was sick, you know. High fever and everything," he told his bodyguard defensively. "I still have a slight cold from falling in the river the day before the Festival."

Lambo looked contemplatively at her popcorn bowl, completely ignoring Tsuna's words as he fumed in humiliation. "I should probably stop eating this while I'm watching; I might end up choking to death if I start laughing while I try to swallow."

At that moment, Nana came into the room with a basketful of newly-dried laundry, cutting her son off from the rude comment he was about to make. ('No no, keep eating it - I _hope_ you choke to death.') She rested the basket on the back of the couch for a moment as she watched as well.

"It was such a memorable Athletics Festival, Lambo-chan. It's such a shame you couldn't make it," Nana sighed in disappointment, resting a hand on her cheek. She brightened slightly. "And Tsu-kun was even the leader of his team! He was up there during the Pole-Knocking and everything!"

Lambo bit back a smirk and turned it into a smile to aim at her older friend instead. "It is too bad. But at least Reborn taped the whole thing, so I can share in the memories anyway."

"Reborn-chan is so thoughtful, isn't he?" Nana asked with a smile as she continued toward the linen closet to put away the sheets.

There was a silence on the couch for a moment, before Lambo aimed a sideways smirk at her charge, who was currently staring disbelievingly in the direction his mother had left, mouthing the words 'Reborn, thoughtful!?'.

"Pole-Knocking, eh?" she asked, grabbing the remote and pressing the fast-forward button. "That should be interesting."

Tsuna whipped around in horror, his plans of somehow sabotaging the tape before his bodyguard reached that part going up in smoke. Still, his body didn't seem to catch up to his thought process, and instinctively lunged for the remote in Lambo's hands.

A second later, he realized the position he was in - namely, half-draped over his bodyguard, with his face only a couple inches away from hers. He froze up in horror as he saw the eerie glare covering her face. 'Hie! I'm going to die, I'm dead, dead, dead!' he shrieked inwardly, trying to get his locked up muscles to work and _get away_ from the homicidal-looking girl.

Of course, around just then, his luck kicked in, and things were made infinitely worse than just an invasion of Lambo's personal space. His face, already scrunched up in terror, twisted even further as he felt a certain urge creeping up on him. A potentially fatal urge when in the position he was in.

Unfortunately for Tsuna, he couldn't hold it in until he got out of her personal bubble. So he sneezed. Directly onto the face only a couple inches in front of his.

Time seemed to stop for a moment as both of them took in what had just happened. Then the temperature of the room dropped drastically, and Lambo's snot-covered face shifted into a glare that said 'I'm-seriously-considering-violating-the-terms-of-my-contract-in-order-to-kill-you-right-now'.

In a lightning fast movement, Lambo reached out and clamped onto Tsuna's shirt collar with a steel-like fist. She calmly used his shirt to wipe her face off, before roughly shoving his backwards toward the other side of the couch once more.

Petrified, he sat there shaking as he watched her stand from her seat and walk toward the downstairs bathroom to wash off the residue. He paled to the point of looking like a corpse as he processed her departing words.

"If I get sick from this, I'm going to sew your nostrils shut. Any future sneezes will either make your eyeballs pop out, or have you choking on your own snot when it goes down your throat."

He really hoped she had a good immune system.

The tape fast-forwarded to its end and popped out of the VCR, but Tsuna was too busy contemplating his awful luck to bother with his plan of destroying it.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Ironically enough, the main reason it took so long to write out this new chapter was because I've been down with a two-week long cold. I've gone through like fifty cough drops and about four boxes of tissues - and not the smaller, cube-shaped ones; the bigger, rectangular ones.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter (and the fact that colds can't be caught over the internet.) A lot of it is filler, but it has some key things in it - and it's longer than usual.

(Mostly, the non-canon stuff I'll sometimes throw in is because with a different Lambo, there are going to be different events in the 'chapters' that center on her. Like instead of 'who's going to baby-sit Lambo', something like this chapter will happen.)

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Seventeen

* * *

As it turned out, Lambo did indeed get sick from Tsuna's involuntary snot-attack.

Fortunately for the hapless 'I-don't-want-to-be-a-mafia-boss', she didn't follow through with her threat - the money for protecting him was just too good, and it wouldn't pay to maim the future Vongola Boss. Of course, that didn't mean she wouldn't take revenge - it would simply be less permanent; and _maybe _a little less mentally scarring, if she was in a better mood by the time she saw him next.

But anyway, she had gotten sick only the day after said snot-attack - and threatening to make the danger to Tsuna's mental health even more severe than before, the 'day after' happened to be one of her days off. And not only had the cold snuck up on her on a day off, but she hadn't even been able to get started on her plans for the day. Instead, she had woken up with a wheezing cough and extremely sore throat, not helped at all by the copious amounts of snot sliding down it. She had gone through numerous boxes of tissues trying to make her sinuses feel a little less like they were stuffed with cotton.

That threat of sewing up Tsuna's nostrils shut seemed better and better with each tissue…

But gruesome thoughts of defacement aside, Lambo was sick. Sick to the point that it would make a normal (see: non-mafia) person bedridden for multiple days at the very least. And her health hadn't gotten much better by the next morning, when she had Doormat-duty again. So, with a croaky voice, and sniffling slightly into the receiver, she had called Reborn that morning, and told him that he would have to pick up the slack of Tsuna's security at least for the day. Agreeing that it wouldn't do to have a partially incapacitated bodyguard around as a potential liability, Reborn had told her to take as much time off as she needed to recover.

It seemed unusually generous of the Arcobaleno hitman, so Lambo was a little suspicious that he had some sort of scheme in mind that would take advantage of her illness. Then again, she wasn't exactly upset or anything at the thought - especially since Reborn's schemes usually involved Tsuna, the cause for her current poor health, getting beaten up/in trouble. So she shrugged it off, and called the next person on her mental list: the neighbor boy, who would be willing to get some groceries for her - he was used to doing odd jobs for her because he had been doing it for as long as she had live in Namimori.

Groceries notwithstanding, she was, of course, correct about Reborn's scheming.

As soon as she had hung up, Reborn had told Tsuna of his bodyguard's illness over the breakfast table. Tsuna was torn between utter terror at the fact that he _had_ actually gotten his bodyguard sick (he didn't want sewn up nostrils!), and hesitant gladness at the fact that he would have twenty-four more hours of Lambo-free time in addition to her day off.

Surprisingly, Reborn wasn't the one to burst the bubble of tentative hope rising in his chest.

"Lambo-chan is sick?" Nana asked in dismay, nearly dropping the frying pan in which she had been making another omelet for the hungry boys at the table. "That's awful! She almost never gets sick, but when she does, it's usually quite severe," she fretted slightly. A second later, however, she turned toward her son with a determined expression. "Tsu-kun, I'm going to make my special 'get-well-soon' soup for Lambo-chan, so when it's done this afternoon, I want you to deliver it to her," she told him firmly, sliding the done omelet onto his plate.

She then bustled toward the pantry to get the ingredients needed for her soup, leaving Tsuna to mouth wordlessly in horror as he stared at her retreating back.

"Don't even try to back out of this, Dame-Tsuna. You (as a mafia boss and as a middle-schooler) should always respect your mother's wishes. Plus, Lambo would be a very advantageous addition to the Vongola Family, and you haven't been making a good impression on her so far," Reborn told his student plainly. "I'll be going with you to make sure you don't mess anything up." He somehow managed to look even more threatening than usual, despite the fact that he was only eating his breakfast.

'That's even worse than if I just went alone!' Tsuna snapped inwardly at his tutor, though he didn't dare verbalize it. A large sigh escaped his lips as he reached for his omelet, only to find it gone from his plate. He looked up in slight confusion, only for his mood to worsen as he saw Reborn finishing the last bite of _his_ omelet.

'This day is only going to get worse - I can tell,' Tsuna thought miserably.

* * *

'It definitely got worse,' Tsuna thought to himself, a half-grimace, half-placating smile on his face while he tried to keep the large pot of soup in his arms from spilling as he was jostled between his two friends. Gokudera's yells at Yamamoto were slowly deafening his ear (his right one, of course, as Gokudera wouldn't walk on the other side).

His self-proclaimed right-hand man had arrived early that morning, wanting to spend the day they had off from school with his beloved boss. As soon as he had heard that Tsuna was going over to Lambo's house, he immediately decided to tag along - ironically wanting to bodyguard him against his bodyguard. (He had also offered to carry the heavy pot of soup, but Reborn had shot them both a _look_ that had automatically rescinded the offer for him. Tsuna had been slightly wary of Gokudera's offer anyway, with the expression the bomber had had on his face when he heard it was for _Lambo_. After all, his sister _was_ the Poison Scorpion - who knew if he had inherited the same _talent_ in the kitchen?)

Yamamoto, on the other hand, had been walking to the local park to practice baseball. When he had seen his two best friends (though a certain bomber would certainly disagree with the label) walking somewhere together, Tsuna holding a large container of soup, the baseball player was naturally curious. After hearing that Lambo wasn't feeling well, he had decided to tag along as well in order to visit his sick friend, despite the protests of Gokudera (both at him coming and the reference to Lambo as _anyone's_ friend).

And despite the fact that his friends' arrivals had made Reborn decide to watch from a distance instead of breathing down Tsuna's neck (in order to see if Tsuna could act politely, as _well_ as keep his subordinates in line without his outside interference), the short brunet was still definitely not having fun.

"So which one is Lambo-chan's house again?" Yamamoto asked his 'boss', combing over the houses that lined the street with sharp, curious eyes.

Tsuna awkwardly balanced the soup pot half on his upraised knee as he fished a scrap of paper out of his pants' pocket. He read the number written in his mother's familiar script. "Uh…it says number 5050..."

All three boys looked up, only to find a medium-height stone wall - taller than the one around the Sawada's yard - covered in beautifully blooming wisteria vines. A small patch of the purple flowers was cleared away above the mail slot, showing elegant golden numbers that spelled out the exact number they were looking for.

"So how are we going to get in, Tenth? Climb over the gate?" Gokudera asked eagerly, wanting to get the entire thing over with as quickly as possible - though if he could find something to use on the stupid sheep while they were inside her house, he wouldn't be averse to it.

Tsuna looked at his 'right-hand-man' disbelievingly. Not only was he carrying a rather heavy and cumbersome pot, but the gate wasn't the usual metal-bars kind, which could be climbed by most determined teenagers. It was a solid, tall slab of dark, unyielding steel, with no footholds whatsoever - though the engravings etched onto the surface were interesting to look at.

"Haha, that sounds fun, Gokudera-kun!" Yamamoto told him cheerily. "But it wouldn't be very polite. Besides, there's a buzzer right there!" he said, pointing out a small button on the wall next to the gate.

Tsuna gulped quietly As he stared at the button. 'It's like I'm about to enter the lair of the beast...!' he thought to himself fearfully. He hesitated for a moment, before the reminder that Reborn would be _watching_ forced him into action.

He pressed the button.

Half-expecting the button to bite his finger off, Tsuna was relieved to hear the completely normal buzzing noise that played from the speaker below the button. He heard a tiny whirring noise that usually came from machinery, and out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a small camera hidden behind some of the ivy, turning to point at the three boys.

A second later, there was a small clunking noise as the gate unlocked.

"I'll go first, Tenth!" Gokudera volunteered gravely, reaching forward to push open the large gate, his other hand holding a few dynamite sticks at the ready. "If there are any traps, you'll be safer behind me."

The gate swung open.

Tsuna gaped in wonderment at the sight before him. While Lambo's house was built in the same basic structure as the others on the street - including his own - it looked so completely different that it was astonishing.

In contrast to the plain outside of Tsuna's house, Lambo's was completely covered in plants or decorations of some sort. A thick carpet of small green plants covered the roof entirely, and more flourishing wisteria vines climbed the walls. Hanging from the awning or her porch were numerous wind chimes or all shapes and sizes, mixed in with small ornaments of glittering, colored glass. There were two huge plum blossom trees on either side of the path to the door, with even more wind chimes hung from their branches, and large, flowering, light-purple lilac bushes that lined the inside of the wall, perfuming the entire yard with a sweet floral scent

It was like stepping into some kind of fairy land.

'So why do I still have that really ominous feeling of impending doom!?' Tsuna thought hysterically, clutching the soup pot to his chest like a comfort blanket.

"Wow, Lambo-chan has a really cool house!" Yamamoto exclaimed in awe, looking at his surroundings in wonder.

Gokudera examined the house, or more specifically the roof, with a sense of grudging respect. "And sensible too. She's got _Sempervivum tectorum_ growing on her roof," he told the other two. At their blank looks, he clarified further. "It's also called Common Houseleek - but the more important names all have names that reference back to gods of lightning, like Thor's Beard, or Jupiter's Eye. It's got magical properties that protect against thunderstorms," he explained with an enthusiastic gleam in his eyes.

'I'd forgotten that Gokudera-kun believed in stuff like magic and aliens…' Tsuna thought with a sweat-drop.

The three boys walked up the path - Gokudera still keeping a paranoid eye out for traps, Yamamoto admiring the scenery, and Tsuna trying to fight off his sense of mounting trepidation.

"What the hell!?" Gokudera exclaimed as they stepped onto the porch, staring at the small sign attached to the wall next to the door.

The two native Japanese boys looked at the small plaque curiously, as it was written in English, and they weren't exactly the best of students. It looked pleasant enough, depicting a beautiful pasture with a few fluffy, grazing sheep, with the words written in a cheery font above them in the sky.

"It says 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.' - what the hell is wrong with that dumb sheep?"

Yamamoto laughed at the 'joke'. Tsuna whimpered slightly.

Gokudera reached brusquely for the door, though with caution. He had, after all, been involved with the mafia his entire life. He knew that a warning like that could turn out chillingly valid - especially when entering a completely unknown territory.

Before his hand could even touch the doorknob, the door swung open with an menacing creak.

The boys hesitated on the threshold - especially Tsuna, who was cowering behind the other two as much as he dared, what with Reborn watching his 'performance' for suitable mafia-boss behavior.

Tsuna, whose imagination had conjured up images of some kind of horror house - or at the very least, expensive and intimidating Italian décor that screamed 'mafia' - was surprised to instead find himself in a modestly furnished, homey entrance hallway. The floor was a dark colored wood, and the walls were painted a muted, coffee brown to match. There were two enlarged photographs of lightning strikes, hung on either side of the hall like they were paintings.

There was also no one there. So how had the door been opened?

Somewhat freaked out despite the warm atmosphere of Lambo's home (Though as for actual temperature, it was almost chilly compared to warm summer weather outdoors), Tsuna nervously slid his shoes off and set them next to another pair that was presumably his bodyguard's. The other two boys followed suit, and they all stood there awkwardly for a moment, not sure what to do next.

"So where did Lambo-chan go? Why not stick around after opening the door for us?" Yamamoto asked curiously, looking at the interior of the mysterious girl's house with interest.

"Che. If the stupid cow is going to be rude, we should just find the kitchen, drop the soup off and leave," Gokudera grumbled, eyes roving the walls as he kept a lookout for any kind of danger.

"Hey, that's not very nice, Gokudera," Yamamoto chided with a slight frown. "Aren't visits like this are to show support for the sick person, to show that you care for them? Leaving so soon, without even saying hello wouldn't do that. Not to mention it'd be kinda rude."

Tsuna, who had been all for following Gokudera's idea, flinched slightly at Yamamoto's words, Reborn's threat to make a better impression on Lambo echoing inside his mind.

"It's not an echo, Dame-Tsuna."

Tsuna shrieked a bit in shock, the soup in the pot nearly sloshing over the rim as he jumped. His head whipped around toward the words, only to see Reborn, standing on the ground next to the footwear, dressed as a shoe. (Leon was morphed into a neon green shoelace, woven through the costume's eyelets.)

"Yamamoto's right. You're here to make Lambo think of you as _not_ useless and incompetent - and entering someone's house without even greeting them is just bad manners," Reborn declared.

Just then, the door behind them creaked as it slowly closed. The boys all whipped around, only to see no one there.

"M-maybe it was the wind?" Tsuna suggested nervously, brown eyes flickering from the ominously self-moving door and the suddenly that-much-more-threatening-seeming hallway that led into the depths of Lambo's house.

"But the wind chimes outside weren't playing, so it couldn't have been," Yamamoto remarked with a slight sweat-drop.

Gokudera's bangs shadowed his eyes. "…I always knew something was wrong with that stupid sheep!" He declared. "To live so comfortably in such an obviously haunted house… She must be a witch!"

'There's nothing 'obvious' about that Gokudera-kun!' Tsuna thought with a blank face.

"Haha, maybe that's why Hibari hasn't been able to beat her up yet!" Yamamoto joked laughingly. "She uses her supernatural powers to beat him!"

'You too Yamamoto-kun!' Tsuna thought disbelievingly.

"Shouldn't you guys be finding the kitchen? While you shouldn't just drop off the soup and leave, it might be better to put it down before Dame-Tsuna spills it," Reborn noted, as the liquid had nearly spilled over once more when Tsuna had whipped around to see what had shut the door.

Thankfully for Tsuna's nerves, and the soup's un-spilled status, the kitchen was quickly found because there was only a waist-high divider between it and the sitting room - and said living room was directly connected to the entrance hallway. So they easily spotted it from the hall's doorway, and Tsuna hastily deposited the soup pot on the marble countertop while the other visitors nosed about the sitting room.

The flooring had changed to a thick, squishy dark brown carpeting, and there were cushy-looking pieces of furniture in a rich, dark green color arranged around the room.

"Lambo-chan must really like lightning storms," Yamamoto commented as he noted that there were more high-quality photographs of lightning strikes hung on the sitting room's walls.

"I bet that's the time she can work her darkest magic!" Gokudera declared, suspiciously looking around the room for a half-hidden cauldron, or some kind of blood-smeared ritual circle.

Tsuna sweat-dropped again at his self-proclaimed right-hand-man. 'Gokudera-kun, despite the fact the Lambo is weird, I don't think there's anything like _that_ going on-'

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a low, doleful-sounding moaning noise coming from another room in the house. He freaked out lightly, wondering if he should revise his opinion on the house being haunted somehow.

"See! That must be the vengeful spirit of a murder victim that was buried underneath the house!" Gokudera sounded disturbingly enthusiastic at the thought of a potentially homicidal ghost being close at hand.

"Maybe Lambo-chan got bored and she's testing out special effects for Halloween!" Yamamoto suggested cheerily. "It's a lot more popular where she's from, right?"

'Except Halloween is at the end of October...' Tsuna thought to himself disbelievingly, looking around nervously for the source of the disturbing noise. '… and I wouldn't put it past her to have creepy things in her house for _no reason at all_…'

A quiet scratching noise echoed eerily throughout the room, steadily getting louder with each passing second.

Tsuna started edging toward the doorway, farther away from the noise, and closer to the front door.

"A mafia boss must be fearless in the face of uncertainty," a spooky voice sounded from directly behind his head.

Tsuna's head whipped around, only to see a pasty white face directly in front of him.

The boy shrieked loudly in reaction, stumbling backward until his back hit the wall, a hand clutching at his chest. He sighed in equal parts relief and frustration when he realized it was just Reborn - dressed in spotless white burial robes, and sporting a long, tangled, pitch-black wig and ashen powder makeup coating his baby face. He was also suspended from the ceiling by a suspiciously green colored rope.

The stereotypical image of an Japanese specter. Well, except for the rope. But still, you can't exactly expect actual levitation from someone - even if they are a magical mafia baby.

(Somewhere, a magical mafia baby named Viper - currently going by the name Mammon - sneezed simultaneously alongside his pet frog, causing the illusion he was using to go out of control and kill the guy he was trying to extort the location of a large sum of cash from. He involuntarily frowned in frustration, earning him a pinch on his puffy cheeks from a blood-covered, tiara-wearing blond.)

"Haha, cool costume kid - you getting into the Halloween _spirit _too?" Yamamoto punned cheekily.

Still, despite the costume, Reborn was just as Reborn as usual - namely, he was pointing a gun at his cowardly student, erasing all thoughts of possible escape from an unwanted situation.

Resigning himself to an unpleasant traipse through a horror house, trying to find the equally unpleasant (to him at least) owner of said house - most likely even more unpleasant than usual toward him because of the snot-attack thing - Tsuna timidly edged back toward the hallway.

Knowing Reborn, he wouldn't let them leave until he found Lambo, and Tsuna didn't want to see just how much creepier the place could get at night.

* * *

The gate buzzer sounded off for the second time that day, and the admitted person walked into the yard, stepping with a level of comfort that spoke of familiarity through countless times of doing the same thing.

"I still don't see why she needs the huge gate and the camera…" the person grumbled to himself as he resituated the bags he had shifted in order to press the buzzer button. "It's not like Namimori is a crime-ridden town or anything - especially with Hibari 'enforcing the discipline' all the time…"

"And while I could see her getting on someone's nerves easily, it's not like she'd ever be in contact with the kind of person that it would be dangerous to irritate…" he continued mumbling, shifting his grip on the bags once again while he fished a small key out of his pocket as he walked up the porch steps.

"So I can't see the point in-" his words abruptly stopped, his eyes widening enormously behind his glasses as he noticed the door had small scratch marks near the bottom. He stared silently for a moment, before slowly shifting his elbow forward, and pushing against the door.

It swung open as if there was no doorknob or lock in the first place.

His bangs shadowed his eyes as he stood in the doorway, trembling for a moment. Then he swiftly set the grocery bags down on the porch, and ran inside.

"Someone broke into Lambo's house…!" he muttered to himself worriedly, as he rushed to see if she was okay, ignoring the sudden pain in his stomach.

Of course, if he had been a little less hasty, he would have realized that no kind of intruder intent on thievery or violence would politely remove their shoes. And if he had put the groceries away in the kitchen like usual, he would have definitely realized that they wouldn't bring soup over, either.

* * *

The creepy growling and groaning noise had been following them since they left the sitting room, Tsuna noted nervously. And every time he looked behind him to try and see the source of such a disturbing sound, he never saw anything - except an occasional flash of bright, lurid yellow that reminded him of the eyes of some kind of predatory beast.

Of course, that only made him all the more nervous. Especially when he recalled his previous musings upon what kind of eldritch abomination Lambo might keep for a pet.

'Maybe she likes both cute, pleasant things _and _scary, monstrous things?' he thought to himself uneasily, remembering that she had doted almost uncharacteristically on the alley cats.

He didn't think whatever was following them, making that awful noise, was a sweet, little alley cat. Mostly because he had just caught a glimpse of the thing and it looked_ huge_.

Like, 'big enough to eat his head without having to open its mouth too widely' huge.

Particularly unnerved by the most recent noise, especially in conjunction with his thoughts of head-eating, Tsuna ducked into the next doorway they came across, and as soon as the other boys followed him in, shut the door firmly behind them.

A low, impressed whistle came from Yamamoto as they all looked around the new room.

It was a small, rectangular-shaped room, but no less interesting for its size. The walls were hand painted like the inside of a thunderstorm, roiling grey clouds interspersed with brilliant streaks of light. The lighting was dim, the only illumination coming from a few brass lamps hung on the walls, lending a mysterious feel to the atmosphere, and making the walls look like the storm was moving.

On the far side of the room, in the corners, were two large busts on small, sturdy tables made of dark wood. In between the two tables with the busts was a large display case, filled with what looked to be tubes of rock. Hanging on the wall above it was a thin and long dark green cloth, decorated with lightning bolts.

The boys stepped forward, not only curious about the busts, but about exactly what could be so special that someone like Lambo would put it on display.

One bust depicted a man with a winged helmet, torso clad in armor, and clutching a large war hammer in his gauntleted hand. The other was of a man with long, curly hair, a full, equally curly beard, torso half-covered with a toga, and a proud-looking eagle perched on his shoulder.

"Jeez, going a little far with the lightning theme, isn't she?" Gokudera scoffed slightly as he examined the busts.

Reborn raised an eyebrow from where he was standing on Yamamoto's shoulder, once again dressed in his usual snappy suit. 'Considering the Black Sheep is known for causing electrical burns on her captives… no,' he thought to himself wryly, looking around the room with just as much interest as the boys.

"Who are these busts of?" Yamamoto asked curiously, leaning down toward the one with a hammer.

Gokudera scoffed at the baseball player. "Obviously they're Thor and Zeus - only an idiot wouldn't realize that considering the theme that sheep has throughout her entire house."

Tsuna looked away from Gokduera with an awkward, ironic expression. '…I guess that means I'm an idiot…' he thought to himself, knowing that Gokudera would never have said that if the bomber had known that his 'boss' didn't know the answer either.

Trying to prevent another indirect insult to his intelligence - which is what would happen if Yamamoto asked - Tsuna spoke up. "What are those things in the display case?"

Inside the case were odd formations, looking a bit like hollow tree roots made out of some kind of earthy substance. The tubes ranged in size from a couple inches to a couple feet, and came in a variety of colors from black or tan to green or even a translucent white

"They're called fulgurites - 'fulgur' being the Latin word for thunderbolt. They're made when lightning strikes the ground and superheats soil that has the materials needed to make glass in it," Reborn described, surprisingly helpfully. "Lambo has quite the collection."

Tsuna thought that it was an unexpectedly cool hobby from Lambo. He'd thought she'd be someone to collect murder weapons or something. The boy placed a hand on the edge of the case, wanting to lean forward to see some of the fulgurites toward the back.

Of course, being Dame-Tsuna, his hand hit the button to turn up the volume on the speakers in the room. And being Dame-Tsuna, he immediately bolted back into the hall in fright when a shockingly loud noise of thunder and lightning blasted through his ears.

His friends, though equally startled, followed him out and down the hallway.

They never noticed the creature that had been following them was sitting outside the doorway, equally disgruntled at such a loud noise.

Tsuna, his nerves completely shot, ran up the stairs, and reached to open the first door he saw.

He didn't quite make it. Well, he _did_ go through the doorway, but not exactly in the way he had wanted.

Namely, he was tackled roughly, the force of the body hitting him caused his hand to turn the doorknob, and both he and his assailant tumbled to the ground inside the room.

"Look, I don't care if you're a thief, or a murderer, or just a pervert! But don't you dare hurt Lambo!" his attacker yelled as they struggled on the floor.

"What..!? I'm not!" Tsuna gurgled, both because of extreme shock, and because he was currently being strangled.

Thankfully for Tsuna's breathing, Gokudera yanked the other boy off him, yelling about the attack on his precious 'boss'. Yamamoto gave an awkwardly strained smile as he tried to keep Gokudera from murdering the other boy.

Even with Gokudera currently restraining him, the boy continued to rant threateningly as he wriggled in the bomber's steely grip. "Don't you try and make excuses! The front door was obviously forced open, and I just saw you trying to get into her bedroom, panting like some depraved lecher!"

Tsuna, grasping at his throat, sweat-dropped. 'The door was like that when we got here… and I was panting from sprinting up an entire flight of stairs!' he thought miserably. Then he turned white as a sheet. 'Lambo's bedroom…?'

"Wow. You guys are funny," a familiar voice spoke up from behind the commotion, if a lot more congested and croaky sounding than usual.

All four boys (and Reborn) turned their heads, only to see Lambo lounging between the pillows on her huge, four-poster bed, and staring at them with sleepy eyes. She reached over to the small pyramid of tissue boxes on her bedside table, blew her clogged-up nose, and threw the snotty tissue onto a huge, steadily-growing pile.

"Lambo, you're okay! I'm never doubting your paranoid precautions again!" the boy sagged in relief, slipping out of Gokudera's grip to the dark green carpet.

"Ne, Shoichi, these guys aren't trespassers, you know?" she said blankly to her red-headed, glasses-wearing neighbor. "They brought soup," she added, pointing to a large screen on the wall that was split into several different camera views. The top right one showed the kitchen, a large pot of soup sitting plainly on the counter.

Irie Shoichi twitched slightly, before gripping his abdomen as a sudden stomachache made itself known.

"Sho-chan was cute though, being all protective when he thought I was in trouble," Lambo smirked. Then she frowned, more of a pout than an expression of severe displeasure. "But you left my groceries on the porch. The ice-cream will melt. The marshmallows will get sticky." She turned her head away in mock sadness. "And to think, I had something extra special to give you once you were finished."

Shoichi switched from an embarrassed redness at being called cute, to alarm at the thought of not getting whatever gift Lambo had for him. After all, despite her oddities, she always gave the best presents. And with that, he rushed back out of the room, intent on putting away the groceries properly.

"Bring the cough drops and marshmallows back with you when you're done!" Lambo called after him. There was a moment of silence, before she turned toward the remaining visitors. "...so Tsuna's the type to lurk suspiciously outside a girl's bedroom, huh?" she asked loudly to 'herself'.

That broke the silence. Tsuna was flushing and stuttering out denials. Gokudera was trying to cuss her out for even thinking that the Tenth would do such a thing - and even if he had such inclinations, that she had the audacity to think he'd deign to perve on _her_. Yamamoto just laughed.

Shoichi soon came back, holding not only two jumbo bags - one of marshmallows and one of cough drops - but a gigantic, longhaired, smoky grey cat.

"I found him outside your display room. Apparently, the volume had been turned up all the way on your thunderstorm CD, and it freaked him out," the redhead explained as he handed over his cargo, ignoring the displeased look the feline was shooting at him.

Tsuna flinched back from the irritated cat, recognizing those glaring, yellow eyes as the same ones that had been following them around the house. He watched in disbelief as Lambo stood from her blanket cocoon to adoringly cuddle the giant of a cat in a hug - the animal quickly lost its grumpy air with the attentions of his owner, purring like a motor.

Then, he flushed like a tomato, realizing that Lambo's idea of pajamas was an oversized shirt that slipped off one of her shoulders combined with a pair of short shorts that could barely be seen below the hem of said shirt, giving the illusion that she wasn't wearing anything underneath it.

He promptly refocused his gaze on the bizarre sight of his scary, violent bodyguard cooing at her monster of a cat - he was as big as her entire torso - like he was a sweet little kitten. (He didn't want her to get irritated with him - she was being unexpectedly amiable at the moment, and he didn't want her to remember that she had threatened to sew up his nostrils.)

"You've met my kitty, right?" Lambo turned toward the boys, and held her cat up slightly higher. "He went to greet you as soon as you got here - he's always curious about new people, so he follows them around for a bit."

Tsuna took one look at the cat's expression - a hellish glare directed at everyone who wasn't Lambo (though Shoichi got a look that was more dismissive than hostile), and decided not to say anything either way.

"I hope he didn't alarm you. The front door is currently broken, so he likes to play with it by opening and closing it," Lambo continued, a knowing glint in her eye, and a hint of a smirk at the edge of her lips as she smoothed her hand over the cat's head. "And I've been told that his voice can be a bit peculiar to hear if you aren't used to it, no matter how sweet he is."

As if to add to his owner's words, the cat meowed, and out came a startlingly low and demonic sounding yowl.

'Sweet my ass!' Tsuna thought to himself, quickly smacking a hand over Gokudera's mouth when it seemed like the smoker was going to make a nasty comment. He didn't want Lambo - or the cat, for that matter - to try and maim him.

* * *

And so the soup was safely transported, the groceries were delivered, Tsuna was scared out of his wits by a cranky and territorial cat, and Shoichi met the future boss of the Vongola Family by tackling him through a doorway and accusing him of being a pervert.

Shoichi went home with a box of unique bazooka shells, intent on tinkering with them. Lambo had given him them, saying they were 'outdated' and she knew that he had a thing for unusual technology. (But mostly because she wanted to make sure the Future Arc happened - though he, of course, didn't know that.)

Tsuna on the other hand, went home with a large lump on his head, courtesy of Reborn and his Leon-mallet. Apparently 'suspiciously lurking pervert' didn't qualify as making a good impression.

* * *

*~OMAKE~*

There was a slightly awkward silence between the boys - after all, there had been tackling and strangling and accusations of perversion. (Though Gokudera was just staring at the cat, counting it as another point toward Lambo being a witch - after all, cats were witch's familiars, right?) Reborn and Lambo took no notice of it from where they were seated on the bed, introducing their respective animals to each other. Leon flicked out his tongue at the huge cat, who sniffed him in turn.

Yamamoto tilted his head as he watched the process - similarly undisturbed by the silence, though more out of obliviousness than indifference.

"Hey Lambo-chan, what's your cat's name?" he asked curiously. (Shoichi choked slightly at hearing his eccentric neighbor being addressed with that suffix. Even if he was fond of her, she wasn't exactly the type of person he'd associate with being called '-chan'.)

"Yuurei."

Tsuna's head whipped around. 'You mean it really was a ghost following us the whole time?!'

(A/N: A yuurei is basically the Japanese equivalent of ghosts in Western folklore. The name consists of two kanji (_yu_), meaning "faint" or "dim" and (_rei_), meaning "soul" or "spirit.")

Gokudera tallied up another 'witch point'.

* * *

*~OMAKE 2~*

Byakuran stared contemplatively at his redheaded roommate as Shoichi typed rapidly on his laptop. The white-haired man switched his gaze to the small snack cabinet they had in their dorm room.

"Neh, Sho-chan."

Shoichi looked up from his work with a questioning expression.

"How is it that you know which brand of marshmallows is the best, if you don't even eat them?"

*Flashback*

Lambo pouted at her errand boy. "I'm docking your pay."

"Huh!?" a younger Shoichi exclaimed. "What for?"

Her lip stuck out a bit farther, and she shoved a package an inch from his face. "You got the worst brand of marshmallows on the shelves!"

"…what's the difference?" Shoichi asked, somewhat exasperated with his weird neighbor.

Lambo's bangs shadowed her expression. "…what's the difference, you say? What's the difference?!" her head snapped up, a fanatical glint in her eyes that only appeared when Earl Grey, or sweets were involved. "Taste! Fluffiness! Squishiness! How well it turns into goo when you knead it between your fingers!"

Shoichi looked more and more bewildered by second.

Lambo stuck a finger in his face. "You're going to go to all the supermarkets in a nearby radius, and get a package of every brand of marshmallow they have. Then you're going to come back here, and I'll _make you taste the difference_."

*Flashback End*

Shoichi hunched over as his stomach acted up over the memory.

"Experience," he managed to say, answering both how he knew which brand to get - and why he never ate them.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Sorry about the wait, my dear readers. I've been having some troubles with my computer - like the clicking function not working, and other things. Thankfully, I'm getting a shiny new computer for Christmas, so there probably won't be any more delays of this kind.

Anyway, there area few matters to discuss before the actual chapter starts: One of the reviewers asked: "Since OC chick was reborn as Lambo, doesn't that mean it could be an alternate dimension than the original time line and that Byakuran takes this one over?" This is actually a good question, which I have already given prior thought to.

Since the world Lambo was 'assigned' for rebirth in was specifically labeled 'as written by Akira Amano', that basically means, for all intents and purposes, that Fem!Lambo is 'canon'. That's the reason some things seem to 'warp' around her - like Bianchi still hating her fifteen-year-old form; because I'm assuming Amano would write something like that in if her Lambo was in the same situation as my Lambo. Or for another example, in the other universes Byakuran has conquered, Amano would have written the other universes to have female Lambos as well, not male, toddler ones. Lampo might've even been female because of the deliberate 1st-Gen-10th-Gen parallels, if it weren't for the era the Vongola was originally founded in - which was male-dominated.

Thanks for asking - it's nice to know someone's getting that much into my story!

In other news - I'm sure some of you have noticed that I close the pairing poll! (if not, go check it out!) On that matter, I would like to say that while I appreciate all your votes and find your opinions interesting, the poll is not absolute or anything. The winner isn't sure to get paired with Lambo, nor are the losers sure not to be - I might not even write a real relationship in to the story at all, though I'll be sure to give you some teases~!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm trying to speed things along a bit so we can get to the more serious arcs… like Kokuyo~!

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Eighteen

* * *

Maybe it was because she was still getting over some lesser symptoms from her cold, but the next few canon events seemed to blur together as they sped by in Lambo's perspective. Not that she was complaining much - after all, considering she had determined the world seemed to be mostly following the events of the manga, (though she wouldn't rule out the idea of it being some sort of amalgamation of both manga _and _anime) the faster the 'Daily Life Arc' was finished, the sooner the serious fighting would start.

And she would admit that she had become something of a battle junky during her time in the world of mafia business. Even if the small break from life-or-death matters was somewhat refreshing, it would be nice to get back to what she knew best.

Speaking of what she knew best, the 'First Time Killing' incident went by quickly enough.

* * *

"At least now you've popped your killing cherry. That's one less thing other Mafioso will ridicule you for. Now you've only got about a million more things to work on…" Lambo told the boy sagely after coming out of hiding once Bianchi had left to cook something 'celebratory'.

"That's not helpful at all!" Tsuna shrieked in a panic.

Then the mess got even worse when Haru, Yamamoto and Gokudera all showed up and saw the 'dead' body. There was a moment when they thought the guy was alive, and Shamal came in to give his verdict. When he was confirmed dead, Hibari rode up on his motorcycle, called in by Reborn to dispose of the body.

"I'm not here to play with you guys today," the prefect stated as he climbed through the window, though he almost looked like he would rescind his words when he spotted Lambo standing there. His hands twitched toward his tonfa, but he refrained from attacking her, as he was there on a favor - though his tone was more sullen than usual when he told Reborn that the baby owed him.

And then Tsuna freaked out when he realized that Hibari's Disciplinary Committee also covered up murders and disposed of corpses when needed.

'That's wrong in so many different ways!' he screamed inwardly, now even more terrified of breaking any school rules.

But then, thankfully for Tsuna's status as 'not-a-murderer', they realized that the guy wasn't really dead - thanks to Gokudera's impulse to throw dynamite at Hibari, who then deflected them back into the room and made the 'corpse' reveal his living status in order to move out of the blast radius.

"…you can be the one to tell Bianchi that her red rice isn't needed," Lambo told Tsuna, after the commotion about Moretti's Addio technique had died down (no pun intended).

* * *

Then there was the 'Eat and Run', which would have been more fun if Lambo actually liked sushi… Still, she owed Tsuna for giving her such a bad cold, and her vindictiveness outweighed her dislike for fishy food; thus, she ate some of the more tolerable (_expensive_) sushi simply so Tsuna would have to pay for it.

Of course, the 'Babysitter' part didn't happen - after all, _she _was Lambo now, and she didn't exactly need to be looked after… plus she probably would've murdered Reborn if he had tried to do something like that anyway.

Eventually, it was time for Reborn's birthday party. Lambo was actually pretty good with birthdays - mostly because you only had to get one person a present. She had even remembered to get Tsuna a present, even if the party was planned for only Reborn.

So, from her, Reborn had gotten a collection of his own wanted posters, dating back to the very first ones from the time he became an Arcobaleno, plus some Frank Sinatra records, which she had noticed he liked when she had played it on some speakers attached to her mp3 player. (For all she knew, Reborn had actually known Sinatra personally, before the hitman was cursed to be an Arcobaleno.)

Tsuna had gotten a couple of homemade tickets from Lambo which would allow him to have an entire day without being bullied by her.

(Tsuna wasn't quite sure _what_ to think about that. After all, the only other person to remember and acknowledge his birthday was Gokudera - and he was, well, _Gokudera_. For his rather indifferent bodyguard - who he thought hated him half the time - to give him _anything_ was a huge shocker.)

Reborn had ranked her very highly, not only for his own gift, but because he knew how much fun bullying Tsuna was, and it was worth a lot of points for her to give it up if only for a couple days.

Then, of course, came the day when a certain nearsighted assassin arrived…

* * *

"Who's this?" Lambo asked Nana, looking across the breakfast table to see I-pin sitting there.

"Oh, isn't he just the sweetest? He told me about the rain coming in, so I was able to get the laundry inside before it got soaked. I invited him in for some food," Nana said with her usual smile, oblivious to the fact that he had used the wrong pronoun to describe the tiny Chinese assassin.

I-pin squinted across the table at Lambo. After a second, she seemed shocked and scared, pointing a finger at the bodyguard.

"It's a Samosa monster!" she squeaked in Mandarin. (A/N: A Samosa is a fried or baked pastry with a savory filling such as spiced potatoes, onions, peas, lentils, ground _lamb _or chicken.)

Lambo looked at her blankly for a moment. 'Considering the fact that I-pin uses food in her Gyoza-ken style, it's kinda weird that she gets freaked out when she thinks she sees food monsters,' she thought to herself, before following that line of thought, '…on second thought, since she knows food can have devastating power, maybe it's a startlingly appropriate phobia…' she revised her opinion.

"Actually, I'm a human being," she stated calmly in the same language. "My name is Lambo, what's yours?"

I-pin relaxed slightly when she heard her native language being spoken back, but she was embarrassed (though thankfully not enough to explode) at calling such a nice person a monster. "My name is I-pin. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding," she said humbly.

Lambo raised an eyebrow at the extremely rare politeness from such a young child. She supposed that's what happened when you had Fon for a master.

"It's no trouble," And it really wasn't - she had definitely been called worse before. "Please enjoy the food. I'm sure you'll find that Nana's cooking is some of the best you've ever had," Lambo replied, doing as she had suggested and digging into her own breakfast.

And that was that. Since Lambo was not an immature little brat, there was no chasing each other around or the Pinzu-timed Explosion being set off again. And there was definitely no Ten-Year Bazooka to bring a much more dangerous version of said explosion back in time.

Tsuna simply found out that I-pin was a girl when Lambo referred to her as one. (And freaked out accordingly.)

* * *

After that, I-pin surprisingly stuck around Lambo quite a bit when she wasn't with Nana. Perhaps it was because she could speak Mandarin, because Lambo was pretty sure she wasn't a expert with children or anything.

Then she got free cake when Kyoko and Haru unwittingly abandoned their purchases after being accidentally poisoned by I-pin's super-concentrated Gyoza-ken dumplings. (Hey, it's not like they were going to be eating it…)

The mille-feuille really _was _as amazing as the girls said.

Still, she was a little upset with herself over forgetting about the whole 'Crime Brothers' incident (though it wasn't exactly _hard_ to forget about such an insignificant event), when Nana's wallet was stolen. Still, she paid back the stupid thieves tenfold (well, more like robbed them blind for about ten times of what they had tried to pilfer from Nana - even if the Sawada matriarch had already gotten her wallet back), and it was entertaining to see Tsuna take them into the police station, only to get arrested himself for public indecency. (Gotta love Dying Will mode…)

And then, a certain Cavallone arrived in Namimori.

* * *

When Lambo arrived at the Sawada home, she was only mildly surprised to see the sea of black-suited man milling about in the front yard. A wide smirk spread across her face as she realized exactly who was inside at the moment. Knowing that they'd only let those of the Sawada Family through, she applied a small invisibility illusion in order to sneak past them. She slipped up the tree and through Tsuna's bedroom window.

Spotting the blond Cavallone boss sitting in a big black office chair that most certainly hadn't been there the day before, she crept up behind him and whispered in his ear. "Fufufufu… It's good to see you again, Dino."

He let out a 'manly' shriek, nearly tumbling out of his chair (and he definitely would have, were it not for two of his subordinates in the room), both in shock and in recognition of the voice.

He turned around, only to see Lambo standing there, a Cheshire grin stretching her lips as she repressed a snigger at his bewildered and horrified face.

"L-lambo?" he asked, glancing around the room as if to see if there was some indication of it all being a prank, or a hallucination… or just _not Lambo_ standing there in front of him, looking like she was about to harass the life out of him.

"It's good to see that you recognize me after all this time," Lambo said 'kindly'.

'How could I not recognize you after all the stuff that happened when I was younger?!' Dino thought tensely. "I wasn't told that you'd be here too," he said instead.

"Oh, I'm Tsuna's bodyguard," Lambo told him with a smirk, plopping casually down on Tsuna's bed, next to where Dino's chair was placed.

Dino was torn between feeling sorry for the poor boy - having to deal with both Reborn _and_ Lambo simultaneously - and just extremely relieved that _he_ hadn't had to.

Especially when he remembered the extreme stress of being in close proximity with both of them - even if only for short periods of time.

*Flashback - four years ago*

A younger-looking, eighteen-year-old Dino stood in a small courtyard near the back of the Cavallone mansion grounds. He held his whip in a firm, slightly inexperienced grip, his face set in a determined expression.

He had been planning on relaxing the entire day, seeing as Reborn was away, meeting with the Vongola Nono. Only an hour had gone by, however, before he found that he simply couldn't sit around doing nothing. All the time he had spent with Reborn constantly threatening, shooting, electrocuting, and plain old hitting him (all with the excuse that he was 'training him to be a good mafia boss') had the blond accustomed to near-constant movement. So instead of spending his time being unproductive, he had decided to go outside and practice with his weapon of choice. After all, as he had come to find, being stronger could only help him to better protect his family.

(Plus, he was pretty sure that Reborn might have cameras somewhere, so it might not have been a good idea to laze around anyway.)

He tried to flick his wrist with the correct technique, attempting to hit the bull's-eye target he had pasted on one of the trees. The end of the whip cracked, but instead of moving forward like he had wanted, it snapped back and struck his ear.

'Okay, so maybe it wasn't a good idea to go through practice without any of my subordinates around either…' he thought to himself with a small frown as he clutched the side of his head. At least he hadn't managed to hogtie himself like on that one _really _bad day...

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud bang, followed by the head of the statue in the middle of the fountain beside him shattering into countless shards. He instinctively ducked behind the edge of the fountain, easily recognizing the sound and effect of gunfire after all the time spent near Reborn.

He heard an explosion, and a body was thrown from the tree line, only to slam into the remains of the statue and fall into the water.

"Damn you…!" the man who was thrown like a rag doll snarled as he stumbled to his feet, clutching a sniper rifle. "I would have had that shot if you hadn't butted in! Do you know how much the Cavallone brat's head is worth!?"

"Naturally," a smooth, velvety female voice answered. "However, considering the Cavallone Family is allied with the Vongola… well, I'll just settle for the price on _your _head."

'Great,' Dino thought to himself, trying to keep calm. 'Stuck between an assassin and a bounty hunter that's after him… well, at least one of them isn't directly trying to kill me, so I'll definitely be helping her.'

Unfortunately, he had forgotten that none of his subordinates around. When he popped out from behind his cover, it was only to then trip over his own feet, and fall right into the bounty hunter. He froze for a second, looking up to see impossibly bright green eyes surrounded by dark shadows, and intimidating ram horns curling around the sides of her head - it was like staring a demon in the face.

"Move it boy!" the woman barked, though she only could have been a few years older than him. Despite her harsh tone however, she willingly twisted herself around him as the assassin fired off a couple more shots, shielding him with her own body.

She dropped him a split-second after, darting toward the fountain. She stuck an arm into the water, and Dino was astonished to see huge arcs of electricity winding down into the water. The water which the assassin was still standing in.

The man jittered violently, smoked faintly, before slumping over as a corpse.

The woman in black collapsed against the rim of the fountain, holding a gloved hand to her abdomen. He thought he heard her mutter something like, "Goddamn canon characters… trying to get themselves killed…"

"Hey you, Cavallone kid!" the woman spoke up, intense eyes staring straight at him.

Dino started slightly at being addressed. What could she want from him?

"Come over here and take off my shirt."

Dino flushed, the bright red contrasting with his blond hair. He was having auditory hallucinations, right? There was no way the woman who had just killed a guy (and was currently dressed up likes some ninja demon ram) was saying something… like that.

"Geez, you'd think that someone who uses a whip wouldn't be so shy about such things," the woman tsked lightly. She ignored the embarrassed spluttering her comment had garnered and continued speaking. "Anyway, I just want to see the wound on my stomach, but my arm is injured, so I need you to work the buttons for me."

Simultaneously more relaxed at having a valid reason, and more tense because she had probably gotten the injury when she had shielded him, Dino shuffled over to her and carefully unbuttoned the bottom half of her shirt. The black cloth parted to reveal a long, somewhat deep gash on the woman's side.

"Tsk," the woman made a noise of irritated discontent as she poked around the wound with her uninjured arm, but Dino couldn't help but think that it was a rather mild reaction, considering how much of her own blood was staining her clothes.

And she had sustained those wounds because she was protecting his useless, clumsy self. 'How am I ever going to be able to protect my Family at this rate…?' Dino thought to himself, the red of her blood turning into the mutilated corpses of his friends in his vision.

"Oi, get that dumb look off your face," the woman snapped. "You look like someone just killed your puppy. Your… mafia puppy… mafia puppies?" she muttered to herself, her irritated tone abruptly veering off toward 'scatterbrained'.

Dino couldn't see her expression underneath the hood and scarf, but he thought it might have been inappropriately contemplative about the matter of mafia puppies considering she was leaking copious amounts of her blood all over the ground.

"Hey… I think I'm getting kinda loony from blood loss," the woman said in a slightly dazed voice.

'Ya think…?' Dino thought with a sweat-drop, though slightly panicked at the thought of someone who just saved his life dying right in front of him.

"Buuuuu~t! My internal organs weren't damaged, and the bullets aren't still inside my body, so I'll probably be just fine!" her eyes curved slightly, the only indicated of her wide, somewhat loopy smile.

Dino stared at her some more. 'This woman is… kinda crazy.'

"Of course, I'll need some food and a safe place to rest in the time being…" the woman mused aloud, slumping backwards to lounge against the fountain's side. Then, her head turned toward Dino, and he flinched backwards at the glint in her eyes - eerily reminiscent of the look his tutor got when he was plotting something objectionable.

"So, since I saved your life - and you thus owe me - I guess you just got volunteered to put me up for awhile!"

~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~

'Damn. _Damn_. How did I end up getting hurt like this? That guy should have been an easy target!' Lambo mentally bemoaned her current state as she stared unhappily at the white bandages around her midsection. Despite her mental query, though, she knew exactly why she was currently injured.

Mostly, it was inexperience in her 'Ten-Years-Later Form', as she called it. After spending a decade in a much smaller and shorter body, she was still having a bit of an issue adjusting to the balance of such a different form - even after the majority of a year. Even switching to younger forms was better, because she had previously experienced them at some point. (Still, it was necessary if she didn't want her 'alter ego' to be connected to her real identity - plus, the older, more mature form helped her to be taken seriously, and it gave her a better reach while in battle.)

Plus there was the fact that she was still a bit inexperienced with the whole bounty hunter thing. After all, most of the guys she was going after had been in the business for years. Her? She had been with the _Bovino's_ for five years (which was only worth mentioning because of the weapons know-how she had acquired there), spent the next five in the care of mad scientists (which was a tad more traumatizing, but vastly more useful), and was only now making her first real splashes in the puddle of mafia matters.

Well, at least now she knew some things she should work on more. Namely, using her Solidification ability in a much shorter period of time - she could have hardened her shirt into a bulletproof material - and also reacting much more quickly to unexpected situations. Like a klutzy, in-training-mafia-boss deciding to 'help' out.

She was only slightly comforted by the fact that Dino was so easy to guilt trip (he'd have to work on that before becoming boss), and she was now residing in a _very_ nice guest room in the Cavallone Family Mansion. Plus, her latest bounty was being turned in for her, so she wouldn't be missing out on the cash because of missing the deadline.

Still, gunshots wounds stung like a bitch. And bandages were so constricting.

'Why does Dino have to be such a klutz? Maybe it wouldn't have changed the story that much if he would've died from those shots. Or maybe he would've survived them with no permanent damage,' she mulled the fight over in her mind, trying to calculate exactly where the bullets would have hit. '…or maybe he would've died immediately from bullets to the head, and I probably would've gotten blamed for killing the Cavallone Family's heir, and thus had the entire Vongola Alliance out for my head,' she concluded with a grimace behind the thin, black scarf covering her lower face.

And, oh yes, not only was she going to have to stay in an unknown environment for at least a week (which was hell on her paranoid frame of mind) - she was going to have to do it in her Black Sheep disguise the entire time. A long, black cloak with the hood up to conceal her head - though perhaps she could wear a headscarf instead if it got too irritating - as well as her face covering. Plus, she didn't have the luxury of being in her naturally aged body, which always felt more comfortable for some reason.

At least she could remove the horns, since their function was intimidation, as opposed to helping to conceal her identity.

'I can't even imagine trying to sleep in those…' she thought with a sweat drop as she looked into her room's fireplace (the Cavallone guestrooms were _very _nice indeed). 'I'd probably spear some pillows, and end up walking around like my head was the filling in some freaky reverse s'more…'

Her stomach grumbled at the thought of marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers. She was suddenly reminded that she hadn't eaten since a small breakfast the day before.

'I hope I'll get some food soon… and hopefully not some really fancy crap with barely any substance…' she thought, her grimace getting slightly deeper.

Just then, her hungry musings were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Yeah?" she replied, hoping it was someone with food. Hopefully not someone out to kill her - a surprisingly common occurrence since she had become a bounty hunter. (The guy who dealt with bounty assignments at Mafia Land apparently wasn't averse to notifying people with bounties that they had someone after them - for the right price, of course. Hunting was just a _tad_ more interesting - _dangerous_ - when the prey was aware of a predator.)

The door opened to reveal Dino, carrying a large serving platter that held several plates of food that smelled heavenly to Lambo's hungry nose. There was a moment of sheer horror at the fact that _Dino_ was carrying such an ungainly thing - imagine all of that lovely, savory food _wasted_ by a moment of clumsiness! - but it soon died down when she noticed a nondescript man in a black suit follow him in, carrying a large pitcher and a glass.

'No food will be taking a sudden fall then,' she thought in relief, watching impatiently as the tray was set on the small table beside the chair she was sitting in.

The blond stood there awkwardly for a moment, not sure how to address a person who had just saved his life - and then proceeded to swindle him into giving her room and board.

So Lambo decided to break the ice.

"Since one of my arms is out of commission, does that mean you're going to feed me?" she asked bluntly. And she genuinely wanted to know. She had been forced to eat using only one hand before when a scientist had gotten careless and only released one of them from her straightjacket when it was lunch time. It was not fun - mostly just degrading and messy.

Of course, while she did really want to know, it also had the added benefit of flustering Dino. He'd have to work on that 'easily-embarrassed' thing too - it just wouldn't do to have boss that could be easily seduced by another Family's spy.

She smirked (and she was sure she saw much the same expression on the guy in the suit) when the blond fed her anyway, his face flushed the entire time.

~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~(O)~

Lambo sat in one of the Cavallone Mansion's gardens, stewing in her utter boredom - and also stewing a bit in the summer heat, considering she was still wearing her Black Sheep getup, and had on a pure black headscarf to hide her hair. While her surroundings were beautiful, and she did have an high regard for well-arranged flora, she was in no mood to appreciate it. She was bored - and she had _been _bored for the past three days, stuck as she was in an unfamiliar place while her injuries healed up.

Thankfully, Dino seemed completely set on being as good a host as he could possibly manage. It could have been because she had saved his life, and he felt he owed her - or it could just be that he wanted to erase any notion in her mind that he owed her further over poor hospitality.

Or, he could have been just as bored as she was, considering Reborn had been absent for the days she had been inhabiting a Cavallone guest room. Dino must feel _so _abandoned without his tutor.

Whatever the case, Lambo was somewhat thankful that Dino felt the need to seek out her company. It worked well to alleviate her feelings of boredom, as he mostly did so without the company of any of his subordinates; his near-constant pratfalls were _extremely _entertaining.

Lambo looked the eighteen-year-old over appraisingly as he walked into the garden. He looked… like a prince. Not in the way that made him astonishingly, universally attractive to women everywhere - more in the way that she thought he looked a bit too decorous, and a bit too sheltered.

Another thing that should probably be fixed before he became a full-fledged mafia boss. She could do that.

Dino stared warily at his 'guest', slightly unnerved by the Black Sheep's contemplative gaze. Once again, he was disturbingly reminded of a certain hitman tutor. He might've avoided her entirely, if he hadn't been raised with manners and etiquette. Plus, she wasn't _as_ off the wall, now that she had mostly recovered from her loss of blood.

"Can you spit?" Lambo suddenly asked.

"Huh?" Dino blurted, his mouth gaping open slightly at the awkward question. Okay, scratch the idea that she was 'slightly less off the wall'.

"I'm just asking because if you're going to be in an important position - like _mafia _boss - that makes you a popular target for kidnappers, you really should know how to get some distance with a glob of saliva," Lambo continued, ignoring his interjection. "I mean, the 'Spit Defiantly Into the Face of Your Captor' move is completely classic - if you're likely to be in a position to use it, you should definitely learn how."

Dino sweat-dropped as the black-cloaked woman continued rambling. Why was it, that when someone saved his life, said savior was such an utter loon?

"..and if you can time it _just_ right when they're in mid-monologue, you can spit a gob directly into their mouths; and when they go to barf, you can use that chance to escape," Lambo said knowingly, having actually done it at one point to an Estraneo scientist.

Despite Dino's initial misgivings, and Lambo having to work around the scarf covering her mouth, they whiled away the afternoon spitting - Lambo giving pointers to the other until he became proficient enough for them to have a spitting contest. (The blond ended up winning - mostly because Lambo had her scarf messing up her lips' positioning, but also because one of his minions had brought them lemonade at some point, his presence lending a tremendous boost to Dino's competency.)

And that was what Reborn arrived to. His charge learning how to accurately spit over long distances, by means of tutelage from an up-and-coming bounty hunter.

Dino thought it was the most nerve-wracking and discomfiting meeting he had ever witnessed - he kept expecting one of the two to take offense to something the other had said, and start trying to kill each other. Not to mention he was scared crapless that Reborn would bash in his head for spending an entire afternoon learning how to spit.

Instead, the blond was torn between relief and utter horror that they seemed to actually get along quite well. Or they at least didn't dislike each other enough to try homicide. (Though Reborn was a bit displeased to hear that Dino had been so easily guilt-tripped - especially since it resulted in him inviting a completely unknown, disguised person into his house.)

Lambo, on the other hand, despite her seemingly uncaring demeanor, was having an inward freakout of epic proportions. Sure, she had noticed the absence of the hitman tutor, but she had hoped to be long gone from the Cavallone Mansion before the Arcobaleno had returned. It would be quite inconvenient for the sharp hitman to discover her alter ego's identity. Now, she was instead keeping up a calm, polite front, hoping that Reborn wouldn't be too interested in her - mostly because if he was, he would most probably figure her out very quickly.

Of course, the laws of an anime universe are often delegated to such forces as Murphy, so Lambo's cover was pretty much doomed as soon as she hoped something wouldn't happen to force her true identity into the light.

In this case, Murphy interfered in the guise of another assassin, the very evening Reborn had returned, and after almost everyone had retired to their beds. Said assassin was actually the brother of the one who had came after Dino's head a few days earlier. He was not only aiming to finish his brother's job, but take out the one who had killed said brother.

Conveniently for him, they were both in the same building.

Inconveniently for him, Lambo was already paranoid from having to sleep in such an unsecured location, and was currently on high alert for any dangers. And the assassin had just the luck to try and go after her first, thinking the Cavallone boy would have heavier security around his room.

He climbed up the wall of the mansion with all the skill of a master cliff-scaler, and landed nimbly on the balcony he knew led to the guest room where his brother's murderer currently slept. He scowled as he examine the prone form on the bed; he was of the opinion that she slept much too easily for someone with blood on her hands. He would kill her, not only to satisfy his sense of vengeance, but to nip in the bud the makings of a very dangerous bounty hunter.

He reached forward toward the bounty hunter's neck. Strangulation would prevent her from verbally alerting anyone about an intruder.

A black-gloved hand abruptly seized one of his wrists in a death grip, and a loud snap echoed in the silence of the guest room.

"There, now we both have one good arm. That's fair," the woman stated mildly, her acid green eyes peering up at him.

He snarled, and pulled out a gun.

"Okay. Not so fair."

The pistol fired, and Lambo swiftly rolled off the bed, letting out a repressed grunt of pain as her injured side and arm were jostled. She ripped the sheet off her fully-clad (she was so glad that she wasn't currently having a death match in pajamas) body, and channeled some Lightning Flames into it, forming a flexible, yet bulletproof cover to shield her while she thought for a moment.

She mentally noted several things. First, the man had a great similarity to the one she recently turned in for a bounty. Second, the man was much too pissed at her for him to be simply after the price on her head. Thirdly, her arm and side were definitely not healed up enough for her to put them through the vigorous motions of combat. Fourthly, the gun the man had was not silenced, so someone must have heard the noise. Fifthly, because the man had attempted a quiet strangulation, he had most likely been attempting a stealthy kill, and probably had another target after her.

Conclusion: he was most likely a relation of the man she had killed earlier. Judging by their apparent ages, most likely a brother or a cousin. He was after her for revenge, but was probably going after Dino as well - the Cavallone boy being the only other person in the mansion with a high enough bounty to bother. (Well, except for Reborn, but no one was nuts enough to go after him.)

Since she wasn't healed up enough, she would have to switch out of her 'Black Sheep' form and into her most combat-ready form - her natural one. And it was highly likely that she'd be discovered in said form, because the noise of a gun firing would be sure to summon a few guards to the location. It was a very annoying situation, considering her identity was supposed to be _secret_ - but she'd rather be alive and found out, than dead with a useless secret.

So with a deep scowl, highly irritated with the man for forcing her into such a situation, Lambo reluctantly shifted into her normal body, and quickly snatched up her Meteor Hammer which was dangling around her torso. She rapidly twirled the cable, and buried the weighted end of her weapon into the man's skull with a noisy, wet-sounding 'crunch'.

'That could have been worse, I suppose,' Lambo thought to herself with a slight frown. The expression looked a lot more like a pout on the face of a ten-year-old, going on eleven, little girl who looked as though she should be skipping rope with the Meteor Hammer dangling around her torso rather than crushing skulls with it. The man had been so stunned by her sudden transformation from demonic-looking bounty hunter to a porcelain doll of a girl that the fight had been laughably easy.

Of course, that was when various alarmed Mafioso showed up, Reborn in the lead with a sharply alert expression on his baby face, followed by a still slightly groggy Dino.

*Flashback ends*

Reborn had been highly interested in her ability to change her form into that of an adult's (he hadn't known at that point she could make herself younger); Dino was just scared crapless - not only at the image of a cute little girl splattered with the gorey pulp of what was previously a man's head, but at the fact that the scary bounty hunter he had been dealing with for the past few days was actually said cute little girl.

With her and Reborn around, he was going to develop a chronic fear of children - always thinking they were going to whip out a gun and start shooting.

Plus, he was terrified that she was going to kill him in his sleep on day for knowing her secret identity.

Needless to say, the blond was highly relieved when Lambo had left only a couple days later. (And that relief disappeared rather quickly when he realized that his tutor sometimes met up with her for coffee - and occasionally invited her over for Dino's lessons on the workings of the bounty system.)

"Have there been many assassins after Tsuna?" Dino asked, not only to take his mind off the disturbing memories, but because he was somewhat worried about the Vongola's future boss. After all, the Cavallone Family had been allied with the Vongola Family since its inception. If he could do something to protect the boy, it would be his duty and his pleasure.

"Oh yes," Lambo answered with satisfaction, smirking a gloating smirk that made Dino pity the poor fool that had crossed her. "While I'm still not too happy about giving up my free-lancing for babysitting such a incompetent kid, he's turned out to be surprisingly effective bait for luring in good bounties. I even get bonuses for bringing in a high number of them in one week."

'Okay, while he might not need some more protecting, I think he might need a little moral support in his corner with a bodyguard like that,' Dino mused with a sweat-drop.

Reborn, who had appeared in the room a few minutes ago, decided to pipe in. "Actually Lambo, I might have you let one or two of them through your guard. It might be good for Tsuna to look death in the eye. I'll make sure you're reimbursed, of course."

'…I stand corrected. He might need a _lot_ of moral support with a tutor and a bodyguard duo like these two,' Dino nearly face-palmed.

* * *

*~OMAKE~*

"You actually kept one of those for this long?" Lambo asked with a raised eyebrow as she adjusted the shoulder strap on her emerald green dress.

Tsuna gave a nostalgic smile as he looked down at the 'No Bullying for a Day' voucher in his hands. "I figured I'd have to save them for something really important. And I can't think of anything more important than my wedding day."

"Well, hand it over" Lambo ordered. Once it was in her hands, she summoned some Mist Flames to burn it to a blackened mess.

She stared at the ash on her hands. "Too bad. If you hadn't used that, I'd be threatening to wipe this all over your face. Maybe I'll wipe it all over Hayato instead. He'd probably offer to commit seppuku for not being a neat and tidy (right-hand) best man."

Tsuna sweat-dropped at his former bodyguard, though the smile lingered on his face.

"Man, you were such a wuss back then," Lambo told him as they walked into the huge cathedral. "I bet the teenager you would faint if he heard you were marrying-"

Her voice was cut off as he large doors shut behind them.

* * *

*~OMAKE 2 - HALLOWEEN EDITION~* (seriously, even if it is late being posted, I _did_ write this section on Halloween)

In the future, when Tsuna was forced to travel, two Guardians always went with him. Usually, it was Lambo and Chrome - Lambo, because she definitely had the most experience with protective detail, and Chrome, because her illusions eased their way through international travel ports. (Plus, Chrome was probably the most sane out of his Guardians, and she wasn't prone to flying off the handle or getting petty revenge.) Unfortunately for Tsuna, when he was going to America for a meeting with one of Vongola's allied Families, Chrome was otherwise occupied, and her calming influence was exchanged for Mukuro's unwilling presence.

At the thought of those two Guardians being his only company, Tsuna really felt like going back to Italy. Not only were they troublemakers in their own right, but when together, the accompanying levels of trouble tended to skyrocket as the two 'childhood friends' egged each other on.

"Here they come," Lambo purred with a malicious smirk as she leaned against the balcony's railing.

"Kufufu. Maybe it wasn't so bad that I was forced to come along with Vongola," Mukuro chuckled ominously, staring out over the path that lead to the Vongola American Base's door.

"If you hadn't, you wouldn't have gotten this opportunity," Lambo commented, watching their prey like a hawk. "After all, the people that live near the base in Italy know who we are; they'd never dare to try and vandalize our base. Plus, it just seems like more of an American thing to go around and get into trouble on Halloween."

The teenaged boys, armed with egg cartons and rolls of toilet paper, wouldn't know what hit them as they attempted to deface the 'old, abandoned house on the edge of town'.

Tsuna sweat-dropped over his paperwork from inside the room connected to the balcony. He almost felt sorry for the boys, and probably would have, if they weren't trying to wreck his property. Lambo and Mukuro were probably the worst of his Guardians to face in such a situation - being both vindictive enough to wreak preemptive vengeance, and petty enough to fight fire with fire.

They had even made an event out of it - stocking their little balcony with enough mulled cider and Halloween candy to last the entire night. Apparently, they were going to drag it out as much as possible for the entertainment value. (Another reason they were probably the worst two Guardians to face - for example, while Hibari's retaliation for such an act of vandalism would be brutal, it would also be swift. Plus it wouldn't be deliberately humiliating, just debilitating.)

He flinched slightly as he heard Mukuro chuckling his creepy laugh, and Lambo outright cackling - him casting an illusion of an endless, horror-filled maze so they couldn't escape, and the her chucking eggs of her own to land with pinpoint precision on the boys' heads, sometimes sparking with just enough electricity to make them lose control of their bowels.

He really wished that Chrome could have made it instead. And he really hoped that his Guardians didn't decide to make this a Halloween tradition.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: It's a miracle! I've updated one of my stories! Seriously though, sorry for the wait. I've been quite busy this year. I can't tell you all how much I appreciated the reviews for my story – I probably wouldn't have gotten this out without them.

* * *

Keeping Your Character - Chapter Nineteen

* * *

Dino jumped slightly as he heard the front door bang open downstairs, followed by Tsuna yelling for Reborn to explain the crowd of men in black suits in his front yard. He usually wasn't so jumpy in the presence of his subordinates, but being in the same room as both Reborn and Lambo made him a tad tense.

"Dino," Lambo stated in a stern tone.

The Cavallone boss jolted at the extremely serious tone, surprised at the lack of playfulness or dry wit.

"Doormat-guy doesn't know my alter-ego, despite me being his bodyguard, so don't let it slip," Lambo commanded him. While her contract with Iemitsu did make an allowance for Tsuna on the restriction of hiding her alter ego (and circumstantial exceptions concerning any new Famiglia members), she didn't really care to have the wimpy boy find out. Mostly because his reactions to things wouldn't be nearly as hilarious if he was a lot more scared of her – but also because she wasn't sure at how good he was at keeping secrets yet. Besides, the fewer people who know a secret, the less chance there is of it coming to light. It was just common sense.

Dino opened his mouth, nearly protesting on reflex at the lack of trust between bodyguard and the protected. Especially since the protected in this case was someone he was going to have a close alliance with in the future – a sort of adopted 'brother', he hoped. But then he remembered exactly _who_ he was nearly contradicting.

Still, he was a tad hesitant at keeping something so relevant from Tsuna, despite his inherent apprehension of her, and his expression showed that.

Lambo mentally rolled her eyes, but outwardly, she directed a deeply soulful look at Dino, clutching her side where she had been shot while shielding him with her body.

Dino flinched, immediately caving to the emotional manipulation where intimidation had failed. While he had built up a resistance to such tactics over the years, those barriers tended to break down quickly in the face of Reborn, because of his former status as tutor, and Lambo, because she saved his life (and was super scary).

'Too easy,' Lambo thought with a blank expression, watching in absolute ennui as Tsuna and Dino met for the first time.

* * *

Later that night, after the trouble with the water-absorbent turtle in the bathtub had been dealt with, and Dino had left for his hotel, Lambo was getting ready herself for a night of surveillance. As she sat perched in the tree in the Sawada's front yard, untangling some strings that led to her perimeter traps, Reborn hopped out of Tsuna's window to sit on the branch next to her.

Reborn eyed his student's bodyguard out of the corner of his eye. He had noticed that Lambo had been getting more and more listless as the Tsuna job went on – though she was still just as efficient as ever in detaining assassins. He couldn't really blame her of course. He himself sometimes had the urge to just go out and fulfill the 'hitman' part of his title, rather than the 'home tutor' part. And she probably had it worse, because while he had previous experience with being somewhat tied down when teaching Dino, and being contracted with the Vongola Family, Lambo had never been part of a Family (that Reborn knew of) and had never committed to a long term contract like the one she was on now. He was still half-convinced that Iemitsu had sold his soul to get her to take the job.

To make things worse, Namimori was for the most part the picture of peaceful suburbia unless Reborn was actively shaking things up. While he sensed that Lambo enjoyed some down time as much as the next non-workaholic, the complete lack of any kind of real threat must be grating on her – the small fry assassins being sent to 'test the waters' of the protections around the Vongola Decimo didn't even register.

To the Black Sheep, a bounty hunter widely known throughout the mafia for her brutal efficiency, constant movement, and back-to-back job-taking it must be like some sort of purgatory.

Oh, she didn't show it overtly. She still teased Tsuna regularly, and went through her usual actions in much the same way. But Reborn had been an acquaintance of hers for years even before they had started working so closely together – thus, he could read her fairly well, despite her not being very expressive. He could tell that Lambo viewed fights as something enjoyable, but also as a way to release the emotions she repressed most of the time. Without her usual outlet, her boredom was nearly boiling over.

Reborn frowned. That Lambo so disliked taking this kind of job was not conducive to her ever being successfully persuaded to become the Tsuna's Lightning Guardian, which was something he had wanted ever since he had taken the job to tutor the boy. She was one of the best candidates he had ever seen for such a position, something that even Iemitsu had grudgingly agreed with when they had talked on it - though the man had warned him to be extremely cautious if he ever decided to act on that notion. Not only was she extremely skillful in pure combat situations, but he was becoming increasingly aware that she had friends, or at least friendly acquaintances, in high places – or low places, rather, being in the mafia as they were.

Iemitsu, the one who had somehow wheedled her into taking this job (Reborn often wondered what exactly the man could have promised her to make her agree), was head of the CEDEF. Dino, who still felt somewhat indebted to her, was the Boss of the Cavallone Famiglia. Shamal, who seemed to respect her more than other females Reborn had seen him interact with, was currently the best doctor in the mafia. Reborn had even heard that she had an 'in' with the head of the bounty industry centered in Mafia Land, and there was no telling who else she had met during her constant travels as a bounty hunter.

If you added in the fact that he himself was on friendly terms with her (meaning he at least wouldn't shoot her without a good reason) Reborn couldn't help but think that she was too good at networking for her own good. Though, he supposed she would have to be, considering she was a completely unaffiliated bounty hunter – a successful one, at that.

Such capabilities would be highly valuable in one of Tsuna's Guardians, considering most of the candidates Reborn was keeping in mind were clueless about mafia matters. (And the exception to that rule, Gokudera, was a bit too hotheaded at times to use his knowledge properly.)

"You wanted something, Reborn?" Lambo asked the tiny hitman, interrupting his thoughts as she glanced at him through her night-vision goggles. He had never before come out to talk to when it was her turn for night watch.

"You seem bored lately," Reborn stated bluntly, scrutinizing her reaction.

Lambo halted in her movements of untangling the strings. She peered over at the Arcobaleno, wondering why he would really care. Reborn wasn't exactly one to concern himself with the mental welfare of other people, and it wasn't like she was letting her disinterest affect her efficiency. If there was one thing she prided herself on, it was her professionalism, mostly because no one would ever hire out a bounty hunter that lacked it.

"Well, it hasn't exactly been _exhilarating_ around here," she finally replied, turning her attention back to the trap strings.

Reborn hummed in agreement. "It won't affect your efficiency," he said more as a subtle order than as a question.

Lambo stiffened slightly, frowning over at the baby as she set down her work. "Please don't question my competence, Reborn. Just because I see a bit uninterested at the moment doesn't mean that I'm slacking. If I couldn't work through boredom, I wouldn't be where I am today."

Reborn smirked slightly at getting such a reaction from her – though her goggles hid most of her expression. "I know that from your reputation you've never been anything but efficient on previous jobs. But this is a bit more... lasting than your previous jobs, isn't it?"

Lambo sighed, leaning back against the trunk of the tree as she scooped up a thermos of Earl Grey to sip at. "You're not wrong about that. Maybe I need to pick up a new hobby or something."

"Or get a boyfriend," Reborn commented with a small smirk, expecting her to either stare blankly at him, or start making blunt comments about the prospective romantic partners she knew. He was surprised when Lambo's reaction to his words was to spurt tea from her nose as she snorted quietly in incredulous laughter. He had the feeling that it would be uncharacteristically loud and raucous if she wasn't conscientious of the fact that the Sawada household was currently abed.

"Reborn, that's probably the least likely, time-occupying thing for me ever," she told him, a hint of amused disbelief lingering on her face. "There are very few guys who I would want to date in the first place and I'm pretty sure that none of them would want to date me in return. I think I'll stick with a new hobby."

Reborn raised an eyebrow, intrigued by her unexpected reaction to his little comment. It almost seemed as if she had… low self-esteem. He had never even considered that she might not be as confident as she portrayed herself. After all, most people he had met in the mafia had never been all that self-conscious or even particularly layered in personality. She had never seemed much different.

The tiny hitman hopped back inside, leaving his coworker to ponder potential hobbies as his own thoughts churned within his head.

* * *

Soon after Dino's visit to the Sawada household, Christmas was upon the world.

One member of the Sawada household was particularly happy at this.

'Not only is there time off from school, but apparently Lambo's contract gives her the entire Christmas holiday off!' Tsuna thought to himself with a smile as he woke up on Christmas Eve.

He was especially happy for a reprieve from Lambo's usual antics, because lately, he had noticed that each jibe from her had steadily been losing some of her natural, lazy playfulness. Instead, it had been almost as if she were only mocking him out of habit – and the hollow ring behind each tease somehow seemed much worse than when there was genuine emotion behind it.

While he didn't really want to feel worried about someone who had only been mean to him, he couldn't quite help it. She had been such a constant in his life ever since she had appeared – and he knew that she had saved his life many times over, though she didn't mention it much. He could only hope that the holiday spirit might put her in a better mood when she returned to 'Doormat Duty' as she called it.

Currently, he was out and about in the Namimori Shopping District, dodging the large amount of romantic couples out on holiday dates, and hoping to find a good present for his mother. He wasn't quite sure whether or not she had even noticed the odd happenings that had started occurring ever since Reborn arrived, but he wanted to give her something nice in return for not making a big fuss over it all. Best of all, he was completely alone – no baby hitmen, or chain-smoking bombers, or anyone mafia related at all was with him. It was his first peaceful moment to himself in a long time. He sat down on a public bench, just to savor it for a moment.

And of course the moment he did so, his peaceful mood was forcefully evaporated by outside influence.

A wave of shoppers parted subconsciously for a figure swathed with a very somber air, seemingly dampening their cheer just by being there. Tsuna took a few moments to recognize the person walking in his direction, with her hair hidden by a white beanie, and her face covered with an unfamiliar emotion.

He paused for a moment in absolute surprise as he watched Lambo skulk through the crowd of twittering, saccharine couples, an expression of melancholy painting her usually bored or smirking face. While he was wary at her sudden appearance, he was also curious about her unusually subdued demeanor. He dithered for a moment, his conscience warring with his inherent alarm of her. He had just decided to walk off in another direction to leave her to her own business, when he was held suddenly in place by a pair of bright green eyes. He stiffened with the instinctual fear of prey in front of a predator, wondering whether he should bolt before she pounced.

"Oh. Hey, Tsuna," Lambo said in a listless voice.

Tsuna gaped up at her from his seat, wondering at the lack of demeaning nickname for him. His jaw dropped even further as Lambo plopped down next to him, relaxing comfortably onto the bench without a hint of her usual disdain for his presence.

Lambo surveyed the crowd before them with blank eyes, trailing her gaze over happy couple after happy couple.

"Christmas is so different in Japan," she told her unwitting companion. "It's commercialized to the point that it lacks any kind of spirit behind it other than greed, and it's so geared toward couples that there's no room for time with family."

Tsuna licked suddenly dry lips as he eyed his suddenly talkative bodyguard. She had always been quite reticent about anything involving herself – even most of her opinions – for her to suddenly be spouting off her thoughts on the holiday season was extremely weird, even for him.

"Why don't you leave for the holidays then if you don't like it here? Go see your family?" Tsuna blurted unthinkingly.

A bitter smile crossed her face as her eyes cut over to look at him. "I don't have a family anymore."

Tsuna flushed with self-admonishment, looking away. 'Stupid Dame-Tsuna, you always say the wrong thing.'

There was an awkward silence, at least on Tsuna's part; Lambo seemed to be mentally far away for the moment as she absently watched the crowd milling about.

"…why are you telling me this?" Tsuna spoke up timidly.

"Hm?" Lambo turned to face him again. "Why not you? I know you, don't I?"

"Yeah, but you _hate_ me!" he burst out, the sentiment having been building in him for quite some time.

Lambo looked at him, nonplussed, slouching slightly against the back of the bench. "What makes you think that I'm emotionally invested enough in you to hate you?" she asked, a small wrinkle between her eyebrows.

Tsuna stared at her, not sure what to feel at that.

"Look kid, don't take offense to it. There aren't many people that I feel strongly about either way." She told him honestly. "Besides, you're the person I was hired to protect, and hate isn't exactly conducive to fulfilling the job requirements."

"Well, even if you don't hate me, I'm pretty sure you don't like me," Tsuna muttered.

"Well, you're basically the reason I'm stuck here, on the most boring job I've ever had. And I can admit that I'm enough of a bitch to take out my frustration on you," Lambo said bluntly.

"Because I'm Dame-Tsuna, and therefore an easy target?" Tsuna said, bitter, but resigned to his role as a figurative and literal punching bag for the world.

"_That's_ why," Lambo said, suddenly much more animated than he had ever seen her. "You're completely useless at pretty much everything, but that's not why I don't like you. I don't like you because you've decided that you're never going to amount to anything more, so you don't even bother trying anymore – even when an opportunity for self-betterment presents itself to you on a silver platter! You run away from any problems, take the easy way out of any conflict, and you accept the fact that people see you as useless, because you see yourself the same way."

She leaned in close to his face, an intense expression on her face. "And it galls me, because you have so much potential that you're just throwing away," she whispered severely.

Tsuna stared at her, eyes wider than they had ever been. He had never expected something like that from his disinterested, even sociopathic bodyguard. It was almost she was saying she… thought he could do better.

As suddenly as the surge of emotion had come, it was gone, and she was once against the indifferent, laconic young woman he was acquainted with.

"But hey, whatever, it's your decision if you want to screw yourself over," she murmured carelessly as she stood from the bench. "I'm gonna head home and enjoy my solitude as a Christmas Cake."

Tsuna stared at her, thinking on her words as she walked away. Then her parting words registered.

"…Isn't a Christmas Cake a single woman over twenty-five?" he asked himself. Then he recalled the times he had seen Lambo turn into a much younger form than her usual fifteen-year-old appearance. 'Just how old is she actually?!' he thought incredulously, thoughts of hidden potential swept away for the moment.

* * *

Lambo, meanwhile, had done exactly what she had told Tsuna she would. The same thing she had done every Christmas since her 'rebirth' into the world of KHR.

Gone home to spend time thinking on things she didn't usually allow herself to. Things like the family that she missed dearly, or what her afterlife might be like when she died for a second time (she wasn't arrogant enough to believe she could escape death forever). It might have seemed like an odd way to spend her favorite holiday, but she had always considered Christmas a time for family and reflection.

And with no family to spend time with, she was left with only self-reflection, and therefore spent her time mulling over the thoughts that she kept at bay for the rest of the year, rather than let them depress her.

So she gathered up some homemade eggnog and stroopwafel (made exactly the same way her Dutch grandmother had used to during the Christmas season), put on her favorite fuzzy sweater (she had bought it because it reminded her of a nearly identical one her mother had hand-knit in her past life), and retreated to her small office, which had a fireplace. She stoked the fire to a medium blaze, curled up with her snacks on a nest of cushions, and smiled a bit when Yuurei the cat decided that he would intrude on her customary holiday solitude in order to snuggle with her.

This year, after her usual reminiscences about her lost family, she thought about her more recent troubles, the ones Reborn had brought to the forefront of her mind with his little talk a week or two ago - boredom and loneliness.

She was honest enough with herself to realize that part of the problem was probably the fact that she was nearly incapable of forming lasting, deep relationships with people anymore. Being a different age from her exterior had formed a barrier between her and most other people – and the fact that she had been born into such a dysfunctional family had not helped. The years spent under the scalpel of insane, amoral mafia scientists had only increased her sense disconnection from other people, and as a bounty hunter, she had constantly been moving from place to place on her jobs, never really allowing herself to form roots anywhere.

It probably said something about her that perhaps the deepest relationship she had had in the past decade had been with the insane, mass-murdering, anarchistic experiment known as Mukuro. Or, she amended mentally, as tiny claws pricked at her arm, her pet cat, Yuurei.

If she admitted it to herself, part of her incapability to connect was because even though she had mostly gotten over it, part of her brain still said that everyone around her was a superficial, two-dimensional character from a comic book. Most of the people she had met over the years had not even been characters mentioned in the KHR manga, and she could almost sense a sort of 'flatness' about them. It could have been because they weren't important enough for the 'author' to have fleshed out their personalities – or it could have simply been because she didn't care enough to reach out and make friends, and she thus regarded most people as part of the 'faceless masses' that she really had nothing to do with, rather than actual people with actual feelings and lives.

On the other hand, with the people that she _did_ know from the manga, who had been named and expounded on even a little, there was also a barrier. This time, rather than because they were no deeper than a cardboard cutout, it was because she knew too _much_ about their actual feelings and lives.

Sometimes she missed her old world, because while she hadn't exactly been a social butterfly with a bevy of friends, she had had a loving family. A family that cared for her in the way only family could, and who she had known through earned familiarity, rather than peeking through a window into their lives as a form of entertainment.

And while she had never had a boyfriend, even in her previous life as a normal teenaged girl where things were much less complicated, she knew enough to realize that any kind of romantic relationship that she would want would have to be based on mutual trust and affection.

'As of right now, such a thing would be impossible,' Lambo thought somberly, sipping at her eggnog as she stared at the dancing flames. 'Not only do I live within the social sphere of the mafia, where untrustworthy people abound, but I myself am hiding things, and am paranoid about said things being exploited if anyone else ever knew. Neither I, nor any partner of mine would be likely to be completely honest.'

And aside from the trust and honesty thing, there were also the multiple barriers consisting of her inconsistent interior to exterior age, her somewhat unstable mentality (she had no illusions about exactly how cracked her sanity was), the lack of any males who were even interested in romance, her relative inability to openly express any emotions that might start any kind of romance, and last but not least, there was her infertility to consider.

She had been completely honest with Reborn. There was basically no chance of her ever having a satisfying romantic relationship with anyone. While she could fantasize with the best (or worst) of the fangirls, she could differentiate fantasies from reality – and while her reality was now an anime show, it certainly wasn't a fantasy.

To sum it all up, she was quite certain that none of the people she knew in the 'manga' would ever want to date a mistrustful, reserved, infertile nutcase who could quite frankly be a bit of a bitch when she was cranky.

"You know Yuurei, I think that was a little too depressing even for my annual self-reflection," Lambo said. She sat up and stretched over to the bottom drawer of her office desk and pulled out a small bottle of alcohol, pouring a generous amount into her eggnog.

"Cheers," she told the grumpy grey cat, and dumped the entire glass down her throat, determined to get so sloshed that her hangover would be bad enough distract her from the fact that she had no family to wake up to on Christmas morning.

* * *

*~OMAKE~*

Tsuna cringed slightly behind his expensive, antique, Italian oak desk as the wall beside the doorway to his office abruptly exploded.

"Here's my report," Lambo said nonchalantly, indifferent to the destruction she had just wreaked.

"Can't you just come through the door? At least in my office? Reborn will kill me if I have to get another desk replaced!" Tsuna pleaded, his eyes teary as he realized she would never do it.

"Sure," Lambo stated, much to her boss's disbelief, "I'll do that when you ban mistletoe from the mansion," she continued, pointing a finger to the innocent-looking bundle of leaves hanging above the doorway.

Tsuna planted his head roughly on the desk. "You know I can't do that!" he moaned miserably. "Reborn would kill me because it's against some obscure Vongola tradition – but really because he finds dysfunctional situations amusing. Mukuro would kill me because he's the one who puts most of it up in an attempt to get the most awkward pairs possible caught underneath. Hell, Bianchi has a fifty-fifty chance of killing me, because if she gets Reborn it'll be a dream come true, but if Reborn gets you she'll kill _everyone_…" after that, he would have descended into incoherent rambling had Lambo not cut him off.

"Hey, it's your decision to decide however you want to screw yourself over."

Tsuna paused, the crude phrasing of his Guardian bringing back memories – especially around Christmas time.

"You've got that really dumb 'nostalgia zone' look on your face," Lambo said bluntly.

"Ehehe," Tsuna laughed sheepishly. "I was just remembering that talk we had on the first Christmas Eve after we had met," his expression softened slightly, "I think that was the first time I ever realized that you were a human being with actual feelings beneath your uncaring exterior – and also the first time I realized that someone thought I could be more than just Dame-Tsuna."

Lambo stared blankly at him for a moment.

"I wouldn't know," she said bluntly, "I spent most of that day completely buzzed."

Tsuna turned to stone in his chair.

"Kufufu, whatever did you do to Vongola, Lambo. He looks like he's just seen the Six Realms of Hell," a smooth voice came from the other side of the hole.

Lambo looked at the top of the hole as soon as she heard Mukuro, and caught sight of yet another bunch of mistletoe appearing in a plume of indigo mist. She blasted yet another hole in the wall to avoid it, answering as she did.

"I think I accidentally gave him a life-changing, inspirational speech years ago while I was drunk, and he's only finding out about it now."

Tsuna's head thunked down to his desk again as raucous laughter – coming from more people than just Mukuro - emanated from the hallway, transmitting clearly through the multiple gaps that had been forcefully created in the walls by the disgruntled Lightning Guardian.

'Why me?' he thought pitifully, knowing that everyone would soon have yet another embarrassing story to hang over his head forever.


End file.
